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Original poster

Argh! Need a nanny...

40 replies

BashfulBunny · 17/10/2015 23:11

I have 6 mth old triplet girls and a 3 year old boy. I'm currently on maternity and not due back to work until April 2016. My boy goes to nursery half a day, 5 days per week. I'm looking for a junior nanny or similar (not sole charge) who can help us out as a live in with the possibility of taking on a more senior role of sole charge in April if we all think it's working out.

We've just been let down by someone who was all lined up but has just changed her mind Hmm and have now got just 4 weeks before our current person leaves - a lovely, lovely newly qualified nanny who's off to travel the world. (Wish her well, but we're gutted Sad ).

We were lucky enough to meet her through a work placement when she was a student. Does anyone have any good inside info on where to find someone? We're not getting much luck with childcare.co.uk and some of the nanny agency fees are obscene. I'd rather give it to the nanny!

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Raeray · 12/12/2015 18:58

Did you find a solution in end Bashful?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 26/10/2015 16:05

Any chance you could get your existing nanny to commit to returning in time for you to return to work?

HeadDreamer · 23/10/2015 08:54

I have no experience with triplets or 4 under 5. (Mine are 4 and 1 so a piece of cake compared to what you have).

But I wanted to comment on this. though mine are on pause while I'm on mat leave.

Your company should be paying them throughout your maternity. And since you can't sacrifice SMP, you effectively have an increase in salary during maternity. I used mine (together with DH) to afford 3 full days in nursery for DD1 while I was on maternity leave.

Original poster
BashfulBunny · 23/10/2015 07:21

I agree that Reading is probably making it harder. The irony is that we moved from zone 2/3 because we needed a bigger house. It is better, just not for this it seems.
As much as I'd rather give the money to a nanny, I think you might be right about agencies. I'll give one a ring to see if they think they can help.

Huffle, That's a fair point about 3x15mths. It can't help to ask.

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Artandco · 22/10/2015 14:04

Another suggestion is can you change babies schedule so they have another nap in day, and go to bed later? That way you have them asleep a little more during the day, and then help more when they are awake as your Dh home?

So instead of say 7pm bedtime. Add a nap for them all 5-6pm, and make bedtime 8.30/9pm. Then that late afternoon you can have an hour alone with eldest/ or can use time to rest/ or prep dinner/ etc, and then you can have your Dh help feed them and bath etc after 7pm as he will be around? Even if just for the next 6 months or so whilst they need more hands to help feed and bath.
Hopefully they would also sleep in longer in morning with later bedtime so you could just have 3 year old awake between 7-8am

ImNotChangingMyUsernameAgain · 22/10/2015 13:53

I have had one Norland probationer who I recruited through Norland and one Chiltern NQ nanny who came to me through word of month. The were both absolutely amazing and had been brilliantly trained. However, as with all things, there are good nannies and bad nannies, and I had a horrendous experience with my second Norlander who I had to ask to leave after 5 days.

I think your biggest problem is your location. I live in the London suburbs and I found it difficult to recruit because a lot of nannies seemed to only want to work in central London (zones 1 and 2). I suspect that being out in Reading is even harder.

I think you may have to bite the bullet and go down the agency route to find the type of candidates you want. Eden and Imperial are both pretty good albeit pricey.

As both a lawyer (partner in City firm) and a multiple mum myself, it sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job, and I am sure it can't be easy!

Hufflepuffin · 22/10/2015 13:07

You could contact Norland and see what they say, 3x15 months might be the same as 1 under 1!

I think some earlier posters missed the fact that it was a live in salary being discussed!

Original poster
BashfulBunny · 22/10/2015 08:10

hat's interesting, fairground. I could maybe see about extending it for a bit.

ImNot, did you find your nannies direct from Norland or anothrr route? Sadly we've missed the boat with them as the newly qualified ones only become avail in July and it has to be a placement with at least one under 1. Ours will be 15 months by then.

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Original poster
BashfulBunny · 22/10/2015 02:17

That's exactly what we had been thinking, ImNot, but the advice here - I'm assuming from nannies? - is that this is too much to ask. The nanny we currently have is fresh out of Chiltern college (how I wish we could keep her Sad ) but we're just not attracting any interest, so I'm at a loss and starting to panic.

Her view was that it was a great job (hence why she's with us at the moment) but it seems most college nannies are off travelling and doing holiday resort seasons for the first few years now. Don't blame them, but it takes a huge swathe out of the market.

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ImNotChangingMyUsernameAgain · 21/10/2015 23:26

Ok, firstly take a breath - you will find someone.

I think you are looking at this the wrong way. Rather than trying to split the hours and complicate things treat it as a full time role from 8am - 7pm with the 'benefit' of some time off during the morning. These are totally normal live in hours.

