Taking advantage of Live In Nanny

Jesus, I remember reading the first chunk of this and feeling worried for you.
I really hope that you're safe op

oh no! Hope.you're ok

OP, I hope you are okay. I remember feeling very upset after leaving my job; the whole episode felt traumatic. I'm probably too sensitive for my own good but I learned a lot.

How are you doing op? Hope you're settling back home.
They sound absolutely bonkers & you are definitely better off out of it! What an awful time!
I feel for the baby too!
You have done the right thing, I'm sure they would have pushed you to the point that you were verging on unstable (hilarious that MB had a cheek to say that with the way she has been!)

Well done for leaving.
Although next time if they keep delaying a meeting for nearly a month and make you live in the house no separately as agreed and negated all your original contract details then leave.
Enjoy the breathing space and freedom.

This is insanity. While you're looking for another job for gods sake go on an assertiveness course. You have been being used as a door mat. Great for others shit for you. You are too nice by far.

We always have au pairs etc and always make sure that any overtime is given back. Good help is very hard to find. They are total idiots to have done this to you as they will discover to their cost. Karmas going to bite them on the arse big time.

How are you doing OP?

I hope you're feeling better - hopefully you feel like there's been a weight off!

They are fucking insane. I'm glad you got the fuck away from them. I'd have told her she was a fucking lunatic and that I feel sorry for her child with such a bonkers, whacked excuse for a mum. They don't want a nanny, they want a robot or a slave.

Hope you are ok op.

I'm glad you don't have to stay with them tonight. I hope the kindness of strangers comes into play with your luggage. You are almost home. Don't look back. X

I'll give a full update tomorrow. I'm staying in a hostel tonight and fly tomorrow morning. I somehow managed to get 6 months worth of stuff packed but am not looking forward to getting 2 extra large suitcases, a medium suitcase, a laptop case, a large handbag and a small handbag on the tube tomorrow!
I managed to heave it all the way on the train and into the city today though so it's not impossible.

Thank you for all your replies.
I sort of wish I'd just gone on sick leave and claimed some more pay but that would have been really unfair so...yeah

I didn't post before because I was hoping it would work out for you OP. About 20 years ago I was a nanny (live out) for a family. The dad was an artist who was around the house a lot and I encountered the same sort of problems that you mentioned - the parents were also under a lot of stress so I was trying to do the right thing by them. However I was getting increasingly stressed by the environment. I tried to highlight what I was unhappy about in a meeting with the mother ( who was home much less, the dad disappeared at the mention of a meeting). She said I was doing a fantastic job and was good with the kids but wouldn't listen to any of my concerns (which I had raised before). Just brushed them off, minimised etc - I felt lost. So I said that I was sorry but I felt that I had to hand in my notice. Well, she completely lost it, accused me of having another job to go to (I hadn't) and ranted at me. I said to her that I felt now that I couldn't work my notice and I walked out as I thought she might hit me. As I reached the door, I heard her run up behind me and she grabbed the door out of my hand and slammed it hard as I left. As Pico said earlier in a post that helped me a lot even after all these years - it says more about them than about you or words to that effect. You seem like a decent person. Please don't blame yourself. I discovered later that my family had lost several nannies quickly. Thinking of you. Get clear, go home. X

Yes you sound much better off out of there, nothing's worth getting poorly over - it's hilarious that the mum accused you of being unstable :) Good nannies are hard to come by and most people understand that there are at least one or two people employing nannies who are quite barking. Hopefully one day it'll be merely a funny story you tell when you meet other nannies of 'the worst boss you ever had' type.

Crumbs OP they sound utterly bonkers!

Thank god you're out of there, I think you'll find it nothing but a huge relief.

What prompted you to finally walk out?

I'm so glad you're leaving OP, you could tell from your posts that you were in a bad way, and it was totally down to them and not you.

Presumably you have good references from previous jobs so once you've had a bit of recovery time I'm sure you'll find yourself a much better position.

I think that as unpleasant as it is to be leaving on bad terms, you can probably see now that the mother had no intention of upholding her end of the agreement.

You really are better off being out of there. As a short term gig you don't even have to put it on your CV. Apply some fake tan and claim a nice long holiday.

Best of luck getting home and finding a new role. Update when you are at the airport feeling much lighter!

If I can get another job.
I've obviously got no reference now!

I worked out that my average working week was in excess of 12 hours over my contracted hours (on AVERAGE, so thats been lowered by January being normal hours and every other month being mental hours). So if they try and punish me for not working my notice period then I've got that in reserve. I also have had a severe decline in my mental health - which has been medically documented.

Sounds like the best move OP. I hope your next job is with some much nicer parents!

Also: she said I was a liar and said that I am "psychologically unstable"

Came back to work today.

I had quit by midday.

I'm not working my notice period and leaving immediately.

I hope you're still back in the UK OP.

If you read your OP again it doesn't look as if any of your original valid concerns have been addressed. Instead a concession has been made on something that wasn't actually one of your core issues.

I worked abroad for a bit on a secondment in my early 30s. I didn't enjoy it and thought they didn't like me, but weirdly ended up accepting a permanent position when they offered it to me as I think I'd detached from reality and forgotten that I had a perfectly good job to return to back home and I wasn't particularly enjoying what I was doing. It took a friend to talk some sense into me to make me realise it.

OP I'm not sure why you're staying on with this, you're clearly not enjoying it and as you say the longer you leave it to quit, the shorter length of time it gives them to find a nanny for NY. Can you use your time in the UK to look for another job?

Interesting how so much pregnancy and baby care advice differs from country to country, even within Europe. Makes you wonder how much is actually evidence based!

Have they got a garden? You could put picnic blankets down and do the rolling around etc outside. Although I'm a physio (well I trained as one, haven't workedas one for a few years) and I find the advice not to help them sit very strange! In fact with babies struggling to sit we used to support them to help develop their core tone etc!

Yes, they're German.

Thanks again for the replies, I'll write a better response soon but I'm back in the UK at the moment and am pretending I don't have to go back, ignorance is bliss and all that.

Although I know that babies don't need free movement all day everyday, Mum Boss is a very very very difficult person to argue with and I felt I needed to pick my battles; presently we can go out for a walk every day and "activities" (ie. Something where baby can fully move when we get there) 3 times a week. This can only ever increase.

Are they German? That is very standard advice there - not sitting/propping up or walking them, lots of time on the floor to wriggle around.