Starting new nanny job pregnant!

Meant to employer

Melimelo18 give her the benefit of the doubt, she probably thought it would be like the last five years where it was unsuccessful. Having had a number of friends go through IVF is it often the ONLY way to cope and mentally survive. If you have not done it your cannot ever understand it.

Honestly, don't have any problem with it. I have an employed make me redundant 2 days after a close aunt died and my father declared missing. I know why and it was to do with a cheaper nanny. Business is business everywhere. I have worked 20 years with children, seen it happen over and over and over again. We nannies are entirely and easily replaceable. Evidence, read the last few weeks of posts, how many may nanny is rubbish posts are there should I sack her?

HappyChappy, I know that but she lied when she said she wasn't planning to have kids, I am glad she is pregnant but she should have been honest and told them she was trying to conceive, I would have thought different if the pregnancy was an accident but she knew well from the start that there was a slight possibility she was going to be pregnant.

Don't be ridiculous. Nannies aren't deprived of any rights but neither should they lack morals or consideration to others.
If someone sells themself at interview as being committed, having the families best interest at heart, honest, reliable - I am employing them because I presume they are intending to display those characteristics in their work.
If they came to a job interview and said I'm only interested in looking after myself and will do what it takes to get the best deal for me (your kids and family are not my concern) and I will lie to sort myself out - then fine, the family have nothing to whinge about if they take on such a character.

Yes big businesses that don't depend on childhood attachments and security can afford (emotionally and financially) to take on people due to go on maternity leave. But why should this poor family who have probably advertised the role to give their kids stability lose out.

@wewishyou The problem isn't that she is pregnant, I am pretty sure everyone here is happy for her, the problem is that she LIED in an interview process about wanting kids when she was indeed trying to conceive. No, she doesn't deserve to be fired because she is pregnant, but the family doesn't deserve to be put in a delicate situation because of her selfishness either.
She lied, she knew there would be a risk of her being pregnant, she knew that would put her in that situation if she lied and got the job, yet made the choice to do just that. So I think she is at fault and I think she owes the family a call where she explains herself so they have a chance to find somebody reliable.

She is obviously going to stop working after the baby is born so if she can't afford her rent plus her child now, that won't get any better after birth I suppose (her salary can only sustain her for a certain amount of time). It's not because you are in need that you need to screw people over, I am sorry.

I don't intend to be mean or anything cause I can see how OP sees things and I can obviously understand her side and I don't think she is a bad person but at the end of the day she made bad choices who've led her to that uncomfortable decision, now she needs to 'man up' and deal with the consequences of her lies and tell the family she is pregnant.

melimelo18, don't think it was a lie, think OP didn't want to get her hopes up. 5 Years is a long time trying and emotionally very difficult, you learn to manage your expectations after a while.

Sorry been a nanny, been a boss, worked with children, worked in schools not manage an office and work with adults. Nannying is like any other job but the parents generally hold all the power. They can get rid of pretty easily and you dare not really say anything because you need the reference, and parents will go back on your history without even speaking to you about it before (had it happen to me many times; yes I was upset complicated story but really out of order; didn't leave badly but I would like to have ask asked them first if ok). When it comes to domestic staff they can pretty much say and do what they like turn up late most of the time and sometimes not even pay you on time if at all. All this has happened to me. I don't believe I was unlucky, its the nature of the beast. This extents to asking you whatever comes into their head during an interview. Being a nanny is a difficult tightrope because you are not family but to the children you are while you are there. My advice to the OP go with whatever you can live with and remember nobody is irreplaceable.

The family has been very specific in the interview process, you knew exactly what they were looking for and yet you decided to lie to get the job and now want to put your well-being in front of the well-being of those kids by hiding your pregnancy and that is just wrong. ( I am not even going to talk about the stress you are going to have to go through to hide your pregnancy and we both know stress is the least thing you need when you are pregnant.)

I think you could easily put yourself in their shoes and see why you shouldn't do what you plan on doing. Their kids need someone reliable and those parents need someone they can trust and you are unfortunately not that person. Plus, think about what you are teaching your kids in the process... they'll look back and think that A) it's okay to lie in an interview to get the job B) it's okay to hide stuff from your boss in order to keep the said job C) it's okay to leave a job in a rush and let other people pay for your selfishness (even if that involves kids) because hey, why not ?