The salary for a live-in nanny is considerably lower than live out and is generally not based on an hourly rate. The going rate for a live in nanny is £350-£450 net per week which works our at around £18k to £22k per annum.

I actually think 6 months of shared care then moving to sole charge will be attractive to junior nannies who will be keen to get triplet experience. I say this as someone who has employed Norland probationers (sadly they no longer do probation) and found that they came out of college fully equipped to take on multiples.

fairgroundsnack · 21/10/2015 23:08

I salute you!! I have no advice re the nanny specifically but thought of two things that might be relevant to you. Firstly, if you are getting SMP at any time during your mat leave, have the vouchers as they are free - your employer cannot sacrifice salary from SMP. Same if you have a salary sacrifice pension. Secondly, I know one city law firm which gave a junior associate who had twins 2 years of mat leave instead of one - she just asked them. I don't know what kind of firm you work for but if it's a reasonably sized one might that be an option? It's not as if they are likely to have loads of employees with triplets.

Original poster
BashfulBunny · 21/10/2015 22:56

Where's Mary Poppins when you need her..?

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Original poster
BashfulBunny · 21/10/2015 22:54

I'll hunt out the bath chairs - they sound more space saving than the one we have which is from our eldest.

DP and I had a chat and we've changed our ad to an afternoon nanny. We've then put up a separate one for someone who's not yet experienced to help get J dressed in the morning and take him to nursery. We've changed the nanny rate to £8-10ph gross depending on experience. Hopefully that will help.

Both DP and I have the tax relief vouchers, though mine are on pause while I'm on mat leave.

We had a lovely person from surestart who used to come for 2 hrs per week, but she left a couple of weeks ago as she's now pregnant. We could ask them for help again.

Ha. I'm definitely wary of triplets!

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Blondeshavemorefun · 21/10/2015 19:55

I love twins and looked after lots of them including 5 sets of newborns

Tho triplets would make me wary ........ Let alone adding a 3yr

Agree def need experienced nanny

Will your work offer vouchers / that will free up £243/8 that you don't pay tax on and maybe can mean you pay a slightly higher hourly rate

Hufflepuffin · 21/10/2015 19:52

No advice from me, just a round of applause! Sounds like you are doing a brilliant job.

NuffSaidSam · 21/10/2015 19:31

I know I keep banging on about this, but really do think how impossible this is for you and then remember it will be the same for a nanny! You really do need someone experienced.

The plastic bath chairs are money well spent btw. You obviously can't wander off and leave them in there, but it does mean you can be somewhat hands free. You can get one out and dried whilst watching the other two etc. It's good for the time when they can't sit properly and also the time when they first start standing and they always want to stand in the bath which is dangerous; the chairs keep them sitting. Even with one baby I find them really useful.

If you can muddle through the morning by yourself, you can use the money saved to pay a higher rate to the afternoon nanny. This will attract better, more experienced candidates. This should mean you can get some sleep or spend time with DC1 whilst the nanny has the triplets or all four by herself.

I'm an experienced nanny and I never take a job even with twins unless they're 3+, so I really do take my hat off to you!

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/10/2015 19:25

Again check with Tambra and sure start and hv

Triplet exp is priceless

Totally understand about career - just thought may be an option x

Original poster
BashfulBunny · 21/10/2015 17:01

We did have some students from a local nanny college and in fact our current nanny is one who came back to us after qualifying.

The time they place their students is only during the summer. I could see if there are any other local colleges.

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Original poster
BashfulBunny · 21/10/2015 16:48

Clothes are already prepared for the morning for J, though usually I just wrap the babies up and leave them in their babygrows. We have arranged a sort of change station in the triplets room so everything is to hand all the time. Their clothes are sorted in drawers by type so never any need for selecting anything. The change bag is always packed and ready to go ay any given time. The buggy is always preprepared from when it is last used the day before.

Breakfast isn't laid out, which we could do (although J serves himself as he is very into his independence so while time is saved by having things ready, if it causes a meltdown then it actually takes more time). The triplets are only just starting weaning - grasping things is very hit and miss so just putting stuff in front of them is no good. They can't pick it up reliably and need help every time it gets dropped on the floor and recycled back to their mat. I spend a lot of my meals on my feet just going from chair to chair picking up food and guiding it back into their hands.

DP comes in at 6.30, looks after J, baths and puts him to bed by 7.45-8pm (this time is very important to J as he misses DP hugely during the week). Then DP makes own supper and tidies up from our tea, does washing up, puts a washing load on (there's always washing!) and tidies toys etc downstairs. I might need help during this time if one of the triplets starts crying while I am feeding another, so DP may be back upstairs settling one of them or resettling J if he gets woken by the noise. DP also helps during the night if the same thing happens. I can't ask for more help in the morning as DP already gets up at 5.30 for work.

