I am SO angry, please talk me down

Well I would be very cross too. There is absolutely no excuse re the suncream. Was she very apologetic? I would certainly be giving a verbal warning for this.

Re the TV - it's a big deal if it directly contravened your instructions BUT she may have given him attention at a different time and felt he needed down time then. If you want her to read stories at that particular time, you need to tell her.

Wiping bottom, I would ask her what her perspective is. She may have thought the dirty bottom before was an exception to the rule? You need to micro-manage, in my experience. Spell out your expectations and rules very, very carefully. Your children, your rules.

And about the bum thing, it's really quite normal for children to have streaky pants once in a while.

I think you need to settle down a bit. Honestly if you get full of rage every time a hopefully minor mistake is made you will never find a nanny to suit.

I know it's worrying and I know it's hard to keep perspective but the better way to go about it would be to discuss it and make sure it is addressed in a better way next time. Also, a nanny is not an extension of you. A nanny might use her probably quite reasonable judgement and decide that a young, fragile child might quite like a bit of relaxation time in front of the telly. If you are going to freak out every time your nanny makes a really quite innocuous judgement call, you and your children might be better off if you were there instead to do things exactly the way you want all the time.

The sun blocks upsetting but give her but it might just of been an oversight this time ie they didn't think they would be out so long, they were having so much fun etc. definitely mention it, it is important for their wellbeing.
The TV thing though I think you have to appreciate that the nanny needs a minute to unwind herself, have a cuppa and recharge for the next bought of full on kiddy care.
It's such a hard job I worked as a nanny abroad for a few years and the expectations of the parent is by far the hardest part, it is the most difficult job you can do, the pressure and responsibility to care for some else's children is crazy. A nanny will do more with that child in a morning activity wise than a parent will in the whole day. Yes I know you are paying her to but still. As a mother now I see that. If she is kind loving and fun, is that not enough.
Address the health issues and let her have a cuppa while the baby sleeps.

Oh, and how long is the nap?

The sun cream is not great, if it was just their faces maybe she thought hats would be shady enough?

The TV - you say your motivation for the 1 to 1 time was that your 4 year old was feeling fragile. She may have judged that a nice thing to do together was watch TV, or that she offered a few things and that was his preference, or he seemed tired and so that was the best thing for his welfare.

If you are against TV altogether then you probably need to say so.

Does she have another time to sit down other than the nap?

I don't think most staff looking after 4 year olds would check their bottoms unless specifically asked. I assume he takes himself off to the loo, she may not even have known he was pooing.

Silly question - did she know where the sun cream was kept?
With a previous family I worked for I couldn't find the sun cream anywhere. Was my first sunny day with that family and had planned a trip to the zoo. Parents in meetings and not texting back so I had to buy new stuff for the kids (which they reacted to so I got a talking to) or not go.
she then pointed out that sun cream was kept with the bleach under the kitchen sink......

Sunburn definitely warrants a word as this is not on although this once I'd assume misjudging the weather/kids skin rather than anything else; bottom wiping I wouldn't know to check unless I'd be told do give her some slack & just tell her for next time;

Perhaps she was occupied with lo when Ds was in the toilet? A reminder to check perhaps but yes he needs to become independent. How do you balance both, do you never let him watch tv.

I hate seeing burnt kids. There is no need for it !!!! I would be pissed off as well - tho saying that many times I have got in on a Monday and dc burnt over the weekend so it's not just nannies - but agree it's her job to make sure cream is applied and hat on etc

TV - how do you know it was an hour / nannies don't get a lunch hour /break so when young ones sleep many nannies take a bit of time out - so if an older one it's nice for them to have quiet time for a bit - Esp if been at nursery am

I also teach rising 4's to wipe their own bum ready for sept school

Maybe the nanny thought your eldest could do it - so never checked afterwards and if you didn't mention it ...,,,,,,,,

So I would mention cream and that they got burnt and just say that you want them creamed every day

I would be cross about the sunburn - that's really careless. I would make a point of making sure she knows where the sun cream and hats are and specifically asking that she takes the sun cream in her day bag.

I would also be cross about the telly. I think with that one just impose a no discretion rule - he can have half an hour or a certain programme or none or whatever but tell them both together what the rule is.

The bum wiping has reminded me j must start teaching my (just) 4 year old to do this himself pre-school!

Sorry you've been upset by this - it's a rubbish feeling when someone you've entrusted with care of your children doesn't do a great job, but give her some slack - chances are it will all go better from now on.

I would be very unimpressed. DD is 5.5 and in her 3rd term of school and needs help wiping - she never poos at school so not an issue there. And she has never got sunburnt, it doesn't take much at all to ensure that doesn't happen. And a specific instruction was ignored.

Don't really know what to suggest, just saying that I don't think YABU in being annoyed by all this.

She may have assumed that you had already applied sun cream to them? I used to always my kids in the once a day stuff before taking them to nursery/ school. I would expect a 4 year old to be able to wipe his bottom as well unless you said otherwise. My children attended a private nursery school and in the 3 plus room they were expected to use the toilet themselves.

If I wee you, I would put sunscreen on first thing and then show the nanny and ask her to reapply it at midday.

I think you should be a bit cautious. My nanny (who is wonderful) accidentally let my children get a little sunburned once. I spoke to her and it has never happened again. She hadnt judged weather / reapplication / hats etc well enough. TV - maybe she was putting food on? Maybe your child was insisting? At 4, I think he is old enough to either be told no TV ever during the day or some other rule, but unless you have clearly laid this out to your nanny I don't think 1 hour of TV is bad. Re toilet, at 4 your son must be starting school in 3 months. He needs to get better at wiping his bottom and quickly!! Pointing out his pants to him is a goid way of doing this - how else will he really learn??

If the nanny is working a very long day with no break, no lunch break etc then some quiet time while one is napping and the other is watching TV is a chance for her to have a sit down and a cuppa too.

Even if she turns out to be a "bad hire" you have not let your DC down! you did all the checks etc so it'd be (more) bad luck. Might the problems with your former nanny be in your mind still, putting you on edge?

Because juggling stuff is HARD innit.

Suncream thing is bad especially if you provided cream.

Dirty bum thing - have you explained that your DS still needs this help?

TV thing depends really, if he was at nursery / preschool in the morning and had just got back he might've just needed a break. Also depends on whether they watched TV at other times.

Was the suncream in date? (it has a shelf-life)
did she realise it was hot enough for sunburn? (it wasn't here)
Perhaps the 4 year old didn't want stories but wanted to watch TV?
Perhaps a reminder that the 4 year old needs watching when bum wiping?

You wouldn't expect a 4 or 5 year old to need help though, so unless the nanny has specifically been told it's not really fair to hold it against her. Most children that age can go to the toilet independently.

I'd be annoyed. They're little things that could be forgiven if being done a favour by a relative or something, but not from someone who is specifically employed to look after children.

My DS is 5 and still needs help wiping occasionally. If the op's dc needs help then nanny should do it. Basically if the nanny hasn't performed you need to talk to her asap.