Taking advantage of Live In Nanny

OP I have been in the exact same situation you are in now, only the kids were older and much more of a handful.

Yes, the money is great and the idea you can retire/buy a property back home after X amount of time is a huge carrot that you tell yourself is worth all the shit you're putting up with, but believe me, it absolutely is not.

I continued being a live-in slave for an increasingly unreasonable Boss for the best part of 2 years and it almost broke me. I was so isolated and lonely, and my mental health began to suffer. I haven't regretted leaving for a single second.

I highly recommend you get out whilst you still have your sanity. These people will only become more and more demanding and unreasonable, and treat you less and less like a human being and more and more like an item of their personal property to be used and abused as they see fit.

There are far less damaging ways to earn good money.

The thing is, Not, is there won't be a meeting. They have already been pushing it back and fobbing you off. All they have done is put more and more barriers in place to hem you in - no car, ramping up the hours, the 2-hours out rule, with 1 hour being out on a walk with the baby, fobbing off your concerns, procrastinating on the meeting.

This is already making you sick. NO job is worth that. Truly not.

They don't want an employee, they want a slave/robot.

Get the fuck away from them. They don't deserve chances. What they are doing isn't just taking advantage, it's abusive.

I'm definitely going to hand in my notice if they don't revoke that. I would have done already but I would rather keep it in reserve in case we can work things out, but I will have it on me, in writing, at the meeting to hand over if they cannot agree to allow me more freedom and autonomy at work.

I'm feeling a lot healthier at the moment, since having a break the last 4 days (though 2 of them were at a course! doh!) as last week I was actually starting to have (very minor) panic attacks.
I do not want to feel like that again and no job is worth it. I miss my friends and family desperately so unless they agree to allow me to do my job, I will leave.

They want a captive, not an employee. If you were my daughter, I would be fucking livid at how you are being treated. They are taking great advantage of you. Fuck that. NO ONE deserves that.

This!

The situation sounds very intense & like they want to keep both you & the baby isolated. Very concerning.
I think you should hand in your notice regardless!

the situation appears to be growing in its intensity- what did you say to the maximum two hours out the house? Is this every day it only days you are contracted to work?

I think you are in danger of either over working yourself to the point where you won't be able to function safely, or the family are going to keep ramping up the expectations to the point where you are going to be in dark murky waters- it doesn't even sound like they view you as an employee? More like a person they have bought and have infinite power over.

'"the one thing Mum Boss and I agree on is that we want you out of the house for a MAXIMUM of 2 hours a day".
Note that this hour or so is only allowed walking in the local forest - not going into town etc.

To me this is extremely unreasonable and i'm glad he set that down as I have something concrete to work on I think. '

They want a captive, not an employee. If you were my daughter, I would be fucking livid at how you are being treated. They are taking great advantage of you. Fuck that. NO ONE deserves that.

Look, this woman and her health problems are not your job. They are making it impossible for you to do your job. Again, this is not your problem. Please put yourself first and hand in your notice. There will be no talk and she will continue to dominate and take advantage of you.

You sound like a slave rather than a nanny.

This boss is completely unreasonable and it's not your position to sort her out.

Get the hell out of there quickly.

Hi,
Sorry for the delay - I was back at home in the UK (drinking and moaning mostly ).
Unsurprisingly, they cancelled the meeting AGAIN. I couldn't get them to have it as planned and of course you can't force someone to talk to you when they don't want to!
I've still held off from handing in my written notice as I think that would add an air of finality which wouldn't lend itself to sorting things out.
However, if we can't sort things out I will hand in my notice on the spot in the meeting - which is now scheduled for early next week (29th/30th March) - so I kind of have it to "fall back on" so to speak.
I was really angry about it being cancelled again at the time as I had no sleep the night before and was physically sick all morning with anxiety - and it felt like a waste of angst!
But a small part of me is relieved and I do think that I will be calmer and more pragmatic now I've had some time to think, and some time to relax at home. Though that may be because its not crunch time yet!

One thing to note, however, I did manage to snatch a couple of seconds chat with the Dad who told me that "the one thing Mum Boss and I agree on is that we want you out of the house for a MAXIMUM of 2 hours a day".
Note that this hour or so is only allowed walking in the local forest - not going into town etc.

