Help!! My CM lost my LO for half an hour, what would you do??

I'm a CM and when incidents like this occurs it does frustrate me to read the we hate all childcarers brigade coming out with their (possibly false) annecdotes.

Very simply you should call Ofsted and inform them of the facts. From your original post I would suggest that your little one is naughty around the roads and has got upset because he scared himself by running off. From the sound of it the CM did what she could to protect the other children in her care by going back to the school.

That being said if your child is known to run off he should either be using reins or put in buggy. We all know that children aren't necessarily going to hold hands the whole way home- your son may have been asked to hold someone's hand but ignored it.

I wouldn't continue to dig for stuff- it doesn't look good on you and let's face it, Ofsted will do that if they need too.

It could be that she is a terrible CM or it could be that this was a terrible mistake that could happen to any parent or carer. Just because it's our job doesn't make us super human, I'm sure she is as distressed as you are that it happened.

You have left, you don't have to pay her. Report her to ofsted and leave it at that. They will possibly investigate further and may or may not take further action depending on what she says.

Why on earth would it be mandatory for her to change her name? I didn't.

No it's no mantatory to change your name. Plenty of women don't take their husband's surname upon marriage for business and/ or personal things.

Please don't start trying to 'dig' for extra things to make yourself feel better. It just comes across as petty.

If she lets the older kids do it then it's entirely predictable that one of the younger ones might try to do the same - so the situation is avoidable either through having better and more consistent rules for behaviour for all kids, or recognising she's created a risk she needs to manage.

My CM insists on holding hands or backpacks with a rein. She also won't let them ride their scooters until they are in the park. The thought of losing a child for half an hour is just horrifying.

She does seem rather unprofessional, not responding to your attempts to contact her. Suppose she was afraid of a shouting match at the school gates today though? If I were her, I'd be really shaken by the events, and be ensuring they all hold hands now! 'unless of course the children she had were all older and responsible. The fact that the teacher said that to you, I'd be curious to dig around to find out exactly what happened.

Sallycinnamum that is shocking, I'm so glad you found out and hope OFSTED shut her down. People like that bring down the reputation of childminders.

OP, I suspect your gut instinct is that something hasn't been right with this CM for a while now and this may well be the icing on the cake.

For what it's worth, my DS had a CM a few years ago and although everything started off ok, I just had this feeling something wasn't right. As it turned out, she was leaving the children on their own in the purpose built room at the end of the garden while she pottered around in her house, with the gate wide open so anyone could've walked in without her even knowing.

The final straw was when I discovered her cleaner was looking after her mindees while she picked up the others from school. I had no problem reporting her to Ofsted after finding this out.

Luckily my DS doesn't even remember the CM but I agonised over it for a long time afterwards and even contemplated not going back to work because I couldn't bear the thought of leaving my DC with a CM.

I now have a nanny who costs me an arm and a leg but it's worth it and I've never doubted her levels of care with both my DC. Equally, I'm sure I could've found another CM who was just as good as our nanny but this suits my working patterns at the moment.

Surely though if the bus shelter was transparent your son would have been able to se the Cm and probably would have heard her calling his name. he should know not to run off anyway especially if there are cars nearby. He should have been near her in the first instance however.
He is your son and of course you are very angry but reading your replies your decision has been made and I don't think any of us on here are going to sway that.
I would however part pay what is owed and also try to get a full account of exactly what happened from him , the school and possibly the other children.
As for he shouting that he was naughty ..... he was actually !

4 is not a baby, would you send a baby to school? If he can get through a school day he should know not to run off

Also running off isn't that clear cut, it's a likely e got swept along with another group of children surely. To allow time for him to get far enough ahead that a 30min search didn't did him makes me boggle. If I bring home a few six year olds I treat them like any might bolt or attempt to leap I front of passing cars. 4 year olds are unpredictable hence reins, high vis jacket, hand holding and othe techniques used by decent cms.