Sorry to be harsh but that's what's how I feel about the whole situation. I am glad your ivf was successful and you are now pregnant ( congratulations ! :) ) but don't let your joy and pregnancy ruin things for this family. Be honest with them and maybe they'll decide to keep you but giving them the choice is the very least you can do.

Good luck ! :)

What if OP can't pay her rent or prepare for the baby without a work? Is it OK if the family get rid of her, because she is pregnant? If you are a nanny, you are deprived of any right? I think OP should protect herself as much as possible. The family doesn't have EVERY right over the nanny. Yes, it sucks that they will have to change nanny after 5 months, but it would suck for OP to be jobless because she is pregnant. And it's illegal.

But hey, who cares, she is just a nanny... She isn't working in a office, she owes teh family she works for not to get pregnant for at least three years, right?

Up to you. If it was me I would feel a professional responsibility to be honest. You're putting your life (and kids) in front of soneone else's (life and kids) and consequently they're losing out. Seems pretty selfish behaviour to me. If that's your attitude in life, I don't think it'll get you very far in the long run.

Sounds really harsh I know and I don't want to poop on your fantastic news but I'm a strong believer of looking after others and others will look after you. It's not just about number 1 all the time.

As an employer of a nanny if my nanny was open and honest with this fact at the start of her job I wouldnt sack her (yes I'd be annoyed) but i'd appreciate her for not doing what you're proposing instead.

I think it would be appalling not to tell them , before you start work ,whatever the law says .It would be (slightly)different if you intended to go back to work very soon after the birth.
They'd have the choice whether to employ you for a few months and start looking quite soon for a replacement .In their shoes I'm afraid I 'd be furious

I actually thing that's an awful thing to do to the family especially if you are not going back.

Isn't the usual probationary period six months. I must say I'd be reluctant to leave my DC's with anyone who deceived me in this way. I think you're making a grave mistake under the circumstances especially as you have absolutely no intention of returning to work. You've deceived this person. Not right at all.

"Not a nice thing"
Quite an understatement

I think you have to be honest. I would be pissed off - nannying is not like working in an office, it is so much more personal and you have to think of the children.

Wonderful news, I have been through IVF, know how hard it is - congrats!!

I know it sounds selfish but if a nanny did this to me I'd be fuming. Advertising for somebody going through interview process in the hope you will find somebody to look after your children for a reasonable amount of time. But still it's just one of those things. I think you should tell them because it wouldn't make for good working relationships if you kept it a secret till the last minute. They will need time to find somebody else.

I can see your worry - I'd so much rather be upfront and hope that they act honourably. Is there any chance you'll go back to it when you have the new baby?

It is unfair of employer to ask if the prospective applicant is planning more kids (fine make sense)
BUT
It is NOT unfair of the applicant to answer to question on whether they can stay long term with a yes knowing they can't! And still not inform employer when starting the job???

This is so biased and ethically wrong!!!

You have no obligation to inform them until some time into your pregnancy (24 weeks?).

I wouldn't feel bad about this, there really is no need to.

They were wrong to ask you if you planning more children, not only is it illegal but it was also unfair to put you on the spot like that.

Are you planning on returning to work after maternity leave? If so this could be very much a long term position, making all parties happy.

If they are happy with a nwoc then perhaps you could return to work quite soon?

It's two years before you get employment protection and can't be fired for any reason, not 16 weeks.

That said, I don't know if I'd tell them. You deserve to be able to work, and they clearly like you enough to offer you the job. But it will affect them that you leave soon after starting. Hmm.

I won't go against and say be honest. You will be jeopardising with their child care arrangements. You know it matters to your employer to have long term commitment and you are knowingly deciding to hide the information that you will have to leave in few months. Be honest not selfish .. Work ethics!!!.

I wanted a long term nanny but the one liked was honest and told me that she may have to leave after 5 months and I was ok with it. She is now working for me.

They def shouldn't have asked you about your future child plans.

But if my nanny started at 12 weeks pregnant I'd be pretty pissed off. But hey, what can they do.....

I'd be honest with them. They could find a reason anyway if they didn't want you to continue even if it's after your probation period.