The au pair 'employers' thread

I now realise just how lucky I am. I have had my lovely AP for 7 months now she has been my first AP and I choose her hideously unscientifically (she had a kind face and calm manner!!) As yet not a single day off sick, she refused my offer to stay at home to look after the boys when she had flu like symptoms, I had problems getting her to accept extra money for babysitting one weekend when I had a work do to go to (over and beyond her agreed hours) and thismorning she walked into town and came back with a large bunch of flowers for me for mothers day!!! I LOVE MY AU PAIR now all I have to do is persued her to delay returning home to complete her medical degree as I have a feeling she may not be that easy to replace!

I also use a very comprehensive timetable it also includes what things could be done if she has spare 10 mins. It usually gets AP thinking about other things and makes things flow a bit easier, in the early days.

With regards to language school I will be flexible to ensure that AP can attend two sessions a week and anything more, then langauge school fits in around our schedule. we have had an AP that went for 4 days a week and found it was a pain and was late picking up at school and not doing jobs in the morning. The same goes for second jobs must also fit in around us and not clash with babysitting and agreed flexible working pattern

Hi Cloudberry, it maybe easier for you both if you do a sort of timetable for her (and you) - for instance, she should be available 7am-9am and 3pm till 6pm. Then if she wants to sit and read her book at 1.30 for example she and you both know she can.

You can also specify exactly what you want her to do during these hours - for example, empty dishwasher, prepare breakfast and clear away after etc etc.

My last few aupairs have gone to langage college 5x a week for 3 hours each time. It was a momentus pain. New aupair is Australian so no language college but she'll probably want an extra job.

errrrr, surely, reading should be in her own time, not during the 5 hours a day she is meant to be helping you?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the balance is that she does 25 hours and a bit of babysitting every week for free board/lodging/money and the rest of the time is her own.

I'm not a cleaner either - but I have to clean my home rather than sit and read a book................

cloudberry, if your AP is sitting reading her book during her working hours then you shouldn't feel awkward about giving her a job to do.

I'm interested to know how many hours a week your aps have at language classes and when during the day they go. Ours goes 3 mornings a week which is 9 hours of classes. She goes in the morning as that's when the free language school operates. I'm also interested in what goldenoldie said about aps' expectations regarding the job due to what they're being told by agencies etc . I've looked at the job description on aupairworld and read the post here and on other threads and still don't feel 100% sure exactly what the job entails. Our current ap tells me what she hears from other aps. She has a friend who's not happy with her family for various reasons, one being that she does a lot of cleaning and has very little interaction with the children. I think/hope ours has a good balance. But I still think I'm being a bit of a pushover. I sometimes see her sitting and reading a book in the afternoons and find myself thinking "Hmm I wish I felt I had time to sit and read my book"!! But am I bein too draconian if I was to say something? There's plenty she could be doing; the house is quite dirty as the cleaning is really pretty cosmetic. But then I realise that a) she's not a cleaner and b) she's not a nanny although she's absolutely fantastic with the children. But where is the balance then?

As an au-pair veteran, had au-pairs for the last 10 years and have finally given them up - till the DTs are school age. Still in contact with three of them.

I never, ever, take girls who have not been au-pairs before/not been au-pair in the UK. Always check refs with current/last family.

Not to say that those who have not been au-pairs before/in the UK before were always a problem - we had some great ones, but it always took much, much longer to settle in and show them the ropes - not used to the basics like the transport system, the traffic, the diversity and so on.

Often compounded by the fact of no friends - till they started going out and meeting people. Also more likely not to really understand/or want to understand what the role of an au-pair is - the agencies often sell it to them as being the elder sister in the house - and they think, great! In my house my mum does everything and it will be the same as an au-pair in the UK.

Asking a list of questions is meaningless - they say what they think you want to hear, even the good ones, afterall it is a job to them and they want to do their best to get it.

The only real way to know what you are taking on is to find out what they were like as an au-pair for another family - and you need to probe carefully "she is very homely" can mean she is lonely, homesick and never goes out.

Always surprised me how few UK families rang me to check au-pairs refs............

I wouldn't continue to e-mail, call the girls & you'll get a much better feel for them...They have to answer quicker & don't have 2 hours to think up an answer!

We've had 3 previous au-pairs. The 2 from aupair world were great. The third from a personal recommendation was awful. She slept with our lodger and cried most of the time. When I speak to them on the phone I always try and see if they get on well with their family. Always ask about food..the 3rd girl didn't tell us she was a veggie..not a problem for some people but we had 6 non-veggies in our house and then we usually had to cook seperately for her.
With my cooking, the best response they can give is: "I eat everything". We had a lovely girl from Scotland who's favourite food was McDonalds. Our 13 year old son thought this was great! She knew all the menus and her dad owned a fish and chip shop! She was fighting fit as well, so I don't know if you can tell much about their health by asking about their diet?
I also always check what they like to do in their spare time, just coz we live in a quiet area.

