The au pair 'employers' thread

that's a difficult one, isn't it? does she understand how serious it is (i.e. not watching / being able to hear children)?

it's a generational thing I think. people even sit in offices now working with the MP3 players on so she may not understand why you're making a fuss.

i take it you can't put the computer in another (communal) room, so she has access, but it's clear when she's on it? or is that not acceptable because it's not private enough for either you or her?

Can I ask what stance do you take with the computer. Before the arrival of our new AP I have removed the computer in Au pairs room due to endless problems with last Au Pair constantly on it ( in my time).

I have stated on her arrival - computer use in her time only!!

We are now having the same problems over again.Now are new AP has settled in the computer is switched on soon as I go out and when she should be looking after the DC. I have already mention this too her and said she have to use the internet cafe if this continues. Except now she deletes history .. thinking i dont know [sceptical].

It the same annoying problem with her MP3 player and mobile phone plugged in her ears all day and when looking after the kids. I have also mentioned this to her.

Are they all like this?

I understand that being away from home can be lonely but this is taking the p

what was 40 year old thinking of!!!!

Shocking!

I'm looking for a mother's helper/baby sitter in the Halesowen (Dudley/Birmingham) area from late Aug 07. Just evenings for a 2 year old girl who is at full time nursery in the day. She is a little star!

I had a friend who went to Manchester as aupair (I am not English). She came back with the dad in the family. She was 18, and he was 40 something. I asked her why she did this and did she actually really love him. She said: "I just wanted to see if I could....and look, I could!" She broke up with him a few weeks later. I was just 18 myself, but so totally lost respect for her.

some are not even looking for husbands, if approached by a man, they will say how much they expect to be paid if they sleep with him as well as looking after his children. I have this on reliable authority from a dad.

lol
brummie, on the big databases, a certain % of the girls are there to find husbands. so you do well to avoid the bikini clad ones, or the honeypot smilers.
what puzzles me, is that last year on aupairworld.net, there were loads of girls from several different countries, all wearing the same hat in their photos. It was a sort of sort of pseudo military naval cap thing. At first I thought they must be school friends, but then they were on as coming from different countries, so I didnt understand what was going on.

tks for the info blueshoes & milkchoc... much appreciated!

I cannot BELIEVE it about the bikinis! Will not relay that info to DH or he'll insist on being involved in vetting process, sad git.

I am wondering - do people do criminal checks and if so, in UK and/or in the aupair's home country?

Another aupair virgin here. Brummie, I am also convinced I am a poor judge of character.

I put an ad on the Great Aupair and Aupair World websites about a week ago and just today, made an offer to a French aupair which was accepted! Hope I don't end up moaning on this thread in a few months' time.

For some reason, I received hundreds of hits from aupairs in a few days. Cloudberry, I think it is because I live in London, like milkchoc. But some of these hits were pretty random - like the bikini clad/Ricky Martin sorts , those who were from Mexico, Indonesia whom I could not get a visa for, summer aupairs (even though I clearly stated I wanted a longer term one) ...

I was ruthless in pruning my list.

A handful of aupairs emailed me and I started communicating by email. I went for those that replied promptly and even answered my long questionnaire. I took keenness to be a positive sign - tell me if I am wrong!

Then I asked for references - Brummie, ideally if they have past aupair experience in an English-speaking country, you can doublecheck with their previous family. Mine did not but promised to get me one from her French employer which I will get my French friend to translate.

Again, I assessed how quickly they could get their references together - shows organisation and go-gettingness.

I also called the final one to assess her level of conversational English and get a feel for her personality.

Then I offered! [gulp]

Hi Brummie (can I call you Brummie?)
I had hundreds of cvs from aupair world, the girls posing in bikinis were never really considered.... Yes, you get some of those.

We were exchanging emails, "spoke" on msn and on the phone, they would want to speak to our former au-pair (also a good friend of us now) to get references and an aupairs opinion on the stay with us. She was a good ally! She would ask them if they were interested in knowing about the nightlife near us, etc, and if they were all keen and excited she would tell me, lol. So in all, I think it was a judgement call more than luck. I did not take the decision lightly as I felt it important that she would fit with our family and be responsible around the boys. I trusted her complitely on the occasions she took them out. She would also take my youngest to toddler group in a church hall nearby on one of the days he was not in the nursery. He was in the nursery 3 days a week. I hope you find one!

milkchocolate - sounds like nirvana! in terms of picking the right girl, was it luck or judgement?

Hi,
I used aupair world with great success.

We live in London. My kids are in school and nursery. Her duties were to help get them dressed and ready in the morning, make breakfast for them and clean up after meals. Take the youngest to nursery and pick the oldest up from school. She would help with dinner, and clean up after, in addition to some laundry duties, and help put them to sleep.
Our AP was paid £50 per week, + monthly Oyster card with tube and bus travel, and given a mobile phone. She had time off in the middle of the day. We paid for her course, lasted 12 weeks and cost nearly £300. Her English was so good I bougth her the Floodlight catalogue, and she picked a gym instructor course. She is so grateful to us for helping her settle with her new life in London. She stayed with us one year, as agreed. In my opinon, a happy AP is a well performing and loyal AP. She now works in a gym as a fitness instructor, and lives in a flat share, she loves the boys and they love her, and we stay in touch. A very positive experience for all I think! Good Luck!

tks! wasn't quite sure of the etiquette on these group threads.

just wondered what the main advice would be to first timers. my main concern is HOW, just via e-mail and a few calls, you can possible assess whether these girls/women are sensible enough not to let the double buggy roll under the wheels of a car!

Hi Brummie, no don't worry about jumping in. Ask away ....!

sorry, jumping in on an existing conversation. should I start sep thread?

hallelujah! so pleased to see this thread! just about to start looking for an AP for our 3, as we're shortly moving to a rented house with an extra bedroom.

I'm going to use an agency as the fees seem reasonable at £120-£200 and I'm a useless judge of character - I think everyone's great!

any particular warnings / things to watch out for? how can you check if they're SENSIBLE?!

Hi Boo. thank you for thinking of us. We live about 18 miles north of Oxford. We don't live in a village so anyone we have would have to feel OK about living in the country. We will provide them with a car and there's a free language school about 8 miles away where loads of aps go, so she wouldn't be without friends!

Amy1233, that would be great, thank you. My email address is infoatcotswoldforum.co.uk. Email me and I'll give you the details.

Cloudberry - I have just found a family for the summer so if you want me to have a look at your profile from the point of an au-pair to see if there is any reason why you are not getting any interest, let me know.

Don't worry i'll understand if you don't want me to!

Yes I had changed the start date, but good question as I'm so vague it wouldn't be surprising if I had forgotton! So thank you.

stupid question, but have you adjusted your start date?
if not, then your profile wont show.

I'm resurrecting this as I noticed there was message asking about au pair forums. I think it's a real shame to let this particular one die. Does any one else agree? I haven't posted anything for ages as we had such a fantastic experience with our last au pair I didn't feel the need! She even came back for 2 weeks after having been at home in Germany for 6 weeks to help my mother with my 2 dcs while my dh and I had a week's holiday. She can't come back full-time but we'd love her to and she'd love to too but she has commitments back home.

I've reactivated our profile on aupair world and have had nothing! Is anyone else having similiar problems? Either our profile is awful (but I haven't changed it), the dcs' photographs are awful (I thought they were quite sweet!) or iit is a crap time to be looking for aps. I want someone for longer than the summer. Having only had aps for 3 months, I'd quite like to have one for longer. Gumtree has been useless and I really object to paying an agency. In the meantime we're soldiering on very happily.