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Original poster

AIBU

33 replies

mylittlefidget · 06/07/2015 20:25

We have had a very good nanny for the last 5 years. She travels about 10 miles to work for us for 2 days a week.
She will look after our three children (5,3, and 1) plus her slightly older kids (8 and 12) for 2 days a week over the summer. However, she likes going on "days out" with the kids to places which are 10 or 20 miles away. I really, really hate the kids going on car journeys with anybody, and in fact my husband rarely takes them out on his own in the car for this reason. We got a fairly big expenses bill from her mid june because she hadn't done the expenses for a while. I said to her at the time to please watch the mileage because this was by far the largest part of the bill. She replied that she only spent about 10 pounds a week extra. However, that's over 20 miles a week on average!. We live in a semi rural area, and within a 5 mile radius there are a couple of toddler groups, soft play, several play grounds, 2 farms (which the kids have expensive season tickets for), and a water play area.
AIBU to expect that she takes the kids to somewhere closeby?
Part of the problem may be that her social network and the toddler groups she knows are in her area ie over 10 miles away, and also that her kids may want to do something more exciting than the local stuff.
I don't really mind spending an extra 10pounds a week but I hate the kids clocking up quite so much mileage.
We'll have a chat this week but I predict she'll be quite unhappy with my suggestion to stay closeby. AIBU?
Thanks for any replies in advance :)

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0x530x610x750x630x79 · 06/07/2015 21:01

My nanny was prone to this, she would. consider a trip to the seaside (2 hours away) as a "free" trip as she had packed sarnies and hadn't paid to go in anywhere.

I found giving her a weekly entertainment budget that included travel expenses made her understand the point better.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 06/07/2015 21:00

She may well be entertaining her kids at your expense. Maybe you need to look at whats about and suggest these are the activities you wish your children to attend rather than the further away activities? You could also limit paid mileage to X. Both would put you back in charge rather than cause a row?

nannynick · 06/07/2015 20:57

As a nanny I go on trips out to places 50 miles away in school holidays. It is something that does get discussed at interview stage - I will take children out to places of interest, places useful for their school projects (such as going to see Roman mosaics) and more general places like woodland, playgrounds, historic houses.

When you hired them did you say that you do not want your children going on car journeys? If so then it is something she is aware of from the interview stage, so if it was going to be an issue she could have decided not to take the job.

YANBU to expect her to take the children to places nearby if that is what you had initially agreed. You are providing passes for some places and have other places suitable for various aged children which are not that far away.

She would not be taking her children to the toddler group but you may be right that they are still used as she knows people there. It can take a while to get used to going to other places and getting to know other people.

Would having some sort of set plan for the school holidays help, with perhaps one longer trip in the week?

HSMMaCM · 06/07/2015 20:57

Could you set her a weekly budget for mileage, so she can decide how she wants to use it?

Lucky - I know what you mean, but it's different for CMs, because we're self employed and set our own terms.

YonicScrewdriver · 06/07/2015 20:54

If she didn't claim for any miles over £5 per week or whatever, would you then be ok?

Ie is it more the cost or the distance?

Original poster
mylittlefidget · 06/07/2015 20:51

Thank you both for your replies. I agree that these are my anxieties completely, and we are very happy with her otherwise!!! This is exactly why I'm in two minds about this. However, it's not like they are being looked after for 5 day a week, but only for 2, and she will only look after all 3 of them for 8 days over the summer. After the big bill, I asked her to please watch the mileage and she clocked up another 60 miles in 2 weeks- and this really did annoy me.
Luckylopez, I appreciate that you want to take the kids on outings, but my point is that there is enough to do closeby, and actually this is a job and it should be about whether the kids are happy and content, and not whether you are bored or not.

OP posts:
honeyandfizz · 06/07/2015 20:38

No I don't think you are. You employ her to look after your dc for 2 days a week, you should be able to state that you don't want her to travel that far with your dc. There are plenty of local activities which will keep them occupied.

The key is that YOU employ HER.

LuckyLopez · 06/07/2015 20:34

Sorry I think you are.

I'm a childminder and very often (at least once a week) take the kids on big outings in the holidays. It keeps them (and me) entertained and I would quickly become bored doing the same things local to us. We have enough routine and sameness during term time when I held to school run timings so it's nice to spread our wings and go a bit further afield.

Why aren't you comfortable with them in the car? Even your husband limits journeys?! Sorry I think you have a big anxiety problem that needs sorting before you pass it on to your children.

I certainly wouldn't mind children whose parents won't allow them to travel very far in my car.