Son started with a childminder today-he was very, very naughty

Gudrun you just expect bad behaviour to pass magically as a child gets older?

When I say discipline I mean removing him from situation til he's calm, natural consequences etc. (and the occasional shout if I'm honest )

Don't panic just yet, check how long is settling in in your contract? And how long is notice period after that time?
Then you need to work with your childminder to help your son settle and learn the rules and expected behaviour of the setting.
Tell her what works for you, and what you're happy for her to try,
Bolting is a danger, especially as she will have other dcs with her and unable to chaise.
Pre warning of a bolter is useful, and is a drop and refuse to move-er, but she knows this now, and knows you are happy for her to use reins.

Having to tell a child off for unwanted behaviour (hitting a rabbit hutch, running off dangerous and messing with blind again can be dangerous isn't a deal breaker.
If it continues despite things being put into place by the cm to prevent it, distract from it, and teach boundaries, then it may become a deal breaker.

I don't discipline mine, well, damage limitation of course but nothing psychological iyswim. Or physical. There's no need to, it passes, they become more human.

Sympathies op. For the record his behaviour sounds a lot like my ds's who is 3. Not excusing it and I do discipline him but it's an constant battle.

and my 2yo bolts at any opportunity, and may behave sweetly at Grandma's but then he will get cross when he's back home with me. He does not understand. He knows I'll be back, but not why I have to go or why he feels sad when I have gone.

It's not a tragedy but it does need to be handled with a bit of tact towards the child, not an accusation of 'naughtiness' as though he were secretly plotting. The time from brain to action is a split second in a toddler. It isn't consciously bad behaviour.

Who are all these 2yo children you have who can be rationalised with/say whether their day went well/control their behaviour after being spoken to?

None of mine are or were that rational or self controlled. They are all lovely - no behaviour problems at school or with others - but as toddlers they have zero control over how they behave. They really don't.

She won't give notice, please try not to worry about that. It's your anxiety about the job/past six months that's making you worry about that. It would not be a reasonable reaction to give notice to you.

Ok, so, going forward- could you text her to say you'll drop him off with reins and that you've spoke to him about the blinds and hutch? It will all be fine. Did he say he had a nice day?

How can the childminder have sympathy for a situation she knows nothing about? How do you know she was negative and unsympathetic? You can deal with a child's behaviour sternly and still be positive overall. Should she have just allowed him to snatch off other children? To frighten a pet? To run down the road unsupervised? All of these behaviours needed dealing with and getting down to a child's level and telling them sternly 'no, we don't snatch/we don't run off/we don't bang on the hutch' does not make her an unsympathetic harridan.

And actually all this whipping the already upset OP into a frenzy about how awful the childminder must be isn't actually helping. It's far too early days to be making that judgement and it's unfair to panic the OP into thinking she should be finding a new childminder!!

I'm sure he will settle down if given the chance, you've had a tough few months by the sound of it Just a couple of ideas that might help. when other children are in our house I tend to say 'we don't do that in this house' wrt the jumping on furniture thing as it does vary and I understand that, but I don't like it on my furniture and it makes things clear kindly without making a fuss or implying that their own house rules are 'wrong'. Maybe you could suggest a similar phrase to your CM?
Also having had a child who is a 'Bolter' definitely suggest reins or a backpack with harness and 'lead' for the school run. However many times I told him my youngest would get distracted and run off otherwise. Just enthusiastic rather than naughty! In fact i had to keep the reigns in my bag as a threat until he was nearly six, just as a reminder to be pulled out if he did start running. Never had to actually use them after he started school though, ( I think the thought of the embarrassment did the trick). Hope it all works out for you.

Some posters are being very harsh on the little boy. He's 3!
Yes it sounds like he played up a bit but nothing major op, I disagree with people who are clutching pearls at it, come on- and please don't worry too much. Just agree a few strategies with the cm, eg the reins.

But I do think you need to stop thinking of his behaviour as naughty. It's just acting out. Looking at my tiny boy I know he would not behave badly if he knew what it meant, they don't get it at this age, they simply follow their own feelings and if they are confused or upset that will come out in odd ways. Not for ever. Patience is everything IMO.

He's too young for discipline as such. He needs stability in spades, if she can be part of that, so much the better. If she can't then ditch her or let her go and find someone who understands.

So his parents have recently separated and he's started a new childminder? I'd say those are significant life changes, the CM should have had more sympathy and not have been so negative.

And some children laugh when they are told off, it's usually because of embarrassment. She should know this.

Sorry, Long. I have little experience of childminders, so shouldn't have said that - I just imagined that they might not be able to afford him enough attention to sort out his issues, which hopefully are temporary.

OP - you have not failed, it is as I said an impossible situation and by doing what you have done already, which I don't imagine was easy, and do imagine was necessary - you have put his and your other DC's needs firmly at the front of your decisions and that makes you a super parent IMO.

I'm so sorry you are all going through this. I hope he settles. Did she seem to like him?

Honestly MyGast, I would be very surprised if a childminder gave notice off the back of one bad session. Here's hoping he has a better day tomorrow

And needaninsight - that's stupidly harsh. He doesn't sound like any of those things. He sounds like a little boy who's been through a lot, like his mum.

No, you haven't failed. You've successfully got through a very tough time and huge congratulations on securing a job in a very difficult employment climate.

Agree with Long. Give the childminder some background so she has more insight into his behaviour. I agree what has been described is not normal, and I'd go further it's not acceptable. I think you have to work with her on setting boundaries and stringently reinforce that at home. No is no.

It's not about patience. A CM makes a living from looking after other people's children. If one of the children endanger this by being disruptive then they can withdraw the place. It's only been one day - hopefully he'll settle and she'll be a positive and supportive influence.

Good luck in the new job.

He sounds like he has no idea about boundaries and no respect for himself or others.

I would be welcoming help from the CM to sort out his behaviour if it were me.

Good luck.

You sound so anxious Gast :( was the childminder giving you the impression she was going to end the contract?

Ah, don't feel that! You have had a bloody awful time and your son is coping with change...it is HARD. Please don't feel you have failed. It is no surprise he played up today. Does the cm know about your circumstances?

Oh Gudrun, please don't judge an entire profession based on a couple of posts on here: 'Not a lot of CMs have time or patience' - Yes they do! I have dealt with some very tricky three year olds in my time with a lot of patience and understanding. And the same is true of all the local childminders I know.

OP, please talk to your childminder about what your little boy has been going through. If she understands where the behaviour is coming from she will be better placed to tackle it. She will also be more likely to give him time to settle and feel secure. I certainly wouldn't be giving notice so early on unless the PARENT was also being difficult. If you're being open with her and willing to work with her to help him settle then I'm sure she won't do anything drastic. Tell her some of the strategies you use that work. Talk to him before he goes next about not snatching/jumping on furniture etc.

and yes it totally excuses his behaviour.

Trouble is not a lot of CMs have time or patience to deal with a child who is a bit, well, traumatised already.

I can see both sides

so sorry you have been through all this, do you have to go to work now or do you have any leeway?

Impossible situation. All sympathy to you and your little boy though who will be struggling with everything changing recently.

Sounds like he had no idea what was going on. My 2.7yo doesnlt get it when I leave him with his granny, let alone someone he's never met - how can anyone expect him to behave, he is confused.

Sorry OP
I understand you need to do this, but please try and find a CM who understands children better. Of course he acted like this.