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Original poster

Are my employers being unfair?

61 replies

JonasRose · 10/05/2016 23:53

Hi everyone! I'm new to this so please bare with.. I've been a nanny to two lovely young boys for the past year and have got along well with the parents. I work 50 hours a week, although most weeks I end up staying late and bite my tongue every time without fail.
In September 2015 my dear Nan whom I was incredibly close to past away at the grand age of 89.. I was distraught by this and told my employers I needed some time to myself. Not including the day she passed away, I was given one day off paid. I suggested I would have liked more time but they went on about alternative childcare and their workloads to the point where I felt too bad to not come in. With bloodshot and puffy eyes I came in.

I have been ill over the year for just 4 days, (2 days on 2 different occasions) where I was hospitalised, and 3 days with a fractured ankle after which I ended up coming in on crutches for weeks with no complaints.

This Monday just gone my only cousin just 26 years of age passed away unexpectedly when some surgery went wrong and caused a horrendous infection in her body and blood. I was off on Monday at the hospital with my family and after she past away I let my employers know I needed some time to myself, to which they replied "Sorry for your loss. See you Wednesday." I was shocked and didn't reply until Tuesday afternoon when I informed them I was not ready just yet to come back so soon and apologised repeatedly for the inconvenience.. After this I received a long paragraph stating money difficulties in paying me for days off and paying for alternative childcare and that they would no longer be paying for any bereavement days off and no more SSP. Once again they also made a point of their workloads and now that I need to be on Thursday.

My sister is a nanny and her family have been much more accommodating and understanding. I suppose a second opinion is what I'm after. Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 11/05/2016 08:33

Should be 50/50 as across or of thumb re holiday, although it doesn't always work out like that in practice. I'm a nanny and have had numerous holiday requests turned down as not convenient to my employer. We usually manage to compromise and age is generous over Christmas to be fair.

Any paid bereavement time off is at their discretion- as with any employer, lots of workplaces are the same. I know this sounds harsh but your bereavement and subsequent time off just leaves them in the lurch childcare wise and means they may be paying double to get a temp in or piss off their own employers. It's a delicate balancing act. If it was me (and it has been) I'd be expected to come in, maybe get to leave early, or have a bit of a related day with the children but I'd still have to be there and functioning. Same as if you were responsible for your own children after a bereavement.

You do have a legal requirement to holiday- they should know that, so try and get some guidelines down in writing for that- do you have any kind of contract?

Sorry for your losses Flowers

WellErrr · 11/05/2016 08:28

If it's not s good fit then look for a new job.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
JonasRose · 11/05/2016 08:22

BlueAtringPudding - Holiday has to be booked with a months notice which is what I did do in November when I wanted a week off in December but was denied of this. I wasnt told their would be months I couldnt take holiday when I applied/got the job. Unfortunately it deems very difficult to get any time off and I feel bad for asking now which I don't think I should.

Thank you for your condolence.

OP posts:
Alanna1 · 11/05/2016 07:47

I don't think your employers should have to pay you, but they should give you time off unpaid. You should also get overtime if they are regularly late in my opinion - at least that's what I do. We have a 15 minute buffer but I pay overtime after that.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 11/05/2016 07:40

It's absolutely none of your business what DadBoss does with his day, you're there to do your job regardless.

In any job you have you can only take holiday when it works for everyone, I can't take holidays in May or November because my bosses workload is ridiculous then. It's just one of those things.

I'm sorry for your loss, but in any job I've worked in, you don't get time off for a death in the family unless its parent/child/sibling...it's not unusual nor is it unfair of them

ChablisTyrant · 11/05/2016 00:23

I employ a nanny and I'm afraid I would also expect them to take annual leave if they wanted time off to deal with the deaths of indirect family. It is harsh but absolutely standard practice.

And I don't like your comments about what the father chooses to do with his time while you are employed. It is none of your business. He may sleep and play music because he likes working in the evenings. Regardless, you have a job to do.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 11/05/2016 00:19

You're confusing different issues. You aren't entitled to days off for deaths of extended family members. They didn't have to give you any paid time off at all. Neither is it your concern you being off costs them in childcare cover. If you have problems with noise etc you should deal with it properly, it is unrelated.
So is your holiday, you need to book your full annual leave properly and take it, however they don't have to let you have it when eve r you like, which is common to many jobs.
You don't seem to be approaching this job very professionally.

BlueStringPudding · 11/05/2016 00:15

I work for a large corporate and it is standard only to have time off due to bereavement where it is an immediate family member, ie parent, child or sibling.

So in the situation you describe we would be expected to take any time off as holiday, assuming it is convenient to take it from a business perspective.

So I don't think your employers are being unreasonable. Did you suggest that you would take the time off as holiday? It is really awkward to find childcare at short notice and this is just as important if you work from home, as you still need to work.

I am very sorry to hear about your cousin, that must have been a dreadful time.

OutToGetYou · 11/05/2016 00:10

Sorry, missed your holiday comment. You are legally entitled to 28 days paid leave. Ask them what notice they want from you to book it and then book it.

Tell them you are entitled to it. They can turn it down for operational reasons but not forever. If they turn it down ask when they think you should take it.

OutToGetYou · 11/05/2016 00:08

To be honest, from a legal perspective, giving you any time off is kindness.

Can you take holiday, you are entitled to 28 paid days a year.

Original poster
JonasRose · 11/05/2016 00:02

One more thing to add to this is that the Dad works from home, takes the oldest child to school and picks up almost everyday without fail.. On the occasions when I have been off from work the oldest has had play dates to save childcare costs and the youngest has gone to a local childminder within walking distance of the house and school.. On various occasions, the dad has been asleep in bed during the day and often blares his music on the surround system all day, yet I never speak of this..
In December 2015 I was denied of a weeks holiday with my family as they said "this time of year our workloads are ridiculous" and I didn't complain once.. I've worked there a year and have never taken my own holiday because I've been made to feel so bad about my SSP time off and my Nans death.

Opinions from nanny's and parents welcome!

OP posts:
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