AIBU

For two days a week I would set a reasonable allowance and after that it's her choice. If she goes 5 miles each way each day that's 20 miles so no reason not to "save" the allowance for a single further trip.

YANBU about the cost of it all, a little odd about your children being taken on trips. I fail to see why a 5,3 and 1 yr old will get a lot out of trips up to an hour away.

apart from all this, are you actually happy with her work?

I didn't mean that in a snippy way. I meant that you seemed to have been reassured that you were well within your rights to tell her what you do and don't find acceptable. I'm not sure how you infer my "reasoning" suggests anything unfair to either of you, as I have not proposed any particular way forward.

Fwiw, I do think the fact that the rate of pay does not vary when her children are present is a red herring. You both knew (presumably) that the deal was she would have her children with her in the holidays. If the question of changing the rate to account for this wasn't raised initially, it is reasonable to assume that the rate offered/accepted took that into account and was fair for the year as a whole.

I had exactly the same thought about the annual passes-do they cover her and her children? Otherwise she may be faced with paying through the nose for day tickets. Also, toddler groups won't generally accept older children (even 5yo) so may well not be suitable in the holidays (assuming they still run, which many do not) I would happily take my children on a 30 mile round trip to see something that would make them happy, and like LuckyLopez would perhaps not agree to take on children whose parents imposed arbitrary restrictions, but then I don't charge them mileage. I certainly spend more than £10 a week (for each child) on fuel and entrance fees and don't think I'm particularly extravagant. I appreciate you are the employer (and you do seem to have already decided YANBU) but were these restrictions and conditions fully agreed when you took her on? If so, you just need to remind her what you agreed.

OP, do you pay your nanny less on days she has her kids with her?

YANBU.

Children of 5, 3 and 1 don't need expensive trips out. They can have endless fun in the local park with some bubbles, a ball, a picnic, singing, looking for creepy crawlies, playing make-believe, playing in the playground, collecting sticks/stones/pine cones, running around, playing games etc.

I do all of the above with my mindees and they love it. Sometimes they just like to lie on my rug and talk to me about anything and everything... relaxing like that is lovely for kids in the holidays.

People often say to me 'ooh, it must be so expensive to look after several kids in the holidays'. In fact, it costs peanuts. Little kids really don't need much in material terms.

As for her kids, she's lucky to be able to bring them with her, so they'll need to entertain themselves - football, tennis, reading, playing with the 5yo etc. IMHO

Thanks for the link Nick!

Nick is probably the only nanny who charges 1/3 of mileage ie 15p ish per mile

I have always had a works car in perm jobs - and use mine occasionally dos temp jobs - and then I charge 45p per mile

Good point about not having passes for her children - tho again she is lucky to be able to take her dc to work so if she needs to pay the odd entrance fee for them - then she should

You say that the children have season passes for the farm but would that cover her children as well? Could that be why they do not go there in school holidays?

You need to discuss things more with her. Perhaps she could come up with a plan of places they would consider visiting in the school holidays, then you could agree to some of those places, or not.

For term time, with a 3 and 1 year old it is certainly reasonable to limit things to the local area. I tend to stay within a half-hour drive of work as if school closes, or a child is ill at school, then they need picking up fairly quickly. One advantage of using the car rather than public transport is that you can get back a bit quicker if the need arises.

For long trips out in summer holidays, I do 1/3 mileage on my mileage claim, so it covers fuel but I cover the wear/tear depreciation elements.

If your nanny did that, would you let them go on trips to places which were further away?

Your nanny needs to accept that you are in charge. Tell her that there is a limit to how much mileage you are prepared to pay, in the same way that there is a limit to how much you will pay for activities/admission tickets.

Cross posted but £5 a day isn't bad for mileage tbh

Sits on fence and pulls splinters out of her bum

You employ her and should have a say where your children go / don't go

saying that travelling 10miles isn't far and maybe your dc are bored of going to the same parks etc

But

Your job is for 2 days. She is lucky you allow her to bring her older children and yes they are possibly bored at what is in your area

But it's her job to care for your dc - not entertain hers iyswim

Is it the mileage cost or the actual travelling

Did you discuss this at interview

I always mention I am a sociable nanny and go out to places for the dc benifit - but which I enjoy as well

I would never take a position where I wasn't allowed to drive /limited to places

Try setting a budget for it. It is your money, so you have control over what they do.

If they exceeded the budget and paid the extra cost themselves, would that be acceptable? Is it the money that is the biggest problem rather than the travel distance?

What if they used public transport, that can be reasonable cost when children are young but gets costly quickly once children become chargeable. Are there places they could get to by train/bus?

There is indeed though it is not that child friendly - changing a nappy there was a bit of a challenge (think I had to go in the Ladies as there was a changing station there). Museum Army Flying

Is there really a helicopter museum?

I do want to employ him, but suspect he is out of my price range.

Does anyone else want to go on trips with Nick even though they're grown ups?!

I think YABU because really this is only because of your anxieties about travel and no other reason. Technically as you are her employer she should do as you ask BUT I do think now that your anxieties have reach a level that restricts your husbands and children's lives to this degree you need to address it rather than have everyone work around avoiding upsetting you.

I don't want to sound harsh and uncaring because I know anxiety is crippling and not simple to control but it isn't realistic that you can prevent long journey's for your children forever.

As only 2 days a week, perfectly reasonable for you to say that they don't travel too far on those days. Maybe have one big trip in the month, if there is something your children want to go to see - such as a Castle, Coal Mine, Science Centre, whatever your 5 and 3 year old like. At those ages I tend to ask them what they want to see and then we look for somewhere suitable - such as a zoo, helicopter museum.