Advice needed

A live-in nanny definitely sounds like a good solution for you. I have friends who have a live-in nanny for their 2 children and they live in a standard 3-bed. As nuffsaid says, they gave her the biggest bedroom - still not that big or ensuite though. They work very long hours in the city as you do, and it works really well for them. It does cost most of my friends salary, but it means they are both able to progress their careers, which they feel is the right thing for their family long term.

Something else worth pointing out is that you could choose a nanny who speaks your family language. Of course, it will reduce your pool of candidates, but it can be done.

You certainly don't need a 'nursery wing' for a live-in nanny.

As with all jobs the best offers will attract the best candidates, so in theory yes you can 'put the nanny in the box room', but in practise you may find that it's not a majorly appealing job if you approach it with that attitude.

It's about the overall package. So some nannies may have a small box room, but then they may also have their own bathroom or use of a second sitting room in the evening (often a room that is used as a playroom in the daytime and then for the nanny in the evening). In some jobs the nanny may have the box room, but the family are away every weekend and so the nanny has the whole house on weekends and is just in the box room of a weekday evenings. Sometimes the nanny may have the box room, but the house/flat is in very central London so worth the compromise for location. Maybe the nanny has a box room, but is also given a higher wage or gym membership and a travel card or use of the family's second home.

I've worked as a live-in nanny and had all sorts of different set-ups. I had one job where I had two small rooms either ends of the corridor. So one was a small bedroom (bed, bedside table, wardrobe) and the other was a small sitting room (small sofa, tv, bookshelf). That worked quite well. I also had a cupboard in their kitchen, a couple of hooks on the coat rack, shelves in the bathroom etc. so I wasn't keeping everything in 'my' rooms.

IME people who have live-in nannies in a standard 3-bed try and give the nanny one of the bigger rooms, particularly where they have an attic room so that the nanny can have their own floor. It sometimes means squashing the children in a bit more than you would ideally, but when you're saving thousands on childcare it's worth putting them in a bunkbed for a few years!

I'd always thought of live in nannies as being for people who live in houses with a nursery wing. Can you put the nanny in the box room in a standard 3 bed?

NannyJob - Live-In Surrey - this search will show the current job listings in Surrey for Live-In jobs. There will be a big range in salaries as some parents are able to offer a lot and will expect long working hours, whilst others can not offer as much.

There is one near me paying £600-£1000 net per week. Though there is one in Guildford offer £250 net per week. It really varies quite a bit.

A live-in nanny may be on £300-£350 Net per week. It really depends on how much you offer - you advertise and see what you get.

£300 net per week... if the person's only income, then you can expect the cost to be:
£354 gross per week
So yearly: £18,408 gross + Employers NI: £1420.85 + Payroll Admin, £200
No pension (assuming this is the first time you are employing someone, as that won't start until 2017).

(Payroll calculations from ListenToTaxman.com)
So before food, accommodation, activities and outings costs
£20,028.85

For activities/outings cost, budget for £2.50 per child, per day, so with 2 children, 4 days a week, call it £20. Costs will vary over time but it is reasonable to expect a nanny to work within a set budget. Some things are low cost like a toddler group, others high cost such as indoor play/swimming, trip to the castle.

Yearly Pension Contributions (2017 onwards)
When pension starts, if your start date is before Oct 2017 then Year 1 will be 1% (so 1% of £18,408 = £184.08), Year 2 will be 2% and Year 3 onwards will be 3%.
If your start date is 1 Oct 2017 to 30 Sept 2018 then Year 1 will be 2% (so 2% of £18,408 = £368.16), Year 2 onwards will be 3%.
If your start date is 1 Oct 2018 or later then Employer contribution will be 3% (3% of £18,408 = £552.24).

Over the years though the Gross salary will change but this should give you an idea of the sort of cost involved for providing an employee pension scheme under Auto Enrolment. There is likely to be an admin charge by your payroll provider, possibly in the £50-£100 a year region. Quite a bit of paperwork is involved, you can do it yourself but I expect many parents will contract it out to their nanny payroll service. The pension itself is provided by a pension company, so probably NEST, PeoplesPension, someone like that who accepts employers with only one employee.

I'm a live in nanny and get £10 an hour but I have been a nanny for 29 years. I also only work a 4 day week. A nanny with less experience would be less expensive and if you made it a 4 day week where your mum had the baby, would be even cheaper. The nanny may even be able to cover should your mum need to take care of you grandmother or go on holiday. And vice versa with nanny time off.

Don't look at nannies who are advertising, look at parents who are advertising and what they're offering, you'll get a better idea that way. Remember you'll be the employer, so you'll advertise a job with a wage and see who applies, rather than asking people what they want (although obviously discussion and negotiation will be part of it).

