Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Not sure about new nanny

29 replies

Ilovecrumpets · 15/10/2015 14:46

I can't work out if I am over reacting or not.

We have a new nanny for the next 10 months to cover for our nanny's mat leave ( and I guess maybe longer if our nanny decides not to come back).

She is a friend of the existing nanny so the DC already knew her. Both DC already seem completely at home with her and settled - it has surprised me how quickly the eldest DC has settled as he has had his other nanny for 3 years. She is generally a bit reserved but very kind and patient with the DC. Excellent at all general nanny stuff and I have no worries at all that the DC aren't safe with her.

I do find her a bit bossy and judgemental but accept that this may just be me adjusting to a new nanny's ways. She is more strict with the DC, which isn't necessarily a bad thing and my eldest DC behaves particularly well for her.
Two things are bothering me a bit - the first one is probably me being silly but it feels like my eldest behaves with her as he does with his teachers at pre school - I never hear him laughing or being silly like he did with previous nanny. Everything just seems very regimented and serious.
The second concerns me more in that the nanny is leaving my youngest to cry in his cot for his afternoon nap for up to 30 minutes ( she does go in during this time). It is true that my youngest (10 months) is pretty terrible at napping and that does need to improve but I would never leave him to cry.
The nanny also wanted to drop his morning nap, which I have refused to do.

I have discussed this with the nanny but she is a sleep trainer and is adamant his naps have to be sorted to allow her to run the day and have time with the eldest DC. I do understand that and generally leave my nanny to do things how she wants. This particular issue makes me very uncomfortable though.

My problem is that I know that if I tell her not to do this she will resign - because she quite fairly feels that the parents and nanny have to be in agreement on this. In everything else she is a very good nanny and the DC are used to her. Also I did have difficulty recruiting as this was for a mat leave cover position.

I just don't know what to do. The majority of my friends and their nannies also leave their DC to cry at naps, so my DH just thinks I am being too soft.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
Ilovecrumpets · 15/10/2015 17:24

Thanks Scotinoz

Yes that is sort of my dilemma - and I can see not just how hard it is with another child but also how it means my eldest just gets left if I want her to spend time in the room with the youngest ( and eldest is only 3).

I do know cc can work - another part of the dilemma I guess is i ( somewhat nervously - didn't enjoy it but did stick at it ) tried cc at night with a sleep trainer for my DS and for some unknown reason it didn't work. Even the sleep consultant admitted defeat. The nanny does know this ( and saw it herself). As I said though I'm at a loss as to what else to try with DS for his naps so I do have sympathy for her.

What I am trying to weigh up is what is worse - more upheaval for both DC and having to get someone new when they do feel secure with this nanny or my youngest crying for 30 mins ( will double check but am sure she is going in at times intervals). Maybe I should give her another week to see if it has worked.

OP posts:
Scotinoz · 15/10/2015 16:47

I suppose it depends how you want to tackle sleeping. If she's going in and out, trying to resettle during the 30 mins of crying, then it's a valid sleep training method. She's not just 'leaving them to cry for half an hour'. If she's let the baby to cry for half an hour and left them to it, that's different.

For what it's worth, I did a bit of sleep training around 9 months. Yes, it involved some crying. Cried for a couple of mins, in to resettle, repeat etc. There could be half an hour of crying but it wasn't a baby left alone screaming. To an outsider it probably sounded like child cruelty though. It took a few days, but I had a baby who slept and at almost two they still sleep and don't appear emotionally scarred.

If you don't want to use that method though, she's got to figure out something else (which is buggery hard with a second milling around but that's tough).

Original poster
Ilovecrumpets · 15/10/2015 15:39

Thanks winter

I think you are right and I know deep down I have to raise it with her again - I guess part of the issue is he is pretty much impossible to resettle for his naps the last month or so and is waking after 30 minutes and then is tired. She will ask me what to do instead and I don't really have any answers other than try and resettle him and if it doesn't work she will have to get him up. I do appreciate my eldest DS is with her as well so she can't spend ages in the room with the youngest trying to get him to sleep. Her response last time is that he will then never learn to nap properly.

Part of the problem is that my eldest was a similarly bad sleeper and terrible at napping for a long time so sleep isn't an area I have a great deal of confidence in my abilities in!

OP posts:
WinterIsNeverReallyComing · 15/10/2015 15:08

I definitely wouldn't be allowing her to dictate when he drops his naps. Very few babies are ready to drop to one nap before 12 months, it's important for them to get a good amount of deep sleep during the day. I would also be telling her not to leave him to cry. My DS2 is 10 months and I wouldn't leave him crying to get himself to sleep! A bit of a tired whinge sometimes before he drops off maybe, but not full on crying and certainly not for 30 minutes. You are her employer and its up to you to set the ground rules. The way I see it, when you use a childminder, your child may have to fit into their routine as they have other children to care for, but if you use a nanny, the whole point is that they are supposed to work around your routines, surely? Obviously they may find things work best one way or another, but they should be accommodating your needs, as they are only looking after your child/ren.