The au pair 'employers' thread

thanks indiajane. That was my thinking as well. Start now, omg, better get cracking!

I'd start looking about now, August is a good time for them to start as they have finished school by then and have had time to say goodbye. It also gives them a bit of time to settle into your routine before starting college (which will start when school does - about 6th??)

Good luck!

Loving this thread. Taking great notes for when I venture into hiring an au pair for the first time in Aug/Sept.

I have a question - if I want the au pair to start in the first week of Aug, when should I start looking (intending to advertise on AupairWorld and GreatAupair for an au pair that is already in UK)? Or is it more realistic to expect that the au pair will start in Sept (if she takes ESOL language classes, the term will start in Sept). I read about au pairs not responding to emails and so want to know what is a decent time for recruiting.

okay thanks, he's not a baby - 2 yrs old but hey I guess they can cope!

I'm not bothered about them doing housework if i'm at home , its about them understanding i'm not available for chat/lunch

Right back again now - regarding the second job, I've told my aupair that I'm happy for her to get one - and I've given her a timetable of when I need her to be available for me. The onus is on her to get a job that will fit in with those. My current aupair is Australian but has a UK father so was able to get UK passport and we don't have to worry about visas. This really helps.

In my experience, they don't expect stuff to be perfect. It's nice if they can have their own bathroom but if they can't, they can't.

Regarding the baby - it's AMAZING what these teenagers/twenty year olds can sleep through! I've had aupairs for all 3 of my babies and they have never woken up after the first week.

Hope this helps.

Hi Sunny,

I've not worked at home permanently with an aupair but I do do about one day a week and it's fine. I have a study so just go in there and the au pair just gets on with her usual stuff.

There will be visa implications if there's a second job (unless they have a UK parent and accordingly a UK passport). They will need a NI number.

Gotta go - baby crying but essentially point out to them that a big house is great... but as they are going to have to clean it... a small house is better!!

No 1. - don't know as I don't have experience, but I tend to find our au pair doesn't do anything if I am at home.

No. 2 - if they get a p/t job, I should imagine it's up to their employer to pay PAYE tax in the normal way and to check work visas, etc. I think you just need to make sure that the hours don't conflict with what you want the au pair to do.

No. 3 - our house is still having building work. We mentioned it to our au pair in advance and she is pretty laid back about it. Being open and honest, I think, is the key.

No. 4 - include a brief description of their house. Suspect they will have no expectations.

No. 5 - tell them how old ds is. If he is still a baby, I think it's reasonable to expect him to wake in the night. Our au pair sleeps through our ds' wakings, mostly.

okay I have a couple of questions here:

for those with an au pair,
has anyone been working/studying at home and had an au pair - did it work? did they understand that just because you were at home you were still working?

Au pairs getting 2nd p/t jobs - if they are from an english speaking coutnry and so don't need language classes, how does this work. Are there any tax implications for you or them, what about visa issues? and how do you negotiate the hours?

DIY, we're in the process of finishing off work on redecorating my bedroom and DS bedroom plus redoing the garden - woudl an au pair expect things to be perfect?

Au pairs from the US or australia, do they expect UK houses to be big and detached? we're in a typical english victorian terrace, a big one but you can hear the neighbours, the garden is small and overlooked and there are alot of stairs!

UK cities/countryside, if you aren't in london or lovely classic english coutnryside how do au pairs adjust their expectations of what england 'looks like'

and the biggie, DS still wakes during the night - how does an au pair cope with that? Im not expecting them to get up! but he can get VERY loud!!!

Absolutely & if you feel comfortable with it then it's not an issue.

For me my personal life is just that & I don't wish my Employers to know exactly what's going on in my sex life, too much information!

I'm not too worried about him being there with her when we're not as we trust her and have met him a few times so are happy he's a "nice young man". I guess because my parents always had an "open house" with lots of random people staying and I have always been in shared accommodation until dh and I moved in together 2.5 years ago, the idea of other people in our house doesn't really bother me too much, but I think that's a very personal thing!

I'm a 34yo live-in Nanny & wouldn't expect a BF to be able to stay over at my Employer's when they're at home even though I have fantastic Employer's!

I can have Friend's & Family to stay whenever I like but I personally would feel very uncomfortable having a BF to stay overnight as I'm sure they would.

"we would be long gone by the time he got up. "

Now that I find even scarier tbh, the idea that after DH and I have left for work there is a strange bloke in our house?

