Son started with a childminder today-he was very, very naughty

That sounds positive OP! Hope it all works out

I would hope a two year old was wilful, tbh. He's bloody two.
Obviously they have to be safe Nd be in control, but labelling the behaviour as naughty or wilful seems like projecting ideas that aren't there onto it.

i'd rather the cm told me what he did than say everything was fine if it wasn't . Honesty is key and kindness. Safer for all if he is accepting that the cm is in charge . Best wishes op as you continue your journey into a new life. Hopefully your cm will be a good support for your s and you.

Phew! Bet you feel better now. Glad it was OK...

I'm a nanny and I think I would do the same as your childminder but with good reason ( and hopefully more tactful!)
It's mainly because I wouldn't want you to get home then have to hear all about how mean I was and how all I did all day was tell off your DC (which I think would then lead to similar stress of 'what have I put my DC through all day'). To me that doesn't sound like a nightmare settling-in day just one with a 3 year old getting used to a new place, new people and new rules.

Ask to have a chat with her. Be honest with her and ask for her to be honest with you

Tell her that you know he can be difficult but that you want to work with her to get the best outcomes

as a mum of two and a trainee childminder i would say she needs to be more understanding! I am still in full time work(not childminding) and have a minder for my 1 year old - i would want to know if there were issues but i know she would be understanding especially considering the first day and other issues going on! I think if you feel uncomfortable have a scout about for someone else but if not then discuss with her some options - explain he hasn't come into contact with some of these things so he is testing them. Sounds like he has reverted a bit if he is bolting for her (possibly use reigns for his safety)
Realistically she should be being open and honest with you but also helping provide solutions and being understanding!
I know what its like to feel like a failure recently i have been felling it alot returning to work, but you have a health child that you are doing your best for in no way is that Failing! Chin Up Hun - Hugs!x

In the short term, it is absolutely essential for him to wear reins on the school run due to the danger.

If she doesn't want to mind him then could he go back to nursery? Sometimes nurseries are more equipped to deal with a bigger range of children/behaviour. At 3, it did the world of good for my ds. My dd would have been fine anywhere but nursery really helped my ds.

One you are not a failure

Two - tell cm what has been happening in your life

Three - cm won't give notice after one day

Did you have any settling in periods?

He is probably testing boundaries - quite normal - and cm will have to say no over certain issues - one being no running off and tomorrow cm will hopefully hold his hand firmly - use reins - put in
Buggy and explain why she is doing it

I would say to your CM "How can we work on these things together?" a parent wanting to work together and provide consistency will be music to her ears!

The accusations of 'nasty childminder' on this thread surely stem from the impression that she had called the OP's DS 'really really naughty'? She didn't do any such thing, just said he hadn't behaved well. OP, this is a storm in a tea cup, if you have a good feeling about this CM, explain your DS is having a tricky time then let her do her job.

It's only been 1 day. As a childminder I would be monitoring how his behaviour pans out over the next week or so and would be keeping you informed at the end of the day of any particular positive or negative events.
If you give the childminder a little bit more time she may well work with you regarding setting up some approaches that you can both support each other on ie. reward charts, warnings and thinking time, distraction. Whatever seems like it would work for you and your son.
Most of what you have listed I would regard as unwelcome behaviour but behaviour that may well be improved by your son learning what boundaries apply ie climbing on furniture, banging on the hutch.
The bolting would have a zero tolerance from me. He would be on reins and holding my hand until he proved I could trust him to walk safely.
I would also not be happy with the laughing when being told off. It could be just because it is so new to him.

Gudrun a cm (and indeed any childcare provide following the EYFS) is not allowed to even threaten corporal punishment, this includes humiliating a child.

Disciple doesn't mean punishment. physical or otherwise it means setting clear appropriate boundaries, and working on maintaining those boundaries. You can do that without any form of punishment involved.

Don't worry. Your CM has been completely honest with you. You can be completely honest with her. Work together to help your son settle.

MyGast, take a deep breath. You have not in any way failed.
Your CM probably knows all about normal lively 3 year olds and in no way sees him as "naughty". She is just telling you on his first day what he did, and how she is helping him to perceive boundaries to behaviour in her house. Of course she will tell you everything that happened, that is her job! She will not refuse to mind him because he banged a rabbit hutch.

don't be so hard on yourself!

Yes, I feel I'm also derailing the poor OP's thread too so I'll also shut up. I just hate the standard 'leave the bastard childminder' response some of these threads get when there is little evidence to support it.

I really hope it all works out for you and your little boy OP.

I give up. Thank God none of the childminders I've met are like people on mumsnet imagine they are. And thank God all my customers have been lovely, rational people who I can discuss behavioural issues with without them threatening to remove their kids!!!

I agree that different children need differing approaches; I just don't like the idea of punishment or similar iyswim. It may not even be relevant - I'm sorry for drifting the thread. I'll shut up now.

Best of luck OP (and I also agree fulsomely that he needs stability)

keep on keeping on.

So normal nearly 3 year old behaviour then? Change cm.

Well to be fair, Gudrun the childminder has neither called him naughty or disciplined him. She has 'spoken to him sternly' which could be interpreted in a number of ways.

Appreciating that a type behaviour is all very normal doesn't mean you have to ignore it. Little toddlers snatch, it's well known they don't understand about sharing. So you teach them about sharing by, you know, not letting them snatch and perhaps speaking to them about it?!

I don't think anyone needs to be apportioned blame in the scenario the OP has posted about; not the OP, not the little boy and not the childminder. The best outcome is if they all work together rather than the OP panic and move her little boy because of the feedback she's been given. The child needs stability.

gudrun just because one child learn expected behaviours from "damage control" doesn't mean they all do, some children respond well to distraction techniques, others to praise and reward, and others to being told that it isn't a good behaviour but that x, y or z, would be much better options.

and yes distraction is absolutely the key IMO

example: ds screaming and unwilling to get into car, hitting me, wriggling.

me: 'oh let's look at this little box and see what's in it'

ds immediately compliant

I wouldn't call that discipline but it works.

Oh I shout too but I shout randomly at all of them all the time so he's used to that

Yes, I do expect 'bad' behaviour (such as toddlers are often capable of) to pass as they get bigger. And it does. You gradually teach them by speaking to them, acting as well as you can yourself, giving an example - and most toddlers don't act that way by the time they are four, five, six.

It's called the terrible twos for a reason