Not sure about new nanny

The not saying goodbye seems strange to me. Transitions are so important when a child is in childcare.

The sleep training depends, for me, on what the crying is like and how long it's been going on. If it's a week or so and he's just grizzling then ok, if he's screaming until he's sick as one of mine did, and it's gone on for weeks, that is obviously not ok. Where the cut off point is between acceptable and unacceptable, I'm not sure. I think you do need a conversation. Give her the chance to explain why she "needs" to do this. If she can't convince you, she shouldn't be doing it to your son.

At our nursery, our children did gradually get moved to a long nap after lunch. But AFAIK it was done at their pace. They slept in a room with lots of other babies, so it must have been done without anyone being left to cry, or they'd have woken the rest. Still, I suppose it's easier at nursery because there are other staff around to look after the older ones while the babies are getting off to sleep.

Gosh, I really wouldn't pay her extra notice to soften the blow. She has repeatedly refused to follow your instructions about how to best care for your children

Completely bizarre to wake baby up when he is happily napping in the morning, then leave him to cry when she thinks he has woken up too early in the afternoon.

She is supposed to be fitting in with your family, not your children having to adapt to fit in with her!

What disturbs me is that childhood is about laughing and playing. So a nanny on a Mrs. Rottenmeier attitude wouldn't work for me. Kids have already to be serious and quiet at school. I am happy to let them be silly and funny at home.
Every child is unique so why should sleep habits be "one size fits all".
And not saying goodbye to the children? This is odd! Is there any bonding? I mean, what about the cuddles (who can resist cuddling a crying baby!) , tickles... She looks very distant to me. She is not managing and ruling an office, and organizing staff schedules, but children which have also emotional needs and she seems to complete ignore these.

This would be a deal breaker for me. It's not about what she prefers. You're the parent so you get to make the rules. Trust your instincts.

There is NO WAY I would allow my nanny to leave my children to cry. It is not sometjing I beleive in and I would let a nanny go over this. Your poor baby is probably missing you and is then subjected to some ridiculous sleep training.
My second dd just sleeps in the buggy when nanny is out and about with the eldest. No formality... No "sorting out" of naps. Just a baby who falls asleep as and when.
I think you need to have a word or find another nanny. I think she sounds like she thinks she knows best regrading YOUR children. You are their mother and how you raise them is your choice x

My old nanny sleep trained my PFB along with another PFB as part of a nanny share. How she did it simultaneously I have no idea, I take my hat off to her.

To be honest I'd leave her to it with the sleep training provided that you are comfortable she is not leaving your youngest to scream his heart out. In a few months he'll be toddling around and most of the baby groups are all mid morning.

Both of mine had short 30-45 mins naps at that age and then a good solid 2 hour at lunchtime. Nanny was very pro Gina Ford. I can't say I was that keen to start with but both of my kids thrived on it and became very good sleepers overnight. Previously crap.

I'd be more worried about her general attitude and lack of "fun" but most people are less reserved when there isn't another adult around to laugh at them. Silly dancing and singing and that sort of thing.

Sit her down and have a chat - say that she doesn't look v happy and ask her if she is enjoying the job? She might be feeling second guessed by you all the time, just be exhausted by the end of the day, she might have personal stuff going on and be dreading going home/to the gym, she might just have that sort of face. Or she might be having real second thoughts in which case you'll need to agree a reasonable notice period.

I can see why she prefers a shorter a.m nap and a longer p.m nap as theres more baby activities on in the mornings so to make the most of them its better if the baby is awake in time and plus the longer pm nap means they can keep going to bedtime without being grumpy/needing early bedtime. But it sounds like your little one isnt getting grumpy and you're happy with routine how it it. Tbh if the only time she can get along nap in is in the mornings i think she needs to let him sleep. I have looked after alot of babies and the youngest to drop the morning nap was 14mths. They all had at least an hour in a.m. my current 15mth old sleeps 9-10 and then 12:45-3:15. He would sleep more but we have to go for school run. But he is on the high end for sleep(he is picky with food though!) I would decide how important the sleep is and then sit and chat to her. How did your old nanny manage the sleeping?

So the baby's not even grumpy!

Not saying goodbye to DC is rude. My former CM would be shocked!

I don't think it is likely to work out. Trust your instincts. Better to cut your losses IMO. or at the very least I would tell her firmly no more waking baby from naps (unless they've been longer than X length of time, determined by you), and no controlled crying experiments whatsoever.

