Sour times with childminder

You have behaved badly.

Children who show signs of autism or any SN's are not first noticed by 'psychologists'. Do you know why? Because most people don't get their child routinely checked by psychologists. Concerns are raised by parents, teachers, childcarers etc, people who know the child and see the child on a daily basis. Then you go to someone qualified to investigate further and possibly be given a diagnosis. If only psychologists were allowed to raise the question no-one would be diagnosed, ever. Or we would all have to go for regular psychologist check-ups!

So in answer to your question 'But surely, a childminder can't say things like that and expect to keep her job??.....yes they can. It's part of their duty of care to raise any concerns they have. The same goes for teachers and other people involved in your child's care. Raising a concern of autism or SN's is not an insult. If you perceive it as an insult you need to have a look at your attitudes towards people with ASD or other SN's.

I do understand that she didn't express it well and would have been better and more professional to raise her concerns as a list of issues rather than suggesting autism. Badly communicated concerns are really not a reason to end a contract with a childminder who you have previously liked though. It's extremely harsh to end the relationship because a genuine concern was badly expressed, and that's all it was. She wasn't insulting you or your son, or having a go or anything, just raising a concern.

With regard to the rumours bit....I'm not sure that telling people factually what happened actually counts as 'rumours'. You say she's telling people 'that I sacked her, that she lost her job for being honest'. Maybe read your OP back because based on what you've said...'She recently chose to tell me she thinks one of them is autistic and that I should "get him checked" 'we were so upset that we terminated her contract' that seems to be exactly what happened?!

Spreading rumours is unacceptable. Telling your friends factually why your employment ended is fair enough.

'Been with the childminder for a few years'

You must have thought she was pretty good for a very long time then.

She doesn't sound very experienced or professional, but was right to raise concerns.

I raised concerns with parents, with documented evidence of everything I'd seen. I didn't attempt a diagnosis and they were very upset. Their child is now statemented and still comes to me.

Talking about you after you left is definitely unprofessional. Children come and go for a variety of reasons. It's part of the job and a risk of being self employed.

She should not be talking about you or your son after you have left. The fact that she is talking about her 'suspicions' and spreading rumours implies to me that she is not professional enough to spot ASD!

'Damned if you do, damned if you don't ' is the phrase I often think of in situations like these.
I've kept my suspicions to myself in the past and it has turned out there actually was cause for concern.
I'm doing this job a long time now and have more confidence in my own judgement and we do have a duty to discuss concerns such as these.
Your cm will not have said this on a whim .
It isn't something any parent wants to hear .

Surely you don't think that someone who has spent a few years with your child would say something like this lightly.
She obviously believes what she is saying to you is the truth and that if you did ask a professional medical practitioner their opinion on wether your child had autism or not was a helpful suggestion.
Just because you don't like or agree with what someone says doesn't make it untrue .
Sometimes unqualified people spend alot of time with a child.They have years of child rearing and can compare development milestones.Just because she's unqualified doesn't make her stupid or horrible .
Personally I would have thought hey this woman knows my child I will have him checked out.
A to stop her worrying about him and B to prove to myself that she was wrong .

You can, especially with lots of experience of children, recognise markers for ASD, and raising it with you as a possibility sounds like the right thing to do. Her version sounds quite accurate from what you say.

Saying that a child might be autistic isn't an insult.

It's very unprofessional to talk and spread rumours after a charge has left.

Is the not making eye contact a one off or has he never liked her? If she's thought it for a year she surely saw more than just that. I actually feel sorry for the childminder....