The au pair 'employers' thread

nfm, an Au pair is usually a younger girl (although males are starting to do it too) aged 17-23 - they can be up to 30 and still get Au pair visa etc.
They are live in and come for 3-12 months to learn new language, experince life in another coutrny and help you out around the home in return.
An au pair shouldn't have sole charge of children under 2 and really shouldn't be expected to do full day childcare with any children. They work 20-25 hrs a week for about £60 plus bed and board. They will be expected to attend a language class as well.

They are best if you have children in nursery/school and what you need is someone to do the school run, light housework (ie stick a load of washing on while you are at work, take in a parcel, pick up odd bits of groceries, water plants, walk dog.) They will also do 1 or 2 evenings babysitting a week.
A good oen should be like a competant big sister/ young aunt. A bad one will be a stereotypical teenager.

A nanny can be live in or live out and they woudl usually have qualifications and childcare experience, they will take sole charge of all your children, they are employed on a professional basis whereas an au pair should be treated more like a family member.

Well we're staring our search for an Au Pair to start this autumn. I cna't believe some of the stories on here though - how on earth do you take on someone who at age 19 needs you to cook their meals for them and who can't tidy up?

I suppouse I find it hard because at 19 I had a job and a mortgage and DH was running a business whilst looking after a 14 yr old sister.

I want a young adult not another child and certianly nto a sulky teenager!

Have been lurking on this thread a couple of times now. Sorry if I'm crashing. Looking into options for care when I go back to work. What is an au pair exactly? What is the difference between an au pair and a nanny? I can't believe I don't know these things already...

Any news from Mizzan? Re the watch - is it because she does not have one? If not then give her a clock to carry around (as opposed to a watch) and say it is a requirement for whenever she has the children and stipulate what you want her to record time wise (lengh of baby naps etc) and tell her to write it down, and if she refuses tell her to find another position. It is no excuse anyway, I don't know what your house is like but there is a clock of some sort in most rooms in ours, eg video, microwave, mobile phones, computers... But more importantly, are you ok?

So know what you mean about thinking you are the only one when it is all going badly, but the consolation is when it goes well it is fantastic. Lately experience had taught me that you should go by first impressions. If you don't like the "attitude" at the beginning don't be tempted to think it will get better - my experience tells me it only gets worse - a bit like any relationship the beginning is the honeymoon! You are right about "no amount of emailing helps" as ap before current, I ended up asking her who she had got to write them for her as she just was not the same girl who had been writing!!! And don't end up thinking it is your fault, just ask them to leave and get someone else - so much easier in the long run.

Have spent the past hour reading all the messages in this thread, and want to say (belatedly) thanks for starting it off - it's SUCH a relief to know that I'm not on my own with issues such as internet usage, DH's (unreasonable?) irritation with all AP's, how difficult it can be to ask them to do stuff (honestly thought that was JUST me) etc.

Of course I've now given up on Aussie AP arriving as we haven't even discussed visas for UK let alone Austria....niave of me I guess

Personally, I'd love my APs to be showered, dressed and ready for the day before 7.30am but seeing as I'm not, I can't really expect it off them. We are dealing with teenagers here (well I am)

Oh Austria - watch out - I had an Australian in Germany who wanted to come here but, on looking into it, she'd have to go back home to get a visa to come here. I'll keep my fingers crossed for yo.

I do have a schedule although I am a very flexible person. It really does help, especially if the APs not around as my dds seem to be very apt at keeping to it (in fact do I really need an AP??). The PJs don't bother me as long as the tasks get done before I get home.

Out of interest, do you find it's best to give them a kinda written timetable to do stuff ... like downstairs by 7am, unload dishwasher, get kid's breakfasts etc etc or to be more flexible and tell them what to do on a daily basis? Also do most people mind if they help out at breakfast in their pyjamas or do most people make them get dressed first?

Well, she isn't here yet so perhaps I'm counting chickens and all that! Another Aussie was due to arrive in January but stood me up and didn't even bother to email me to let me know! Hope this one is better - currently living in Austria and have tempted her over with tales of snow and skiing. Sadly it's not snowed for days!

Hi Indiajane - congrats on getting an Australian. I was interested in a few on Aupair world and they are just so unreliable. Say they are interested and when it comes to the final offer they back down - so frustrating. So I've given up on Aussies. I'm back to square one now and still looking.

Hope not gatecrashing but I've had several aupairs - most got from aupair world and have arrived at the conclusion that it's pretty much pot luck! My last one came from Germany with great references, went to Church 3 times a week. Got sent home when I found her ("red handed")stealing stuff. Only found out later that she also had stolen my wedding ring which I hadn't worn for several months due to swollen fingers as pregnant Not given up with them though - have an Australian starting in 4 weeks but think that you can swap all the emails you want, ask all the questions etc but at the end of the day it's pretty much down to luck

Hi artist. I'm so glad to hear that you have a new ap who is a success! God what a difference it makes doesn't it? and such a relief too. Our ap is still just fab. She's been with us for 4 weeks now and I pretty much can't fault her and even better, she's getting me organised too!! A feat which my poor long-suffering dh thought he'd never see and the lack of which was seriously driving a big wedge between us. She gets on fantastically with my dd and ds. When I have to go out I can do so without any worries. In fact I think she's better at entertaining my dd than I am, particularly with painting and glitter and glue which I loathe. I am going on a first aid course on Friday morning and am leaving them both with her for the first time and just know that they will be absolutely fine, I never once left them with the last one on her own, always sent them all down to my mother because I just didn't feel comfortable about it. I don't think I have had to tell her something twice and she just gets on and uses her initiative. We will be very sad to see her go at the beginning of April. I have got another ap coming when she goes (I told you she's helping me get organised ...!) who's also from AP World and is from New Zealand and sounds lovely. She's full of ideas about what she wants to do here so it sounds like she'll be busy at weekends which i love, means we have the house and children to ourselves. Regarding car insurance boo, we have bought a banger for our aps and insure it 3rd party fire and theft as it works out cheaper for us to do it that way. I asked around locally and it seems that's what most people do round here. I don't want them driving the dc anyway and the car is for the ap to get to school and go out in the evenings and weekends. They pay for petrol. Mizzan, I'm sorry to hear about your redundnacy, hope that's not bad bad news for you and also how irritating about your ap, just when you hope it'll get better with a new one.

