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Original poster

Taking advantage of Live In Nanny

212 replies

ReasonablyIntelligent · 18/02/2016 17:45

Hi all,
I'm looking for some advise on how to deal with my Employer as I'm becoming increasingly unhappy in my position.

I am contracted to work 48 hours a week, Mon to Fri - I am aware that this is unusually low hours for a Nanny, a week typically being 60, so I am grateful for that.
However, since I started (4 months ago) I have yet to work a 48 hour week.
I live in a granny flat attached to the family home so obviously don't have a commute and am easily accessible.
It started off with Mum asking me if I minded staying an extra half an hour at the end of the day, always very apologetic. So instead of finishing at 5.30/6.00 I would finish at 6.30. Fine, don't mind staying late if she really needs it once in a while.
Now, however, 6.30 seem to be my default finish time, and I actually now consider it to be an early finish as 7.00/7.30 is more common.

This isn't so much "asked" nowadays as "told" and since Christmas there has only been 2 weekends that I've had the full two days off. Most of the Sundays had been booked in advanced - fair enough - but almost every weekend now I've been asked to work "just a few hours" so that the Mum can catch up on work. The problem with this is that we live extremely rurally and I don't have a car* which means I rely on public transport. By working even a few hours - my entire day is taken over, as I have to plan around the time and rarely can go out, in case it'd make me late. I also feel uncomfortable knowing I have to be back for a certain time so generally don't risk going out anyway.

I'm also feeling quite put upon because this extra work that my Boss is having to complete could easily be done in her working hours but she spends a lot of time during the day fussing over me or getting distracted by the baby. She must spend about an hour in 10 minute increments throughout the day just basically faffing with the baby.

*The job I applied for was offering a separate apartment away from the house and a separate car - neither of which actually happened. They had trouble with their first nanny and I think didn't want to make more financial commitment early on (fair enough) and said that it'd be something they look after I'd settled in.

Anyway, sorry for the essay! Am I being completely ungrateful and unreasonable? I feel so trapped (we're in a very rural area in a foreign country where I don't speak the language) as I just don't seem to ever be away from work.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 20/02/2016 19:52

There's loads more problems as well. She's super germphobic so the baby and I are not really allowed to leave the house, except for 1 walk a day in the woods and one trip a week to playgroup. The rest of the time we have to stay indoors, where she's working from home and often comes and intervenes. I find this really difficult.
She needed me this afternoon because she has a work deadline and I know this is really unfair of me but she had a 2 hour hairdresser appointment this week, did an hour and a half at the home gym everyday and went swimming twice (2 hours each time) plus the usual fuss over the baby during the day - and so part of me was really resentful for having to work this afternoon. (Not my business though, I realise that).

OP posts:
Pretendingtobe31 · 20/02/2016 19:44

Time to have a clear conversation. I know that's tough - but this is business, not personal.

You deserve time off and you need to make that clear to them.

You need to have the conversation (not chat!) with a copy of contract in front of you. And point of the glaring problems

ImperialBlether · 20/02/2016 19:41

She's really unfair. It's so much easier if you have a home away from the family home so you can put your coat on and just go; if you're nearby it can so easily be abused.

What did she need you for this afternoon?

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 20/02/2016 19:39

I feel even worse now, I was meant to be working this afternoon but by the time it came around I was so tired and worn down I could barely cope. After about half an hour I asked the Mum if she really needed me this afternoon as I was really tired and not feeling 100%, and as I won't have a full day off until mid Mar.
She was really really angry as I'd landed it on her last minute (which I know I shouldn't have done but I just couldn't cope). I tried to back track and stay working but she wouldn't let me and now I feel awful.

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 19/02/2016 08:58

The salary you were offered was for the terms you were offered, but they haven't been honoured.

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 19/02/2016 08:51

This is not going to help my cause but I do get paid a lot, more than I would as a live out in London, so maybe that some where the attitude comes from.
But the pay is pretty standard for an international position.

I have kept my eye on job listing to be honest. I'm renewing my first aid certificate in March and have been looking at CPD I can do to enhance my CV which would potential push my rate up so I wouldn't be taking such a salary hit if I came back to the UK (I'm becoming a Makaton Tutor first of all and then later in the year a Life Guard too).

I'm glad to know people don't think I'm being a cowbag (unless news of my salary changes things! 😕)

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 18/02/2016 23:09

Ignore the "atmosphere": arrange those dates! Or meeting friends or whatever. Don't sacrifice your free time to this job.

Is there any reason not to just seek a different job?

Surely that much overtime is in breach of the working time rules (if you're in Europe).

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/02/2016 20:05

do you have a contract?

you agreed to 48 mon to fri so 9.5hr day roughly

often live in do 2 nights bs a week in the agreed salary so late finishs could be then

weekends i would say no

and also discuss the car/use of theirs

sadly sounds like they are shit employers and if like this now they wont improve and i would look for another job

if it does improve then no need to accept any job offers but doesnt hurt to look

magpie17 · 18/02/2016 18:11

Could you ask for a 'meeting' (they are your employer after all) to discuss your working pattern? Just explain, like you have here, that you feel that the terms of your contract are not being adhered to and whilst you are happy to accommodate some overtime, you really don't want to do it every day/week.

Think about what you are willing to do so you have a starting point for negotiations. E.g are you happy to do the hours but want the car your were supposed to have? Would you agree to all overtime during the week, but want at least one day free at the weekend?

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 18/02/2016 18:02

I do get paid for the extra hours - I would be away like a shot if I didn't.
This week I will have done 20 hours overtime. Next week I'm scheduled to do at least 48 overtime!
You could argue that its a good thing as it does make up a significant chunk of my income...

I tried to refuse the hours for this Saturday but was met with such an atomosphere.
I get the impression that I'm meant to do the overtime, as in - that's what I'm there for as a Live In Nanny.

I'm trying to make friends and do some dating but everytime I'm asked out I can't go. I actually worked out that I don't have a free weekend until the end of May! (two of those weekends are me going home though, tbf)

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 18/02/2016 17:49

You could start by refusing any hours at all during your days off without a decent amount of notice.

Duckdeamon · 18/02/2016 17:48

YANBU. It sounds like they are poor employers: in your shoes I would be looking for a new job.

Have you been paid for the extra hours?