Should I spy on our au pair - I need to check their behaviour

All day? Exactly how long does she have the children? I thought APs only did a few hours a day?

Ditto Leeds

I've said this many times - nannies don't like being filmed

Not coz we do anything wrong when alone but the things that we do do - ie crawling about on hands and knees chasing our charges

Singing off tune and out of key

Etc etc

I feel awkward being filmed. If a child cries/ has a tantrum unless the parent is watching 100% they may not see why they are crying

I have a camera in the bed room in current job. Generally not a problem I like to see child asleep

But this camera is in the ceiling and covers whole room - and had sound monitors - so everything is recorded and can be played back

Child gets fed last night time bottle in the room and I'm always very conscious of the 'eye in the sky'

anyway I regress from op topic

Watching a lot of TV isn't great but not the end of the world - but come home early and access the situation and then talk to her

I would unplug the TV, and take the batteries out the remote so if she turns the TV on, she won't be able to flick through the channels!!

I would also ask her to let you know what activities the children are doing, either by taking pictures or writing a little diary. Perhaps put it in a way that you are missing your children so want to know as much about their day as possible, so as not to arise suspicion.

Her laziness could result in accidents so you are right to want to put a stop to it!

It's maybe true to some extent.

However kids do exaggerate. Dd told my mum something similar about me! Because sometimes I was knackered and wanted to sit down with a cup of tea rather than play yet another board game!

Just talk to her, unless your children are in the habit of lying then there's probably something in what they say but you may be able to resolve it.

How old are your children?

My children have started to say a few strange things about the au pair

"she just watches tv and doesn't play with us" is not 'a few strange things'

Ask her what she's been upto when you get home?

Agree with outraged. I have nothing to hide but I would be very uncomfortable being recorded at work.

Either my bosses trust me or they don't. And if they don't then I shouldn't be there.

'A good nanny wouldn't have a problem with this.'

Many, many good nannies will have a problem with being filmed all day actually.

'Most work places have CCTV anyway.'

No they don't.

Gosh, I thought you were going to say you suspected her of hurting or endangering your children!

Watching TV is obviously not ideal but I think you can manage the situation and improve it. Does she have much experience with children? Does she know how to play with them? Have you given her ideas for activities? Does she take your kids to clubs or sports?

A young au pair is not a nanny or a childminder. You cannot expect them to provide the same level of childcare as someone who is professionally trained or obliged to follow the EYFS.

Filming her in what is her home would be a gross invasion of her privacy at best. YOU need to either work out a way to encourage her to engage better with the children or ask her to leave.

Spying because she lets them watch too much in your opinion TV is ridiculous.

Agree you need to actively manage it. Quinoa has a good approach. Children cannot always be trusted to give an unbiased view and can be unreliable. But monitoring and comparing stories over a number of days/weeks will give you a better idea.

Agree you can come home early unexpectedly some days or work from home on other days. My work from home days (with the door open) are always useful to monitor aupairs in a low key way.

Def no filming

Just arrive home early unannounced one day

Does the ap know you don't want her/kids watching TV

I was thinking something dreadful/ abusive too.

How old are the children? I've had mine tell DH that all I do is drink wine and watch Jeremy Kyle before. Was certainly not true.

I think the au pair deserves to be treated like a human here, and not have her privacy violated. By the way you were going on in your OP I thought she was being accused of neglect and violence.

perhaps you need to have a conversation with her about expectations? Do you expect her to never watch TV when she's meant to be looking after your children? In which case say that... or if you think it's OK in small amounts, or whatever it is you think.

It may be that on one occasion they were desperate to play with her, but she wanted to catch something on the news and said to shush a minute... which wouldn't be the crime of the century. It all depends on what you had agreed on first off, I think.

But I wouldn't spy the au pair, that would totally undermine your relationship. And is just kind of horrid.

No, that's ridiculous

But you can:

• press her on what activities she us doing with them

• ask her if she needs any ideas for activities

• come home early one day and see what's happening

You either trust her ..... Or you don't. Even if it is legal to spy it would be a horrible, horrible thing to do.

If the children say that then its probably true, at least to some extent. How old are they? Can you ask whether they mean every day or just sometimes.

You need to act like a responsible manager here and not a spy. You may not like the idea of an awkward conversation but that is what you must have. Or monitor it on a daily basis for a week or so. I employ au pairs and I am now in the habit of asking the au pair what she did with the children when I get home each day, as part of a friendly conversation I get her to detail activities etc. With new au pairs I compare this to what the children tell me later just to check that they all agree, once my trust is earned I obviously stop daily comparisons. Could you take this approach and if the stories do not gel then either ask her to up her game or simply ask her to leave?

I don't think cameras are the way to go about it. What if she spots one? You'd then have to explain why they're there. I would mention it to her first and if there are other complaints then get rid

What is she doing?

No, it is unacceptable to covertly record someone in their own home. You're her 'landlord' as well as her employer don't forget. I'm not entirely sure on the legalities, but I'm pretty confident recording a lodger/tenant in the home you rent them would be an offence (as it should be). Morally, it is wrong.

You can 'check up' on her in other ways.

You can tell her that you're setting up cameras.

You can ask her to leave.

You can press your children for further information.

These are your morally and legally appropriate options.

What are the children saying?