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Original poster

'Mum says she's going to fire you!!'

40 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 25/02/2016 17:12

I've worked at my current position for nearly two years. One charge, 9 year old girl. Dogs that I walk/look after.

Never had an appraisal/pay review in that time even though I believe I earn below market rate (live out and in central London) I sometimes do proxy parenting and staying over as MB is a single parent and goes away on business quite regularly. Some weekend work too at same hourly rate as mon-fri.

I was very much a Nanny initially but over the past year or so it has lapsed into more of a housekeeping territory, with expected tasks creeping in that were not in my initial job description but I've just sort of accepted as girl is becoming a little more independent (I say a little, as she needs constant badgering to shower/brush hair/ teeth, do homework etc etc)

Last week the girl and the mum went skiing. The day before was half term Monday so has my charge all day. We went for long dog walk, finished a project she had to do for school, baked a cake, went shopping, then she had time on the iPad while I ironed all her clothes and put them out ready to pack, as instructed. Packed her toiletries. Cleaned her shoes, washed and dried her hair, cooked dinner from scratch for her and her mum. Kitchen tidy and clean, dishwasher on. Mum had text earlier in the day to say I needed to find and pack a certain pair of trousers. Did not find them- haven't seen them for months- I am sure she left then when she has a sleepover party.

Mum gets back at 7:30- I'd been there for 12 hours at this point. First thing she asks about is the trousers. She was annoyed I hadn't found them. Said I needed to be better organised. We went together to my charge's spare room school uniform wardrobe as she said it was in a state. (It was- I'd been looking for the trousers but as it was half term planned a big tidy of it while they were away)

It's difficult as I constantly pick up after my charge- she will literally chuck her clothes off where she stands and leave them there, hair bobbles all over the place, constant mess and rubbish on the sofa when she gets in from school. Maybe it's par for the course but she is nearly 10. I feel like I'm forever picking up after her.

Anyway my boss seemed really frosty with me and as I was dog sitting while they were away sent me a list of jobs to complete- washing all the towels, sewing buttons, tidying the pantry, cleaning the fridge, things like that. Tone was that I was lazy and needed to do more!

I've always done my charge's washing and ironing, keep her room tidy, no issue with that.

Sure enough when they got back my charge was full of 'mum wanted to fire you before we went away! She was so mad because she says you don't do much!' (Didn't say in front of mum)

Is this unprofessional?! Could she actually just fire me? What would she be able to say the reason was? Would I have any rights? Notice period on contract is one month. She seems okay with me at the moment. Has not said anything directly. But feels like a big black cloud.

I do want to leave and have had a couple of interviews since Christmas but the last one that was promising wanted to fiddle the tax and do under the table payments and I'm not prepared to do that.

Sorry it was so long. Wanted to vent and seek any advice if possible!

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Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 24/03/2016 13:31

I did used to like her, honest! She does have her moments now when we can have a nice chat and I enjoy spending time with her. It's just the rudeness that is really getting to me at the moment. I think there's a combination of things and a surge of preteen hormones that have turned her into a tyrant of late.

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BunnyBunnyMooseMoose · 24/03/2016 11:44

Oh crap, that comes accross rather bitchy Blush I only mean that it doesn't sound like a happy nanny-family relationship

BunnyBunnyMooseMoose · 24/03/2016 11:43

You really don't sound like you like this girl... maybe it'd be better for both of you if you did move on?

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 24/03/2016 10:25

Apparently other girls in the class help her to get dressed again after PE! Although to be honest I think it's part laziness/self-entitlement. She can do it but gets herself so worked up its ridiculous! I have no idea how she'd cope with boarding school.

She's been ever so slightly better of late and I've been trying to do positive reinforcement as you might a much younger child and she seems to respond quite well. Then as a reward she gets time when we do an activity together of her choosing.

Still want to leave though.

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MazzleDazzle · 24/03/2016 10:15

She'll never

MazzleDazzle · 24/03/2016 10:14

I'd definitely look for something else and leave.