Have a play around here for example, with different areas and see what type of wages are being offered. You can always give these agencies a ring and ask them what sort of wage you should be offering. They'll give you that sort of advice over the phone without needing to sign-up or anything.

If I had to generalise I'd say live-in nannies are about a third cheaper than live-out nannies, although this will depend on area/hours/qualifications etc.

A 4 day week is very popular with nannies, so that's a good thing, particularly if the day off is a Monday or a Friday so they can have a long weekend.

£10ph net is the going rate for a live out nanny, in outer London.

It will be less for a live-in nanny and it will be less if you're outside London.

You need to look at nanny agencies offering live-in positions in the area you are planning to live in to work out what is the going rate in that area.

You can do a google search for 'nanny agencies, x area', look on gumtree for ads in your area, on childcare.co.uk and on nannyjob.co.uk. See what other people are advertising and that will give you an idea.

It also obviously depends on the hours you're looking for. 60 hours a week will be much more than 30 hours a week.

It's impossible for us to advise you when we don't know the hours that you will need or where you will live!

Yes as others have said, I'd recommend a live in nanny. Your mum could be on hand when nanny is taking her annual leave or sick. Your mum could also do odd weekends for when you have date night with partner.

You mention you'd like to have 2 children? I had mine 17 months apart. A nanny would be the appropriate childcare if you had two in a couple of years as this would be too hard on your mum.

Au pairs vary greatly in age and experience, but generally they are for older children, yes. They are not paid enough to take on the responsibility of a small baby for up to 13 hours a day. They can babysit while the baby is sleeping, look after them for an hour or so (once you know them well enough to know they are competent), driving the baby to Grandma's would be fine, looking after them for a few hours while you work nearby is also ok. Definitely not for full-days, sole-charge care though.

It will also depend on your baby of course, if you get one that sleeps well and is generally a happy baby in a good routine you may be ok leaving it with someone with less experience. If you have a baby that is difficult to feed/settle then you need someone with the skills to deal with that. A constantly whinging/crying baby can be very testing, you don't want someone ill-equipped to deal with it losing their temper!

If you can afford it I would go with a nanny at least for the first two years and then switch to an au pair when your child is older.

It would depend on what you agree tbh.

If you wanted the overnights covered, then you could ask the nanny to work 6pm-9am for example. So they leave your house at 6pm, pick the baby-up and bring it home, get it ready for bed, do any night feeds/wakings and then get up in the morning and drive it back to your mums for 9am. The daytimes would then be their time off to do as they like.

If you wanted some daytimes as well then you could ask for maybe 50 hours a week and divide it up as 7am-8pm Monday and Friday and then, 7am -9am and 5pm-8pm Tues, Weds and Thurs and one overnight a week (so you get at least some sleep). Or drop the overnight and pay for 40 hours a week.

It could work with an au pair if they were just driving the baby to your mums and back and maybe spending a hour or so with baby by themselves. An au pair wouldn't really be qualified/experienced enough to spend 7am-8pm in sole charge of a baby, so it would have to be 5 days with your mother, rather than just 3. Unless you working from home, in which case an au pair could supervise the baby with you close-by.

It would depend on where you live, how qualified the nanny is and the hours you want them to work, but I don't think it would be 3k a month. That would be a very, very high wage for a live-in nanny.

Have a think about the hours you need and then look at job ads in the area you're planning to move to. That should give you an idea of going rate.

I would look into the cost and practicalities of a live-in nanny and see if that is workable. A live-in nanny is the most practical form of childcare if you need very long hours and they're the only type of childcare that will cover the night wakings if necessary.

On the days you want your baby to be with your mother the nanny could drive them in the morning and collect them in the afternoon, That way it's not too much for your mother and you get to see the baby in the morning and evening.

A nanny will take your baby to activities and playdates so that they can have time with other children and babies, so you don't need to worry about nursery as well.

It will be back-up if your mother is sick or your grandmother suddenly needs more care etc. Or your mother wants to go on holiday/have a day off.

If your mum could come and stay in your house for the three days, so that you could see your baby after work and be responsible for him/her at night, that would be an ideal solution. Would she be happy doing that?

Definitely don't let this put you off having children, though - you'll find a way through!

Could you transfer your skills and experience to a job that could be done outside London? The rest of the country can be really quite civilised and you can get a decent family home for less than £250,000 in many cities. Keep your mind open to the other possibilities - being away from your baby 12 hours a day even 4 days a week will be very tough.

If your husband doesn't work such long hours could he do the drop offs and pick ups? Could he apply for flexible working?