Unless there's a swift improvement I would begin looking for alternative childcare.

The cc would be a deal breaker for me. Happy for naps to get sorted but only if in a way I was comfortable with. If she is willing to walk over this point, that tells you a lot.

Are you at work whilst the nanny is there or are you home?

If home, could you manage for these few months without her and wait for your own nanny to return?

Oh I didn't realise she was waking him early from his first nap. I wouldn't be happy with my child being woken before he is ready in an attempt to make him sleep longer later on.
Why can't she fit in with his previous routine, which I assume was working for you and previous child minder?

The CC would be a deal breaker for me, as would her trying to dictate nap times. It's not her job to sleep train or impose her preferred routine but care for your DC in ways you're happy with. That should be a benefit of paying a premium for a nanny over nursery or a CM. The nap times you've outlined that you generally do seem fine.

She does not "need time" with your older DC, who is old enough to amuse himself for short periods and will be used to fitting in with his siblings at times. Sounds like she finds caring for tired babies hard, but this is part of her job.

Also don't be down on yourself because your DC aren't model sleepers: my eldest was a nightmare, younger one much better, they are different and it's not down to what we did or didn't do.

My CM and I had a few disagreements on sleep things but always resolved them amicably and both compromised. If you think this person will resign so be it: I wouldn't want to employ someone so inflexible.

Kids like familiarity and security, usually above all else, and which often comes from clear boundaries. For your pre-schooler, it will also give him valuable tools for real school. Plus, it means you can be fun mummy! And not have that awful thing that I used to do as a kid, which was to want the nanny more than my mum (single parent, no faintly or financial support, stressed and tired). You can be silly and jokey with the kids and build dens from sheets and make a mess with glitter etc.

The sleep stuff - it isn't going to harm your dc at all. It may benefit him. If he is too tired/whingey, the nanny can deal with the consequences and learn the hard way!

If waking after 30 mins have you tried the technique of a gentle judge just before they wake up to get them to settle into another sleep cycle before they wake fully? Worked well for us. Also you need to tell the nanny your boundaries!

Crumpets I wouldn't be happy with that at all. CC is a valid tool but if you have chosen not to use it with your child, then your employee should honour that. You have employed her as a nanny, not a sleep trainer.

Time for a routine change perhaps.

When in the day is your nanny with youngest DS on his own? You mention pre-school, so is your eldest still attending that? Could that time be a useful time for youngest DS to have a long sleep?

It may sound strange to sleep longer in the morning but some children need that and will go for longer in the afternoon. Your nanny and you need to find the natural sleep pattern of your DS. If she is a sleep trainer then she should be willing to adapt the current routine given that it does not appear to be working.

Everyone has their own style and currently her Sargent Major style is working with your eldest. She may be starting as she means to go on, making sure he knows that she is not a push over. Once settled in more - how long has she been with you? - she may become more relaxed.

I would suck up the sleep training for a while. My cm wanted dd to drop to one nap at about 11 months. She did at 12-13 months which was even then too early, but dd would have two with us and one with the cm so you might still be able to do two at the weekend to compensate.

I wouldn't be happy with cc tbh but that's personal choice. From your post cc isn't something you want to do though so if you aren't comfortable I would raise it with the nanny again. Could changing his nap to a bit later in the day mean that he naps for longer?

I think you shouldn't worry about this too much. It would be very unsettling for the children to have a new carer. The nap thing - I do agree that the whole day will go better if he has a nap and so would probably support her in sleep training him. I couldn't do it with my own baby but then we had no routine and he was tired and cranky sometimes. It was my own child so I could fit my day around it. She is working and presumably has to get certain jobs done and provide a range of activities, meals etc. I dare say you wouldn't be impressed if she told you the baby was tired and miserable so they watched a dvd and had beans on toast for dinner again. It also doesn't matter if she's strict as long as she's fair and kind and as the children like her so much I expect she is. Your 3 year old would tell you if she was horrible I'm sure.

Ahh sorry I missed the bit where you said she goes in. Hmm. If it's more like cc then I wouldn't mind if she gave it a try, but I think cc usually works (or not) within a few days, so if she's doing it for days on end with no positive results then you need to rethink. I did cc with DS1 and it took 3 nights and he then slept through, BUT he already knew how to settle himself to sleep.