I agree with boo64, an AP you have interviewed and probably had refs and CRB for them. The BF could literally be anyone - and what do you do if they split up and then there is another one? Sorry but I'm not keen on having to explain to DS why there is a strange man in the bathroom / kitchen.

Our au pair is a bit older than most at 25 so we always accepted that she would probably be sexually active and that, given her age, it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to want to have a boyf to stay. It's more the frequency of the visits, but he has not been around so far this week, to be fair, so perhaps last week was exceptional.

We wouldn't bump into him in the morning if he did stay mid-week as he works locally to where we live and we would be long gone by the time he got up.

No it's not hard at all. I think the look of horror on my face would say it all. Having a sister or someone come to sleep on their floor is ok as long as the aupair has been here for over a year - on the grounds that "long service" deserves a bit more give and take. Even then, it's a massive favour with a strict time limit. But boyfriends?? Never!

This is really itneresting esp as DH and I consider whether we can cope with having someone live in with us. I wonder what is worse - the AP going off somewhere in the evenings and potentially being late back in the am, but then you have the place to yourself...or just letting the guy stay over. Yikes! Might be hard to keep someone on if they weren't allowed to have overnight guests ever. Not sure whether I'd be more worried about her family coming to stay for weeks on end than a boyfriend. "Don't worry, we'll sleep on the floor! " Had an occasional Czech babysitter - au pair of a friend in Dorset - long story - but anyway, wanted her family to come and do that. If the girl were living in, would be really hard to say no to.

Def no overnighters from the BF in my house. Absolutely no way. Could just about tolerate occasional evening visits pretty much if keep to rooms but that's it.

Blood running cold at yet more people I'd have to be vaguely polite to in the mornings.

I'd say you have to draw the line now. How about you agree some ground rules like; you can visit your boyf on your night/days off. (so for us there would be no problem if our AP wanted to stay over with a boyfriend on a friday night as friday and saturday are her days off), or go otu with him in the evenings you aren't babysitting.
BF visiting our house is a different thing, only after I'd been introduced and felt comfortable would i want a strange person in my house especially when i got in from work.

I won't have BF staying overnight at our house - issues around DS, our pirvacy etc. But then I'm putting that in our intial 'contract' so AP's know. After 2 or 3 months BF can come and visit (not overnight) but AP amuses him in her room not in our family living room, basically we need time in the evening to relax and while the AP becomes part of family life a strange BF most certianly isn't seeeing me in PJ's and face mask with a glass of red wine at 9pm.

I think I will see how it goes this week and, if he is there equally often, I will say something at the weekend. I just think it's hard to get the balance of having someone living with you and respecting them as an adult and them respecting your family house. And then you have to take into account differences in culture too... Minefield!

I don't think it's unreasonable to have a word with her re the frequency of his visits, can she go to his flat/room?

If you don't say something now it'll be more difficult several weeks down the line.

Do you think it's unreasonable to object to him being at the house in the evenings? It's just we get home from work knackered and really don't want to have to deal with a stranger, but my own feeling is that banning the boyf altogether would be pretty unreasonable...

Mumpbump, depends how seperate her living arrangements are though if you're not comfortable with I'd let her know asap.

I'm a Nanny & wouldn't dream of asking if a Boyfriend could stay over unless I was on a seperate floor in the house.

Question for all of you with au pairs. We have a lovely au pair who is very competent with our son.

It's her birthday this weekend and she has two close girlfriends staying on Friday night, but that's not particularly an issue.

She acquired a boyfriend in January which is fine as we always said that it wouldn't be reasonable to make cellibacy one of the conditions of the position and the boyf seems nice enough and they appear to be in a steady relationship. But last week, he was at the house on two evenings when I/we got home and last night, after spending the weekend with him, she rang to ask if he could come back to our house to stay. We said yes, provided it didn't become a regular thing. She is also leaving at the start of July and the boyf is going back with her.

Do you think having her boyf around this much is reasonable or starting to take the p*ss? I know au pairs are meant to be like a member of your family, but we are feeling a bit like she isn't respecting the fact that it's our family home.

I would have thought that dusting / hoovering would be totally fine or why not ask your AP if she wanted extra money and do the 2 hrs you would pay a cleaner to do the bathroom/kitchen. If she doesn't fancy it no problem but she may jump at the chance and you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone.