The au pair 'employers' thread

SunnyJim - deinitely a no from my POV. The whole point about an AP is that she is to become part of our family and as we don't eat chips, burgers and fry ups then she wouldn't fit into our family. Plus with only 1 veg in the list - she's likely to suffer from lots of colds. And if she wants to MSN her mates, where is the interaction with our family - we MSN once a month (and that is our old APs). I fear a break down in communication could occur.

Fair point about the food - probably depends on how old your children are anyway. Ds is only 1yo and eats most his meals at nursery anyway so he never sees what the au pair eats, but with older children spending more time with the au pair, I can see that might become an issue.

I'm okay with the MSN and the wrestling, but "i like to eat things like chips, potatoes, carrots, chicken burgers, fry ups etc if that helps at all. i eat only potatoes and carrots in the veg section" wouldn't even get to the interview.

Food is my big picky topic. My children will want to eat what the nanny / au pair is eating. So, If you don't like fruit and veg you are not coming to work for me.

I'm a mean old bat. Ask Jura.

And something I really can't stand is when they talk in text speak in an e-mail. Look, if you can't type in English, then you are hardly qulified to teach my children how to read and write.

I got an email from saintsbabe@domain today and thought "no, you are weird".

Sunnyjim.

Eating habits vary amongst all adults & some AP's are from very poor countries.

MSN- What worries you re msn, it's simply talking to your friends via the pc! (I chat regularly to friends on msn, cheaper than a phone call & you can talk to 3/4 people at the same time)

WWE wrestling- Personal choice, I know a friend who enjoys it as she thinks it's hilarious! (Not something I'd watch!)

Our au pair eats cr*p in my opinion, but that's up to her. She's still very competent. WWE wrestling is a bit odd though...

Okay here's another question; would you give this person a try;

"i like to eat things like chips, potatoes, carrots, chicken burgers, fry ups etc if that helps at all. i eat only potatoes and carrots in the veg section"

" also watch a little sport mainly wwe wrestling.
"also hang out with my mates i also like going on the internet and speaking to friends on msn."

I'm bit concerned about the mention of MSN, the eating habits and (horribly snobby of me I know) but WWE wrestling?!?

Gosh, reading this thread has made me see how lucky we have been with a-ps! I think I am just not suited to having them around.

Thanks SunnyJim

Okay I like Mrsrecycle's questions so far so would anyone else like to share questions they ask?

Eleusis - yes to Thurs, ds is well now thanks and sleeping much much better, and we've hired the Yank - she has dual nationality so no problem with the visa.

Jim/Mizan - My specific questions that weed out the right ones (albeit subconsciously):

23. Describe your health in the past year.

• If I get replies that say it is good and they haven't been ill and then keep on mentioning that they've not been well in their emails then I know they're a wrong-un - in fact I've had quite a few who've done this.

20. We like our girls to eat healthily ? do you know what this means?
21. What food do you like?

• If I get replies that they like fruit/veg and mention this in Q20, then you know they are not likely to spend their time eating processed food with no nutrients, thereby getting ill. I speak from prior experience as that's all my dds used to eat when dh was a SAHD and not a single week went by when they were not ill.

10. What activities/pastimes have you done in the last month?

• This is a good one - they tend to mention their interests (eg swimming) but actually haven't done it for some years. The AP I sacked was specifically meant to take dd2 swimming but was always moaning that she had a cold/AF so never did it. If you get them to say in the last month, you'll see if they actually are fit or just would rather sit around.

Oh MizZan, re. the cough, she does sound like my sacked AP - my friend told me that she was crying at school to her because she was ill. Yet, the previous night she didn't get in til late and went straight to her room, not even mentioning that she was ill. If she had dh would've taken the day off work. She was blaming her illnes on me and telling everyone that I made her sick!

A Brazillian? How does that work? Do they qualify for a Working Holiday visa?

So, where are you moving in the states?

what questions do you ask and what information would you give on a follow up contact?

well well, I think it might be a bit too much to give her locator number! in any case she's only looking to work in our city, which is a university town (one of the two big ones...) so unless you're based here, I don't think she'd go for it! she's terrified of London.

appreciate the advice. out of interest, what are the magic questions you use to weed out the bad ones? I thought I had a good set but must admit this one has thrown me for a loop - never really occurred to me that major health problems would be an issue for a girl this age. this is our second dud in a row - last one had bad attitude and then safety/responsibility issues, so we were happy to see her go. First one we had was a dream, and stayed a whole year, but I'm starting to think she was really exceptional.

we also made a point of only talking to people already in the UK, after the last one (who I didn't meet ahead of time) turned out badly. But it doesn't seem to have worked this time. I agree, there were remarkably few candidates already here who seemed suitable, at least in our town (surprising given the huge number of foreign students around).

have just gone downstairs and given the AP money to go out and buy cough suppressant, after she returned from taking DS2 to playgroup and said "everyone was staring at me because I was coughing so hard". She's making me feel cruel for still having her work (a bit), but I need to prepare a presentation for my final interview for this job, which I REALLY need, so there's no alternative, and of course she will still be sick tomorrow, and the next day, going on experience. I've now said I'm going to take her to the doctor (again) this afternoon - maybe some antibiotics are in order. Still not sure how to proceed, have been contacted by an AP on greataupair who looks perfect - a Brazilian who is in Germany and wants to come to our town - but am terrified of getting yet another bad one.