It'll be interesting to see how they cope when you go! They sound awful and take you for granted.

Next time, be sure to have a contract which outlines your hourly rates and expected duties. This should be updated every time circumstances change.

IMHO the mother is being cruel by babying her daughter and then packing her off to boarding school. One extreme to the other! She's nevwe cope.

nannyafrica · 19/03/2016 17:30

Who does her buttons/zips when she changes for PE at school?

SuperFlyHigh · 19/03/2016 10:11

Parented not painted!

SuperFlyHigh · 19/03/2016 10:11

Actually you can use star/reward charts from 10 onwards even with spoiled children but need to know how you could do it, what the child wants.

It sounds... Here as if the child probably wants more of her mums attention or even of yours in a more mummy way. This is where a star chart could come into play.

Sort of comparable, neighbour has 12 year old DD who has a 15 year old AS DB, his spectrum has made him an awful child to be around and taken lots of his mum's time. The DD has been subjected to his bullying and has also had preteen strops. Her mum now makes far more of an effort to encourage her to eg bake cakes, take her out for the day somewhere grown up etc. just the two of them. The DD was crying out for this one on one time.

Part of your charge's problems is either her mother or previous childcare provider hasn't painted her re her own care (simple stuff she should've been doing at 5 if not younger and upwards).

Anon2309 · 02/03/2016 20:40

Find another job first, and then leave! They sound awful

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 02/03/2016 08:10

Yes, nearly ten. I actually did have to discuss with her mum about her needing to do her own buttons/zips!! She has been known to sink to the floor in despair and sob at having to fasten her top school shirt button....

I dream of the day I can resign, I really do- just have such high outgoings on the flat I share with my DP that I haven't dared to risk it incase I don't find something straight away.

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NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 02/03/2016 02:36

Good God...

I have the utmost respect for childcare providers. They do a job I could never do and I don't think they get paid nearly enough.

I'd be gone from this so fast...

If only for the peace!

I'd resign. Just reading about this job does my head in...I can't imagine any amount of money is worth it. St Davids

Whatsthematterwithme · 02/03/2016 02:02

'We have discussed getting the girl to be a little more independent (basics like choosing her own clothes to wear, doing her own buttons up, putting her rubbish in the bin, drying her own hair or getting her own drink)'

Do I understand this right? She is nine and you have discussed she needs to do her own buttons up?

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 29/02/2016 13:33

I confiscated her phone (she has a habit of just using it to call her mum if she's been told off) the wailing and the snivelling, honestly, she was beastly. I mentioned to her this morning that her Easter holidays are long (4 weeks!!Shock ) and that I would need a break after them but apparently I don't really because I'm 'lucky I get weekends off' Hmm

little madam. She can be nice to be around occasionally but this is increasingly only happening when she wants something. Boarding school is going to be a huge shock for her currently- she still sleeps in her mum's bed every night and has her clothes and breakfast brought to her when she wakes up (I do not do this!)

Am currently looking for another job! Very unhappy with this at the moment.

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WicksEnd · 28/02/2016 13:50

God I don't know how you do it. I'd not last an hour being given instructions from a ten year old! 'Get my socks' indeed! Angry
The mother doesn't sound like much of a parent at all. Hope you find someone who appreciates you very soon, cos they certainly don't seem to.

harshbuttrue1980 · 28/02/2016 13:39

What was the repercussion for her making that rude comment about you being sacked? I hope that you either punished her yourself or let her mother know. She can't get away with being vile like that. Boarding school will be a huge shock - I normally disapprove of boarding school, but she sounds like she needs her corners rubbed off and boarding school will do that.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 26/02/2016 14:52

Come to think of it, last week I was running late due to tube signal failure, so the mum said charge would be ready and they'd meet me at the bus stop to travel to school. Charge had unbrushed teeth and hair, sleep dust in her eyes, skirt buttoned up wrong, breakfast down her jumper and had forgotten half her sports kit. So maybe I actually do run a pretty tight ship in the morning, because that simply wouldn't have happened on my watch.