We do preprepare as much as possible. Sorry if I sound defensive, but I am at a loss as to how to make it so I can do it alone.

I do know that one issue is the breastfeeding. I really, really don't want to give it up as it is good for them and gives them some one to one time which is otherwise lacking, but it does mean that feeds take 1.5 hours (with nappy changes) which impacts on the morning if I am trying to do everything else. Rock and a hard place.

Blondeshavemorefun - we will have some salary left over when I am working but not much. I could try to put off work, though I am a newly qualified solicitor so taking more time out at this stage might well mean I struggle to find a new job when I try to go back into it. Plus if I leave this one, I'll also have to give back my mat leave pay.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 21/10/2015 16:25

bathing, either do singularly if you dont feel confident and leave other wrapped in towel on floor in bathroom and swap over

or as prem so assume quite small and as you said not sitting - use the yellow sponges baths and lay them flat down on the sponge and pour water over them

Artandco · 21/10/2015 16:11

Sorry, I'm not saying do it all alone, but trying to show how some things could be done alone. If you can really only afford someone say 6 hrs a day rather than 10/12, it's a better use of nanny if they spend that time actually taking children out/ entertaining so you have a few hours free rather than that time feeding breakfast.

Have you got bath seats? You can fit three in the bath. The need to be able to semi sit and support own head etc first but not strongly guarantee sit alone as the seats support them up. You would need to watch them obviously but it would make you mainly hands free.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/10/2015 16:09

crossed posts, art gave good advice

can you contact a college to see if any childcare students can help for free, be amazing exp for them and a ref at the end of it

contact tambra/sure start and HV and ask again of anyone about to help

i dont think an ap is right for your family, they dont usually have care of babies tho obv you will be around

unless you look for a mh/ live in who wants to get into childcare, tho risk that they move on after a year for more money

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/10/2015 15:59

as others have said the very low wage, esp as you NEED an experienced nanny will put nannies off

yes you need to be able to afford the nanny but honestly a decent experienced nanny of twins/triplets will not work for 8gross, and someone who is newly qual just wont be able to cope blondes may not cope with 3 under 4 including triplets and ive been a sole charge nanny with lots of twins exp for almost 25yrs Wink

personal Q but once you have paid the nanny will yo have much salary left over?

can you put off going back to work till they are a bit older

split shifts are hard to do as not usually possible to find another job in the hours between so working for less money a day

well done on ebf all 3, thats impressive !!!

Original poster
BashfulBunny · 21/10/2015 15:52

Artandco, I will die if I try to do this on my own for another 4 months. I been getting less than 5 hours broken sleep each night for the last 6 months and don't get a rest in the day because the girls don't nap all at the same time (a combination of two often do, three never happens). I have no family nearby and my 3 year old will become a nightmare (understandably) if he is not given some proper attention. It is hard enough for him that the triplets have taken over and we have had to move house, change his nursery etc.

I agree that baths aren't necessary each day but we introduced it as a bedtime routine and it really helps with the triplets' sleep - which tbh is one of the most important things to me right now as I'll start to get dangerous if I get any more tired.
As they are triplets and obviously therefore preemies, they won't be sitting for quite some time yet. One might be sitting in 6 weeks or so, but the other two are still some way off. I would not be happy bathing all three together until they are very stable. Two hands is not enough to rescue three if they knocked each other over which is perfectly likely.

Please don't take this the wrong way, as all advice is much appreciated, but if I could possibly do this on my own I would already be doing so.

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Artandco · 21/10/2015 15:23

I know it must be hard in the mornings but I would def work on doing things so you can do it alone. You might not have chosen 4 children but you have them now.

Get your Dh to help as much as possible the evening before. Get him to get all babies clothes/ nappies and wipes etc and lay out on sofa before bed. Same with 3 year olds clothes.

Get all table laid for breakfast. Three high chairs set up with bibs, bowls, cutlery for everyone. Get Dh to chop some fruit and leave in fridge, boil some eggs and peel. In the morning you can just open fridge and plonk some fruit and cold boiled eggs cut on everyone's tray/ plate. Then they can start eating whilst you make something else ie toast/ porridge to go with it ( I would do toast tbh as even the babies can hold and feed themselves).

If you walk to nursery have pram set up night before, with blankets on, etc and nursery bag packed and ready to go. Then in morning just get them fed and dressed and leave. Baring in mind babies can just be nappy changed and you can change babygrow on return which saves time.

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