Taking advantage of Live In Nanny

Glad you left - finally - money isn't everything - sanity and mental health and your well being is

New man - new home - new job

Sounds perfect - you need to build on your confidence and assertness

Glad re reading your thread your have reliesed so if same thing ever happens again you will leave

Some parents just can't stop micromanaging their nanny

And you have managed to find a job without last 2ref. Well done

I knew I had read something similar before and thought surely there can't be two such employers in the world, then realized the date the thread started.

So happy for you OP, glad you have a nice new employer and a partner.

I'm so pleased for you! I missed this thread the first time round, but have just been reading the highlights HORRIFIED!! I am so glad you got out of there and have made a lovely life for yourself.

Pressed send too soon!

I'm still trying to get over knee-jerk reactions, it took a long time for me to properly trust my employers (which is stupid but I spent the first 2 months very jumpy!) but everything is going very well [touch wood]

Thank you again to everyone for your advice and support!

Hi all,
I've just come across this old thread and thought I'd update.
Thank you again to everyone for all of your support, it was absolutely invaluable and looking back I cannot believe I lasted as long as I did!

I'm re-reading my original post and cursing my stupidity. The family, Mum is particular, were completely insane, really very horrible.
I've enrolled with some counselling as its become apparently that the job left me with some siginificant anxiety issues which I'm pleased to say I'm starting to overcome.

Literally one week after my last update, I met a wonderful man who I now live with . We rent a lovely studio apartment in London and I work for the most amazing family looking after a gorgeous little baby. I've been here for a few months and I really love my job, I'm completely trusted to do it and I never work overtime except for the odd babysitting which is prearranged.

Think its obvious that the issues with previous nanny were actually issues with the parents, she packed her bags something tells me you should do the same. Nothing is worth this stress and money is useless if you are too tiered and unhappy to have a life.
Ignore the emotional blackmail and head back home ASAP.

Have a good break and enjoy your freedom

Horrendous! I hope your next job is better op

It's really knocked my confidence. I'm nervous about going back to work.

Maybe consider a role where you don't live-in for a bit and can have more space from the family? Or do some interim cover positions - a quick way to get lots of good references and a reassuring end date in sight if they are grim to work for.

Have a lovely holiday !

Have a great time Not. You'll feel much better after your break. Your dealing with this blip really well and you're a brilliant nanny.

Nannying's no different to any other job, everyone gets a rotten boss from time to time, it really was them, not you - forget all about it and have a lovely time on your holiday

You sound like an amazing nanny, going above and beyond for your charge. Good luck for the next role!

It's really knocked my confidence. I'm nervous about going back to work.

I'm heading off to do some solo backpacking next week, as a break between jobs.
My thoughts are that by going somewhere really different will kind of draw a line under the whole episode. The last thing I want to do is bring bad-job-baggage to any new role that I start - it'd be really unfair to the new family.

I'm heading off to Israel next Saturday for 3 weeks - going to tour about Israel, Jordan and Egypt - see what's going on over there.

gosh I'm so glad you got out of that, that sort of insidious constant criticism is very, very damaging, she sounds like a 5* wally. In fact with this last conversation I have no sympathy for her, she's taking whatever stress she has and pushing it onto you, very unfair. Looking after a baby all day isn't hard (chuckles) - she's an unkind wally. I hope she gets the right royal mess around from her next nanny!

Well done indeed! You handled that brilliantly in the end (I just wish for your own sake you had managed to end it sooner) - you will make a brilliant nanny when you get a job with a non-control-freak mother.

It sounds like you were rather magnificent in the final analysis. Well done. .

Was the mother a business consultant or similar? She sounds like a 24/7 clever but lacking in common sense control freak type who expects the world to revolve around her very angsty agenda.

Do you know what my non incident was? My toddler charge had poured juice over the kitchen floor repeatedly so I had to remove the carton from her. She ran off to find her Dad who was doing diy - the family had moved into an unfinished house to save on rent and there were drills lying around. I had to follow her for safety reasons. She told her Dad that I had taken the juice, he looked at me - I explained that the juice was being poured on the floor. He turned to the toddler and said 'we don't tell tales - oh, and that goes for you too passport mess!'

I was 23 years old at the time.

If the mother really felt that you were unstable, then she wouldn't have let you continue to look after the baby. She was being spiteful. Take no notice and don't take her words to heart. It's difficult I know. Please take a holiday.

I've just read your thread and well, just, oh my gosh!!!
I agree with passportmess. I hope everything works out for you going forward. It sounds like you are better off out of there!!

You'd reached elastic limit. It was her fault not yours. Please don't feel guilty. That situation was not healthy or sustainable. You seem a thoroughly nice person so don't beat yourself up. I'm sure your anxiety will fade now.

Not hard to look after a baby all day...oh dear. She sounded very difficult.

BTW, I realise that the incident that caused me to leave is such a none incident - I could have just got the baby up from her nap and done as I was told but I'd just had enough.

