I am SO angry, please talk me down

I would expect a child at reception to be able to wipe one's own bottom. Little marks are acceptable and I assume hand washing takes place. A bath or shower in the early evening will ensure the rest. The more you allow a child to do as much for themselves as possible the more independent he/she will be. Your being unreasonable.

Be more specific with her re. your remit around television. I am not big on television for little ones bit appreciate that this is a personal preference. If you need to clarify, why not record the particular programmes you don't mind him watching and then tell her ow many episodes you're happy for him to watch per week/ day, when (as a treat/ after school/ nursery, etc.).

Had you shown her where the sun cream, hats and UV suits were? I'd have thought she'd have considered that.

Does your son ask for help when going to the toilet?
Just let her know that she needs to check and look.

Any chance the suncream is out of date? Read somewhere that if is is then does the opposite thing - kinda turns like oil and fries them rather then protects .......

TV / op said he was fragile - maybe nanny read a book /did 121 - then had some TV

Bum - again if you didn't say I would Expect most 4yrs to be able to wipe - nanny shouldn't have to ask to bend over and check for skids

She sounds inattentive, careless and lazy.

How disappointing, particularly as you know it will only go downhill from here. Unless you're really in a bind I would get rid of her before the children get used to her.

I think you are right to rage.
She is an employee and should do exactly as asked.
You pay her very well, above market.
It is not ok for a nanny to put a child in front of TV for an hour if you asked her not to. There are much better ways of spending time with a child. That is why she is there.
It is not ok to leave a child to nap when you expressly asked her not to allow that.
Sunscreen is a big deal. Not to scare you, but each time we get a burn, we increase our chances of skin cancer later in life. This is a medical fact.
Absolutely not ok to have a dirty bum. That says a lot about her personal hygiene as well as her work ethic.
In short, I would advise you to have a chat, give an extended trial period and if things don't improve significantly, let her go. Your kids are very resilient and would be much better off with a person who truly cares for them and their well-being. And you will have the peace of mind as well. When I had my first child and had no idea what I was doing, I switched 3 nannies until an absolutely brilliant lady came to work for us. It has been two years, I know my kids are 100% taken care of and I do not need to worry, whether I am around the corner or in another country. That is what every parent wants. Please don't settle for mediocre.

I would be disappointed about the sun cream and bum. Think you are right to be cross. You are paying an experienced nanny to look after your children so you don't have to think about sun cream as you run put the door first thing in the morning. Hopefully it will work out but it's good to let her know that these things are not ideal early on!

My DD has been sunburned in her nanny's care before. Our nanny was mortified. Any reaction less than that and I would be quite concerned and making sure my expectations on that front were very clear.

The TV I wouldn't be that fussed about and we are fairly strict about it. By DD2's nap time, DD1 can be fairly tired but any sort of a nap would have her wide awake until 9-10pm. Some quiet time post lunch in front of the TV some days sorts her out. Presumably your nanny had chores to be getting on with too?

Skid marks - I would mention it in passing that he doesn't have a handle on it fully.

They sound like teething problems to me, just chat & sort them out.
Impressed by someone whose pale 4yo has never had slightest burn. I had heaps of burns by the time I was 6.

I do find the ridiculous levels of angst over perfectly normal everyday things quite hilarious.

Many people have grown up watching a lot of telly and the vast majority of people turn out just fine.

I would be disappointed about the sun cream and bum. Think you are right to be cross. You are paying an experienced nanny to look after your children so you don't have to think about sun cream as you run put the door first thing in the morning. Hopefully it will work out but it's good to let her know that these things are not ideal early on!

Caroline - my children watch no tv at home. But in their top rated school they watch TV at some point every day!

We're the children still visibly burnt the next day?

May seem an odd question, BUT, I took my charges to the beach for the day. Used factor 50 for extra protection as was very sunny and warm. One child was fine, the other was scarlet red by the end of the trip. I freaked out (I am a very responsible nanny and was horrified). The following day he was absolutely fine, not a single mark. We (myself AND his parents) came to the conclusion it was a reaction to the high factor cream I had used. I've been with them for years so thankfully they didn't jump to conclusions that I had in any way neglected their children.