I sometimes find that if there's too much correspondence prior to an actual conversation then I struggle to think of anything to say on the phone!

Talking to them early also helps identify, like the provision of references, who is serious about joining you and who is just hedging their bets.

I don't think I do ask a series of questions, as such. I chat away about us and then from the way they reply I get a feel for what they are like. If they answer promptly, and show they have taken in what I've said, and show an interest in ds, and if they seem to have a sense of humour, then I tend to warm to them. I ask for references and it is very telling how quickly they can organise themselves to get them to me and the quality of the references themselves. I have often got to the stage of references and then the refs were not good enough or very short of just didn't persuade me. I also spell out precisely what duties they will have to do, and that they will have to get up at 7 a.m. etc.

It saves a lot of hassle later!

would anyone else mind sharing some of the questions they ask? I'm onto the second round of emails with a few APs and I'd like to kn ow what you all ask them

My 1st and most important question is "Why do you want to come to London?" - if its because they already have friends over here its a big No from me. If its that they've been here before and fell in love with the city then I know they want to be a true AP and am interested in the cultural exchange - which is what APing is about.

I have never ever had an exprienced AP, all mine are first timers.

I also ask what they expect to do in their free time - if they say they want to do other jobs then I know they are here for the money and not for the experience. I know London is an expensive City but if they're prepared to dedicate some of their time to exploring it then I'm prepared to give them some extra money to help them achieve this (although I don't tell them this until they are with us).

I think the whole question thing is just luck - I thought I had a really good list, but it so depends on the persons ability to answer ie some are manipulative from the start and give the "right" answers (the ap before last must have got someone else to write hers as I swear it was not the girl I had been emailing that turned up) My tip would be to ask why they want to come - and what they expect it to lead to - my current ap is great but the last one was just lazy and saw it as one long paid holiday, though saying that, it was not the answer she gave me at the time....as I said, it is luck to some extent. Also never take one without a great reccommendation from thier last family if they are here already.

I've posed a couple of questions to aupairs that I have to ask when doing recruitment interviews for work - my company recruits 800 graduates a year so HR have given lots of thought to them - but I find it best to do them over the phone as they're a good way to get them talking (and you can do lots of assessments of their english/ enthusiasm etc)

1. I need someone who is able to manage their time effectively (or something similar) ... can you tell me about a project you've completed or an event that you have organised that had to be finished by a certain date?

1. What is your greatest achievement (and why?)

I also like to ask - pretending it's the children that want to know:

1. If you had a superpower what would it be? (avoid anyone who wants to be invisible as they are highly suspect in my opinion - my wedding-ring-thieving-au-pair said she'd like to be invisible and now I know why)

And I wouldn't be that worried about MSN as long as it is in her own time and not yours.

Think of it as a very cheap way for her to communicate with all her friends at the same time so she keeps up with what is going on at home - guess she can have a little moan as well

I am recruiting a new ap at the mo and have offered it to a lovely Swedish girl - I did look at things like what she ate, what her hobbies were, what interest she had in children and that she was happy to help out with homework, how sporty she was (ours are into sport big time).

I also needed someone who was able to drive not that it was absolutely necessary but it is handy.

Anyway she has come across as being everything we are looking for in an ap. Again I was one that got a lot of replies and waited till I found one that matched our family.

I actually found 3 so if this girl doesn't accept I have option 2 and 3 to go on.

Sunnyjim - don't rush!!

And this is particularly a problem for children whose mother can not spell school.

I think after shcool homework help is certainly fair game for an au pair. And if she doesn't know that "wimmin" isn't a word there's going to be a problem. I also can't stand when someone doesn't know when to say me and when to say myself.

I got 200 replies to my a-p ad and I didn't stop until I found one that sounded just right - I think if you feel uneasy about any aspect of your a-p, (for whatever reason, it's you who will be hiring her, after all) then you should wait until you find one that ticks all the boxes. There are so many a-ps around!

Mine helps ds with his English homework! Got an aussie gap year girl and she is excellent.

One AP is now responsible for dd2 (6 now was 3 when AP was with us) saying "Oh Man" all the time

I've yet to come across an Au-Pair whom I'd expect to teach my child english...written or spoken!

So in that respect I don't think it matters whether they use text speak in e-mails!