So,MrsR, have you ssettled on a au pair yet? Whom have you hired?

How is DS, MrsR? Are you coming out to play on Thurs?

Go-on MizZan - give Eleusis her locator number and see if she applies and what reason she gives for wanting to leave! Aren't we nasty???

Hi MrsR!

Oh we think alike. I am on greatuapair at the moment.

hello eleusis!

Definitely clinging to a sinking ship. I think you've come to that conculsion as well. Don't worry about the kids adapting to changing childcare - they are remarkably robust. We had to sack an AP after 7 weeks with us and we struggled (I too started a highly pressurised full-time job just after we had sacked her) but we managed.

We've had APs since who have been excellent - ill ocassionaly but able to cope with English Courses/Exams and the 25 hours childcare (even more some weeks). If she can't cope now - with less hours, how is she likely to have more energy in the future?

Stop blaming yourself - you didn't register her as available from March on greataupair - she did it herself. Shame she's not on Aupair-world.net as I am registered as a family and I could get her to apply and see what she says .

Re: ending up with another dud - my particular questions seem to iron these out and I've never had a problem with our APs. Mind you, I have been looking for APs that were in the UK recently, as an easy way out of the constant emailing/webchats etc, but was astonished by the lack of quality/suitability. So I went back to my original recruitment process and now have another wonderful AP that, again I have never met before, who is starting in less than 3 weeks.

Mizzan, I think the fact that she is looking for another job is quite frankly a blessing in disguise. From what you describe, your relationship is going downhill. And it's better to end it and have another good au pair even if temporary than it is to put up with the struggle -- five months can be a long time.

So, confess, what is her locator number?

You've got less than 5 months to go - unless you feel that there's no way this girl can be relied upon I wouldn't want to go through the recruitment hassle.

Do you think an honest chat with her would help? Depends on what you feel about her but would you be prepared to give her a leaving bonus if she stayed until July?

In your circumstances I think I would want to try and make the current situation workable and if the problems are related to energy and enthusiasm the prospect of a bonus might cure them.

OK, ladies, help me out with your collective wisdom here. We have a Czech AP who started with us in early January. She had already APed for another family in the area for about 6 months, and came to us because she was looking, she said, to live in the centre of town rather than in a village where previous family lived. Mum of previous family, whom I knew slightly, gave her a fairly lukewarm recommendation, but I put this down to her being annoyed AP was leaving more than anything else.

So - AP is sweet, kind to kids, honest, but really lacks energy and positive attitude, and has been ill nearly the whole time she's been with us. Ongoing coughs, colds, flu, etc. As I was made redundant about 2 weeks after she joined us, this hasn't been an enormous issue, since I've been flexible about time and therefore able to cover for her as needed. We also cut down her hours from 35 (as initially agreed) to 25, since she seemed so exhausted all the time - she seemed happy about this.

She's said she wants to stay on with us and that she'll have more energy once she's done with her English course (at end of March), and I am due to start a new part-time job at that time too, so we'd agreed she would go back up to 35 hours a week then. However, she continues to be ill all the time and I'm wondering whether she will be reliable enough to count on once I am back at work. On top of this, my husband is going to be working away from May through July, and we have no relatives around, so there's no backup if she can't work.

We are then emigrating to the US at the end of July (AP does not know this yet), so ideally, I don't want to have to switch childcarers before then, since the kids will have enough change to deal with. In the meantime, though, I've just discovered that AP has posted on greataupair.com looking for a new family starting from March. I am annoyed she hasn't been truthful with us but also feeling like we may have driven her to it, since we've been increasingly unhappy with her ongoing illnesses and I'm sure she hasn't missed that fact. Just last week, though, she was asking if she could have a friend to stay from the Czech Republic while our family's away for a week over Easter...just not sure what to think here?

Long, I know, and thanks for reading. Any thoughts or advice for me? Not sure if I'm clinging to a sinking ship here - also I'm reluctant to just ditch this girl and potentially end up with another dud, at a time when I really won't be in a position to deal with the consequences (new job, DH away etc.).