To me this is extremely unreasonable and i'm glad he set that down as I have something concrete to work on I think.

Thanks again for everyone's support.

How did it go op?

Good luck!

It has the potential to be a very awkward car journey!
I've been getting a lot of support, both here and from friends/family (which I feel very lucky about) which is helping.

Well if she hasn't gotten the message in the morning, 6 hours should do it!

Sorry you are stressed !

I'm back home at the moment, flying back tonight. I woke up this morning sick with anxiety. I am absolutely bricking myself about going back. Talk tomorrow morning - right before we're going away and I have to be in the car with her for 6 hours.
She's always stressed on the mornings we're going away anyway.

Honestly you sound like a lovely nanny. Hope you find another job asap

Gosh. Could you work your two weeks notice and then have a short break in Switzerland before going home in a few weeks?

Hi all, meeting changed to (probably) next Tuesday. I did see Boss briefly today (I had the day off) and she seemed deeply unhappy with me - though I'm well known for being paranoid and anxious so take that with a pinch of salt.
Baby apparently started vomiting today, she had diarrhea since Monday (doctor on Wed said it's nothing to worry about) which I think is worrying her too. They went to pharmacy and doctors today who just prescribed electrolytes.
I think baby being sick now is not going to help this Talk. I'm reluctant to hand in my notice in writing before the Talk as I have a desperate hope it can be resolved, but I'm still of the mindset that I'm resigning, despite having gone to the health insurance appointments today!

Thank you all again for your advice. I feel so rotten and guilty and anxious about the whole thing I could cry!

Could you email them both to say that you feel a meeting is important for the family as well as yourself, but you're Aware that logistics make this impossible for a number of weeks/a month.
In the email you could outline the issues you would have raised at the meeting. Ask if they could respond by next Wednesday (or whatever date you feel is reasonable).

I did wonder how the baby's nappy rash meant the meeting couldn't go ahead - I do agree with Tread - can't they do a meeting by conference call if you're unable to all physically be in the same place?

Assuming the meeting didn't happen last night then serve notice in writing today stating that you have requested a meeting on a number of occasions to discuss issues arising which they don't appear to be able to facilitate so you have to assume that they don't wish to address your concerns.

I guarantee you will have a meeting with both parents very quickly.

You aren't happy there and tbh unlikely to be so hand in your notice
Whether 2 weeks or month or till end of may

Some parents just can't change and if you were a live out nanny then maybe stay and chat about it

but a live in - in a foreign country where you don't speak their language and work silly hours 7 days a week seems insane to stay

Goodness, their schedules sound a nightmare...you don't sound like a whiner - at the very least can you get an agreement that the housekeeper will do more relief overtime childcare as needed and not just as a one off so at least you don't burn yourself out? It's obvious she does trust you, I agree on that, the weird behaviours and faffing etc is about her feeling she has input/can't help herself. It is a weird feeling seeing your baby being competently handled by someone else most of the time and not sorry to see you go etc, takes a while to get used to.

I think you need to insist on the meeting happening tonight. You can't let this drag on and on and on...

Also sorry if I come across as heartless in any of these posts, I'm so tired generally and I'm finding it hard living in a country where I don't speak the language and don't know anyone - I'm such a whiner, sorry.

Hi all, thanks for your fab advice. I was all geared up and had schedules prepared etc but Boss has just cancelled the meeting because of baby's nappy rash.
She's given me tomorrow off (housekeeper is covering me) which is nice but means we can't do it tomorrow (also Husband is away again) and can't do it Friday or over the weekend as I'm flying back to the UK. When I come back we are travelling straight back to Switzerland until end of March where it won't be possible to have the meeting either because she'll be out of the house most of the time and, again, husband will be away. I'm then away for a week and then we're travelling back to Switzerland so no opportunity for a meeting until Mid April!

I feel really awful about this whole thing and so guilty, she really is lovely and it's becoming more and more obvious that its an anxiety thing and not to do with me (if they didn't trust me with the baby I wouldn't be doing so much sole charge abroad and proxy parenting at home).

Regardless of the H's schedule, the mum is the one exhibiting anxiety about her baby while also working weekends and overtime, crazy hours for any parent but definitely very hard for both parents to be doing that.