Hi all,

Thanks for your supportive messages.
Sorry for going slightly AWOL. I took some time out, went to go and stay for a few days with some relatives who live in very rural Somerset to get some headspace. It was nice to not have to worry about anything for a little while.
My anxieties have gotten really bad lately and I've been worrying about the stupidest things.

I'll explain what happened that Monday, I'm sorry if it turns into a novel!

We'd had the meeting just before I went away for the weekend to visit home. I hadn't actually worked since we'd spoken but felt like I'd made my points; that I was feeling undermined and scrutinised unnecessarily, and I didn't need to be micromanaged. This seemed to have been taken on board.

However on Monday (the first time I'd worked since the meeting), it was just the same, if not worse. I can't think of any concrete examples from the morning - but the typical overexplaining, changing what I was doing, controlling behaviour etc.

It came to just past lunch and I had put baby in her pram to go for a nap. She had been awake for just over 2.5 hours and was tired. Too tired to eat her lunch properly and tired enough to cry the moment she was put down (a sure sign she's ready to sleep as she isn't a whinger). 2.5 hours is a decent awake time for her age group and works for her. I had just put her in her pram, she was crying and I was rocking her when Mum comes out and demands that I play with her.
I explain (calmly) that I've already played with her for at least an hour today, and it is time for her nap. She is very tired.
"No." she replies, "I want you to play with her. You need to play with her! You're not playing with her enough!"
I say (super calmly. I didn't once get angry.) "That's fine. If you'd like to get her up and play with her then please do so. But I won't do that. She is tired. You are more than welcome to look after her this morning - and I will go home!"

"You need to listen to me! You need to play with her, I don't have time to play with her. You need to do your job."

"I'm trying to do my job, but you are controlling me again. We have a good schedule that we follow everyday and that's what we're doing. You need to step back and not micromanage me." (so calm, I'm proud)

"I'm not micromanaging you! I'm not trying to control your day at all. I looked at the schedule you showed me and I've rewritten it. I will show it to you tomorrow."

"Rewriting my schedule IS controlling my day."

"I'm the parent and you have to do what I want. You can't just do what you want all day."

"Look, I'm not going to argue with you. You have a very set idea of what you want Baby to be doing during the day. That's fine. But I can't do it anymore. It's not fair."

[she pushes me out of the way to get Baby, picks her up and starts fussing and cooing over her - like she's just been in some massive incident.

"You can't leave. You have to serve your notice."

"I know what my notice is. But I can leave."

God this could go on forever, sorry.
Anyway, I had just hit a complete wall. I wasn't upset. I wasn't angry. But for some reason I just could not bring myself to change what I was doing to accommodate my Boss AGAIN when I knew what I was doing was (also?) the right thing to do.

She said that I was making her life really stressful and difficult.
To which I replied (again not nastily) that the job was making my life really stressful and in fact the doctor wanted to sign me off because of it.

She EXPLODES "how DARE you imply that I'm a bad employer. How DARE you say that I'm causing you stress. You're a liar! I'm not causing you stress. You came into this job psychologically unstable, this isn't because of us. You need to figure out what's going on and fix it if you're anxious"

(my reply "I am. That's why I'm leaving")

"You need to go out more and make friends. Why haven't you learned German yet? You've been here for 7 months and you haven't even learnt German."

"I've not had the time! 12 hours days, 6 days a week and all that time in Switzerland. And I'm doing a degree at the same time. Plus we live really rurally - I can't go anywhere"

"Do you know how lucky you are to finish at 6.30? You have all evening to do whatever you want! And we said you can borrow my car."

"I rarely finish at 6.30 though and then I need to eat and study. And I'm not comfortable using your car too much. You said when I started that I couldn't use it too much because of the insurance."

"Well, you're just lazy. You're clearly more low energy than us. Baby isn't a hard baby is she?"

"Well no, she's lovely. Very easy going."

"Well then! I don't see why you'd be tired just looking after a baby all day. It's not hard to look after a baby all day." (!!!! Yes!!! She actually said this!!!!)

And in the end I just said "Look. I'm not here to have an argument with you. I don't want to argue. It clearly isn't working. I'm going home. Do you need me to work the rest of the week?"

"No! You've made your decision, you can't back out now. Go home! You're not exactly hard to replace. All you do is make my life difficult."

So I went to my living area, packed all my things (somehow!!!), scrubbed the place clean and left that evening. Stayed in a hostel overnight and caught a plane home the next day.
She has since sent me an email asking for photos on my phone of the baby and saying shes "sorry it didn't work out with us. Best of luck in the future"

I told her at various points all of my issues and she brushed them off as me being lazy, unstable, not wanting to do what ALL parents apparently want or just simply being a liar.

Last night was the first night I didn't have a nightmare about her chasing me through the house which is an improvement.

I'm not quite ready to find another job yet, which is pathetic but I feel really anxious about everything at the moment and it wouldn't be fair to take that into a new job.

I also feel enormously guilty. (but so relieved to be home)

I'm sure that was ridiculously long - congrats if you made it all the way through

Have you confronted your employers about this? Maybe, they're unaware and might be thinking that you're too kind and considerate to the family. It's not bad to let them know what your struggles are.

I hope you're ok ? xx