Very easy to blame. On the other hand, if she did neglect to put the cream, then yes you need to say.

Please link Caroline. I find that contention really strange tbh. The vast majority of adults watched TV as children. My dcs learn loads from the TV (and the internet). TV to the exclusion of all else perhaps, but no TV ?

This is what you do
Op- "Can you please make sure the children have some suncream on. They were a little red yesterday. Its in the kitchen. Ds hasn't quite got the hang of wiping his bottom. Can you please make sure he does it properly. Have a great day. You are settling in really well. The kids seem to love you. Bye, PFF to work now. Oh and can you please make sure that Ds gets some quality play time. I'm not really happy with him watching so much TV. Bye"

The sunburn is the big issue here and I would be saying straight out that that should never happen again, and you expect her to put suncream on regularly every summer day they go out.
The other stuff I would let go. When does the nanny get her break? It's hard giving either one to one time when you've got two, as you know, and on some days it just doesn't work out. The wiping I would mention to her as something she needs to ask him about when he returns from the loo and send him back in if needed.

I don't think these things are insurmountable. Be very clear about your expectations but also prepared to give a little yourself.

If I were a nanny I would consider a job where TV was forbidden as materially different to one where it was not, similar to considering a job with a lunch break or not as dissimilar.

Be interesting if the OP said to the nanny no TV - if she did then that's different

As I said I don't have the TV on much - always have radio - like background noise - but I can honestly say that in every job the parents let the children watch TV more then I do - buts that's their choice

And the OP has not said that she is anti TV, as you seem to be.

What do your kids do when your nanny is having a break, car0line?

Really, bondeshavemorefun. This is why I make a distinction between nannies and au pair, I do not expect the same care from both.

Using the tv to "relax/ wind down" is terrible! I can understand that you use it to have time for yourself (even if I don't agree, I've managed without it for years), but there are so many other things kids can do to relax!

If children don't watch it, they don't miss it, simple. If they are poorly, I am happy to let them of course, but why would a healthy child need it?

There should be a level a trust, so I wouldn't remove the cable (like friends of mine do when the nanny is here). You should read the latest studies about the difference in development in children who watch tv, it's frightening.

Really caroline ??? Wow glad I don't work for you

I don't have the TV on much at work (far less then any of my employers have it on) but sometimes children need a little relax /wind down - as does the nanny need a bit of time out in a 11/12hr day

If an employer doesn't want their children to watch TV then they need to make it clear at the interview

I remember in a job I had with baby twins and said to the mum that one day CBeebies would be her best friend - and she said she wouldn't be putting her children in front of a TV till they were least 3 - and even then only 10/15 mins a day and certainly not every day

They are nearly two and have been watching TV for well over a year - every day / and prob an hour or two each day

Amazing how some change their mind

I would be fuming if a nanny was putting my child in front of the tv, unless he was extremely unwell/ after hospital surgery or something serious!
I might as well employ an inexperienced au-pair, then I would understand. What's next? TV at school?

Regarding the sunburn, I don't find that acceptable either. My kids never get sunburn because I am careful. I would talk to her about it. Again, there is a difference between nanny and au-pairs, or there should be!

Frankly, I would consider finding another nanny if such problems happen ever again. She hasn't been there for long, I would find it easier to present a new nanny to the children now, before they get too attached.

My children got pink cheeks this week and I burnt my chest. It was very oversatile and quite windy, it didn't realise how strong the sun was behind the clouds.

I think YANBU.
Maybe I have been really lucky with the Nannies I have employed, but if I give a specific instruction such as to spend time with my older one when the younger one is asleep than I would expect that to happen. Or atleast be told something like, I suggested x and y but child was quite tired and just wanted to snuggle and watch.
Surely after 4 weeks she should know what games your child likes to play.

With the wiping, maybe she doesn't realise and you have to tell her.

I would not be impressed with the sun burn but would not expect it to happen again.