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Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 26/02/2016 12:36

An hour in the morning getting ready/taking to school. 3:30-7:30 evenings. Do bits and bobs for her and the mum during the day. Plus dog care. 12 hour days in school holidays. Every two months or so overnight care when the mum is away. The odd Saturday or Sunday. Couple of late babysits a month.

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ReallyTired · 26/02/2016 12:32

How many hours a week are you actually looking after this child? How many hours do you work a week? Are you primarily a nanny or a housekeeper?

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 26/02/2016 12:18

Only known her less than two years- since she was 8.

Her old nanny has known her since she was tiny- a two year old I think. She still looks after her occasionally on the times Mum is away and I need a night off! It's fair to say she does baby her completely- she will give her a bath and wrap her in a towel and make her a warm milk. I refuse to have any truck with that- she'll get looking after of she's genuinely poorly but not other than that.

She has improved slightly, I think. She's stopped leaving as much of her belongings strewn about the place since I threatened to come along with a bin liner. Which I did. Cue huge tantrums and sobbing. (I didn't actually throw them in the rubbish chute but she didn't know that, and she did get the stuff back on the condition it was put away)

No screen/electrics might work. She refuses to read, that's an area she's really lacking on so am going to try reading to earn screen time.

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ReallyTired · 26/02/2016 12:08

Whoops I meant "bear" rather than bare. Drafted auto correct.

ReallyTired · 26/02/2016 12:07

Clearly your charge is in a different world to the average mumsnetter. I take your point that rewards are not going to work for the child who already had everything and sounds very spoilt to put it mildly. However even the children of the super rich often seek approval of those around them. Busy parents sometimes use money and lots of material items as a substitute for time and if I dare say it love. Maybe your charge likes being babied as a way of getting attention in a very busy household.

I still mainstain that as a significant adult in this child's life you should bare some responsibility for getting her to be a little independent. I assume you have known this child since she was tiny and you also look after her during school holidays.

Are you allowed to restrict electrical items like access to the Internet or phones or TV? Does your charge have lots of after school activites or homework. Can you use the holidays to teach her new skills?

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 26/02/2016 11:52

By rewarding 'bad behaviour' I meant to say- I won't reward standard behaviour. I don't think I should heap endless praise on a child that manages to say please and thank you or put her own rubbish in the bin. That's a pretty standard level of expectation.

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Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 26/02/2016 11:46

Really don't think it's fair to say I'm failing the child.

And she's obviously at school during the day in term time, although of course I see her before/after.

Surely the parent has to be the highest authority in her life? This can be supported by other people of course. But ultimately they make the rules and ensure their offspring abide by them.

Anything I try to 'enforce' will need to be backed up. This child has everything. She has access to 'her' own money even on a child debit card thing. Yes I have a budget that I could spend on 'treats' but I choose not to reward bad behaviour with a trip to Starbucks. I praise her when she does something independently, of course. An almost ten year old is too old for star charts.

If her attitude and manners are unacceptable I pull her up on it and tell her she is not to speak to me like that. Then I do not engage further until she improves. She is not my child however, I can only do these things to a point.

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ReallyTired · 26/02/2016 11:35

Nannies are protected by employment law as much as anyone. Statutory redundancy pay is not a lot though. Once someone has been in a role for 2 years it becomes hard to sack them.

I am surprised quite how mollycoddled your charge is. I think you are as much to blame as the mother. If you are looking after her 50 hours a week then that is plenty of time to teach her skills. If she is going to boarding school then she will really struggle if she has not got the basics of independent living.

Children respond best to rewards. Those rewards do not have to be expensive. Do you have any kind of budget for treats? Sometimes soft rewards like praise or a smile mean more than expensive rewards. I get the feeling you are blaming Mum and maybe Mum is blaming you for your charge's lack of life skills. The reality is that both of you are failing this child.

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