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Original poster

Nanny with attitude

28 replies

Mamafoof · 24/04/2015 13:00

I would really appreciate some perspective here.

Our contract is pretty typical and states that nanny can choose when to have 10 days off and then we get to choose the remaining 10 days off - but in reality, she gets a lot more time off paid as we go on holiday often or take time off.

She told us she booked 15 days (so 3 weeks) off for holiday. I raised that she was only entitled to 10 but then we agreed to park it and possibly see how she could do extra hours to make up the 5 days if that was possible. I have since become pregnant and she will be leaving in a few months as we can't afford to keep her on during my maternity leave. We realised that it's not possible for her to work extra hours (5 days' worth) in her remaining time, so I said that we would need to deduct it from her salary - but we could split it across a few months so it wouldn't Impact her cash flow. I also agreed to see if we could think of when we could use her for babysitting. Since this conversation, she has been extremely off-ish. Barely looking at me in the eye, hardly speaking and trying to avoid me at all costs. I think she has been fine with the children but it has really put a downer on things and I almost dread seeing her now as the tension is quite awkward and I don't want to feel like this every time I leave or return the kids. I think she probably thinks we are being unfair with holiday but it's really a lot of money that we can't afford to spare. We are very fair employers, giving her lots of time off when we can, letting her go early. We also give her £20 a week to spend on food plus she helps herself to our food and we were very generous on her birthday. Overall, she is a good nanny but her attitude has really spoiled things. She often slags off her previous employers which I thought was a little unprofessional and has made little comments about parents in general.

Am I being unreasonable re holiday? Too sensitive re her attitude? I almost want her to go now but she is struggling to find another job. Also, do I mention attitude problem in her reference or leave it as otherwise she is a good nanny?

Thanks for reading. Grateful for your thoughts

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Jinxxx · 24/04/2015 13:46

I think she is wrong to let her personal disappointment be obvious to you, but I can understand her being disappointed. She asked for 15 days holiday and you didn't say no, or say that she would have to take 5 unpaid, either of which you reasonably could have done, you said she could work the extra hours. Now you are pregnant, you have gone back on that, so she finds herself not only needing to find a new job, but with you expecting to claw back a weeks wages which you had led her to believe was hers to keep. If you are only now telling her you are pregnant, surely there are several months left for her to make up that time as you said she could do?

Original poster
Mamafoof · 24/04/2015 13:30

Thanks so much for your helpful reply. One morning she turned up with such a bad attitude that I later texted her to ask if all was ok. She said all was fine and I said she could talk to me if she ever needed to. She got better for a few days, then has now slipped back. I'm a bit worried about what more confrontation will do to the relationship as she is not great in those situations and I don't want more aggro. It's a shame it's all ended like this.

OP posts:
Callaird · 24/04/2015 13:22

As a nanny, I think you are being perfectly fair about the extra holiday. Although to avoid this problem in future, if they want 3 weeks holiday (which I would only give for her wedding or a very close family wedding abroad, or other big occasion on the other side of the world!) tell nanny that you can accommodate the holiday but she has to take a week unpaid.

Her attitude is completely unprofessional and I will pull her up on it, tell her that you understand that she is upset about it but she always knew that she would have to pay the 5 days back, be it by extra hours or cash. Tell her that if she makes the rest of her time uncomfortable then you are going to have to let her go early and that having brought this up with her, you will have to mention it in any reference you give for her. Tell her she is behaving very unprofessionally.

Regards the reference, you can only mention it in a written reference if you have spoken to her about it and her attitude dos not change.