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Original poster

Nanny may want to return with own child

62 replies

BehindTheCurtain · 27/02/2015 20:16

Our nanny, currently on maternity leave, had made some comments which suggest she expects to come back with her baby, who would be about 7/8 months by then. DCs will be infant school and preschool age and our days are long, 11 hours minimum plus extra babysitting/overtime sometimes at short/no notice, due to the nature of our jobs and the long commute. I cannot see how the arrangement could work, especially given the nanny now lives over an hour away from us, the school run is tricky as it is and one of the kids has additional needs (not formally diagnosed, but I suspect it is a question of time).

I am not convinced that the nanny has given the issue some proper thought, because I think if she had she would have realised the difficulties. The question is when and how to bring it up. She has always been a reliable nanny and I want to be more than fair to her, by giving her as much time as possible to make other arrangements (for all I know her husband may want to become a SAHP and she might be able to continue as before), but I also do not want to mar her maternity leave with stress. On the other hand, I do not want her to assume a NWOC arrangement is a given, which is what she seems to be doing at the moment (she has said both that she would need to come back to work soon and that she would not put her baby in nursery). I fully realise we need to talk. The question is when would be best and how to approach it.

Any advice, especially by people who have been in the same situation, both employers and nannies,mould be welcome.

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OutragedFromLeeds · 27/02/2015 23:00

Many, many, many people have three or more children and cope perfectly fine. I think the whole 'someone will be neglected' thing is total nonsense. There may need to be slight changes to the current routine, but there is absolutely no reason to expect it will be a problem. There are also many, many people who have a NWOC situation that works well for them.

You are also being unreasonable to assume she hasn't thought it through, when you clearly haven't spoken to her about it.

If you don't want a NWOC you are entirely within your rights to not have one. That's fine. You really should have made it absolutely clear before she went on ML though. You need to tell her ASAP i.e. tomorrow. If she wants to be a NWOC and you don't want that then she needs to look for another job. The decent thing to do is give her as much time as possible to look for one.

Tapestry12 · 27/02/2015 22:26

'haven't given her cause'

Tapestry12 · 27/02/2015 22:23

Oh to answer question when and how to bring it up.

She should tell you 8 weeks? before returning to work, yes?

You can then tell her the job waiting is the same as the one she left. Therefore no bringing baby.

Hopefully you having given her cause to expect to bring baby to work.

ACAS are very helpful. Try ringing and asking them.

Tapestry12 · 27/02/2015 22:19

What will happen during activities such as swimming. I take 3 1/2 and 6 yr old swimming, couldn't with baby. Bike riding in woods - unless she had bike with child seat she brought to work, Soft play? etc.

You offer same job to nanny as before she went on maternity leave. You do not have to offer NWOC. So she can come back without baby or not at all.

If you decide to do NWOC reduction of salary is 25-30%.

Though doesn't sound as though you are going to go down that route. Put your children first.

alltheworld · 27/02/2015 22:14

Just be clear asap that you do not want a NWOC situation. Lots of people don't.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/02/2015 22:09

A nanny who is good at her job will easily be able to juggle the needs of all 3 children - those ages are the same as I had in my last job and I coped easily plus had a 4mth puppy

Saying that you are quite within your rights to not want nanny to bring her own baby so you do need to let her know asap - you legally have to keep her job open for her - but the same job - ie to come back without her baby

More then likely she will find another job where she can take baby so you need to let her know you don't want her to bring baby asap so she can decide what to do

She may say she will come back without baby but change her mind 4weeks before smp ends - it mucks you about but legally she can do this

She may say she won't come back and look for a new job - 11hrs and an hour comute is long

Would it be that bad to give it a trail period if she is a good nanny? Nwoc often have a 10/20% paycut so you get cheaper childcare

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/02/2015 21:53

OP - the same way it would work if you had a third baby and your Nanny looked after that one too.

Id imagine you are well within your rights to refuse her request.

Karoleann · 27/02/2015 21:50

We tried it before and there is a big reduction in the level of care when you have a nanny who brings their own child with them and a large increase in the amount of hassle. My children got annoyed with another small child spoiling their games and interrupting their homework and actually even though we were meant to have mother's help, it wasn't actually helpful!

Your house will not be baby-friendly any more and babies come with equipment etc.

Its much the same when you go from one child to two, or three to four, but in your case there is going to be a big age gap and especially during school holidays, your nanny will not be able to find things that suit them all.

I think you just need to have a chat with her and explain everything you have here and that it won't be possible for her to bring her child to work. She may then decide to get something closer to home.

Original poster
BehindTheCurtain · 27/02/2015 21:33

What I cannot see is how my kids could get a good level of care with the baby there. Eg eldest child has two hours between getting home from school and going to bed. In that period she needs to have some time to play, do homework, have supper and have a bath. Little one needs the same, bar homework. We have a nanny because we want the kids to have high quality interactions with an adult who is dedicated to them (as opposed to the 1:4 ratio in nursery, for example). In the after school period, nanny would have 3 kids, including an under-1, and would have to cook supper, give the eldest two a bath, do homework, tidy up the house etc. Very difficult to see how it could all get done without someone being neglected, especially once the baby begins to crawl and needs to be watched constantly...

OP posts:
Socksandslippers · 27/02/2015 20:41

If she is going to be working 11 hour + days for you when will she see her own baby if she doesn't bring it with her to work? I am a nanny with my own baby, I went back to work after 6 weeks as I didn't want to be an inconvenience to anyone. It was very hard at first but once in a routine was ok. I work 11/12 hour days, my baby's routine fits in around these hours and when possible I get her ready for bed before I finish work and then she can sleep on her way home. In the morning I take her to work in her pj's and she gets dressed at the same time as the other children. If my baby didn't come to work I couldn't be as flexible with hours. Oh and I have a travel cot at work and if I'm working really late we just stay the night.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 27/02/2015 20:20

Ive no experience of this but might it be that when you want her later/evenings/weekends her OH has the baby? So he could collect the baby when he has finished work?

Lots of people have 8mos and a preschooler and a school age child so whilst ive no doubt it will be heavy going, she would at least be getting paid for it all, more than a SAHM would get.

I have seen on these threads before, however, that a NWOC arrangement usually also allows for a reduction in hourly pay.

SoonToBeSix · 27/02/2015 20:20

No experience nanny wise my experience of my own pre schooler plus dc with additional needs and a baby and it really is no issue. Many people look after a baby plus dc.