i have had some lovely au pairs,several who still visit and who we still visit,but have had my fair share of fruit loops! but really think of all your friends,then imagine living with any of them, even your mates can have habits that drive you crazy.Its a leap of faith having an au pair and involves give and take on both sides,some of them just take more than they give

I'm sorry to hear you new Mizzan.
But please tell me that you were joking that she wouldn't wear a watch ?
Pretty please ?

I appreciate that "interesting" behaviour by APs gets posted more, but in a couple of years we were thinking of going that way. Is it really that scary ?

hi artist - glad it's working out well for you. our new one is ok, not great. she's a lot nicer than the old one so the atmosphere around the house is better, for sure - a big plus. But quite moody (already having boy problems, and PMS, which was definitely never an issue for us with others!), and not particularly competent - have been through morning routine with her numerous times over past 3 weeks and she still hasn't managed to remember that the baby needs a bib, that the dishwasher actually needs to be unloaded first thing etc. Also my 5 year old is being very stroppy with her and she seems quite unable to cope, which is unfortunate, though I can relate I must admit! Baby likes her well enough.

She seems very exhausted all the time though - tends to nap in the afternoons rather than going out, and arrives downstairs at 5:45 PM looking dazed and expecting dinner. She seems so tired that I haven't dared ask her to babysit. My husband's very ill and pretty much confined to bed for the moment, so that's making things a little weird as well. Also she refuses to wear a watch, which ends up meaning we get no info on things like how long baby napped for, and I suspect there's no way she'd ever get herself together enough in the morning to actually feed my older son breakfast and get him to school on the bus on time.

this may all become academic for us, though, as I've just been made redundant.

Hi cloudberry and mizzen ? How?s it going with your new AP?s? Just to let you know I have found a fab Au pair who came to us as recommendation with lots of experience and was really just by chance, as was about to give up. The children are us a lot happier and the atmosphere is great, she Spanish speaking so that?s also a great bonus for us. Because of her childcare experience we are letting her have more responsibility with the toddler an increased her hours. The settling in period is over and there are no issues!!! And I don?t have to keep prompting or reminding ect.

Here's my questions mishmash (based on Uwila's):

1. Why do you want to become an Au Pair?
2. Why do you want to come to London?
3. Do you have any friends/relatives in London or the UK?
4. If so, where do they live?
5. Have you looked after children before? If so what were their ages and were they boys or girls?
6. What was you favourite part of looking after them?
7. What aspect of children?s behaviour do you not like?
8. dd2 likes to say ?No? a lot ? how would you deal with this?
9. dd1 is very slow in everything she does ? how would you encourage her to speed up?

Oh dear hcmum - I have a few Aussies on my shortlist. Maybe I'll have to question them on their tidiness (having said that I think a typical 18 year old's room is a mess anyway - mine was )

Hey mishmash

We've had a Polish girl who was lovely and very sweet and hardowrking.
Another Polish girl who was a nightmare (only stayed 2 months before we changed her)
A fantastic South African who was 120% perfect if there is such a thing
AN Aussie who was nice but a bit of a space cadet and drove me up the wall
Another South AFrican who is also perfect

now - about to chose the next one (cursing the 1 year visa permit system!) who is Peruvian. Wasn't that I wanted a peruvian but she soundsprefect - good english, works at the moment in a kindergarten, fantastic references etc.

To be honest i would avoid ever having another australian again - i have heard from alot of people that they had similar problems to us - so laid back they are horizontal. Depends what you want, but i didn't think it was too much to expect her to tidy up after herself and keep her room tidy...it was always "no worries mate - I'll do it tomorrow". Tomorrow just never came. Lovely girl apart from that but not for me.

hecsmum

bump

Hope I am not gate crashing here - hadn't spotted this thread before I started the one on AuPair World.

Our au-pair will finish with us sometime in August so rather than leave it very late, like I did last year, I decided to start looking for a replacement now.

I used an agency for last AP but am not going that route this year. I have been on Aupair World and so many girls match what I am looking for, started adding them to My Favourites and have been contacted by a few girls and likewise I have contacted a few I liked.

I am only on the first 3 pages and there are so many who sound lovely.

Anyone have any tips or advice as to how to whittle them down. I don't want to go too, too fussy to look for a perfect match. My children are older now so my needs aren't as great as before.

UWILA - if you are reading this can you bump up your questionnaire.

Also any other seasoned AP mums - what nationalities have you found to be the best (or is there such a thing) - our current girl is German but is a bit on the serious side, though she came across as being bright and bubbly when we saw her CV and sounded so when we interviewed her too. Don't get me wrong lovely girl but hard work at times.

Any other tips would be greatly appreciated as I am not relying on an agency this year to do the work (not that they did much in the first place and are being paid for old rope!)

Loopytait - where in Surrey are you? We're in Redhill and our au pair is looking for some extra work as she only has about an hour of childcare in the morning and 1.5 hours in the evening. If the hours worked, I wouldn't mind sharing her...