No good cm would let this happen. 30 mins is way too long before calling the police - when would she have called? She sounds neither safe, careful nor appropriately concerned about how she has failed.

Contact ofsted and I wouldn't pay her a penny.

op I understand you are angry and upset, it would be unnatural for you not to be. But seriously, the cm did everything humanly possible to deal with this situation. your DS at 4 should not be running off out of sight. I also think you are out of order to be cross at her telling your DS off. He was in the wrong for running off and hiding so of course he should be told off. What do you expect her to do? pander to him and say well done for running off? or course not because that would encourage him to do it again. I feel sorry for your CM and really hope that this doesn't affect her having other children. Things like this happen to parents too and could easily happen to you.

I'm a childminder. I usually get them to hold hands either with myself or other children. If I have children full of energy and wanting to run, I allow this only at certain safe points in the pavement, with a 'stop at the lamp-post' type of instruction. They are always in view. Tbh I've never had a 4 year old run off on the way to/from nursery or school - they know not to do so. If I had a runner like your son, I'd definitely hold his hand or get him to hold pram. Giving her the benefit of the doubt though, if she didn't know what he was like, and he just 'run off', it's difficult to chase after them when you have a group of other children. The childminder should have contacted OFSTED to inform them she had a missing child incident. You could contact them, in case she hasn't.

I can obviously see why the trust is lost and why you no longer want to use her service. You need full confidence in the person caring for your child.

However although I've said all of this, I also think you have to accept some responsibility. A 4 year old, unless for medical reasons, should be beginning to understand about safety and the dangers of running away. I think he's learned the hard way though! Poor soul must have had a terrible fright.

Thank goodness your LO is safe. I would be equally horrified and upset in your case.

Yes at 4 yo your LO should know to come back when called, and needs a serious repremand. But ultimately the CM was the adult in charge of your son and therefore responsible. I agree that you should contact Ofsted and also notify the other parents; I would want to know if this CM was looking after my child.

Sorry, I wasn't actually intending to suggest that your son is given to running off and misbehaving. Just saying in response to some of the other posts that although it shouldn't happen, I have often seen children of that age running off and hiding, and in a number of those cases their parents doing nothing to discourage it.

That said, of course there were and are a fair number of parents who do not allow it, and children who are less prone to doing things like that.

If he's not a known runner, then she would have expected him to walk with the group as usual and probably had a real fright.

For me, there are a few issues:

What's your DS's version of the story of how he got separated?

Does the CM allow older children to run and hide near the bus shelter regularly? If so, that seems like poor risk evaluation.

30 minutes is a long time. At what time did she plan to call the police?

In mixed minds about this ...
I know how easily done it can be...My DD ran off with a friend when they were 5. I was with their mum walking home from school, the other mum stopped to help an elderly neighbour with her shopping. I let the DDs run ahead a little ...didn't realise that because of the layout of the path they would go out of vision - I couldn't see them for about 10 secs - and then they had disappeared. From where they were they could have gone in 3 different directions. I thought I knew where they would be but couldn't see them -later found out they were deliberately hiding when I looked... The other mum was beside herself - she was knocking on doors and searching one area whilst I was scrambling over rocks (6 month pregnant) in another. I found them -where I thought they would have gone -the other mum was frantic, had called the police and screamed at me - they were missing for about 30mins. (After that we both decided they shouldn't be encouraged to play together anymore as they were a bad influence on each other - even now as teens we are still wary!) I don't think either of them would have run off like that on their own though...
On the other hand something similar was the last straw with DDs CMS...she was about 6 and only went one day a week by then -(I'd stopped working but she still wanted to go). Very occasionally she wouldn't go but I'd always phone well in advance to let them know. DD went out a different exit than the younger children - one week there was hassle because she'd gone to the wrong place - so the CM had insisted she went to one area -got me to remind her etc too....the next week DD did exactly as she was told but the CM was standing somewhere else...(they must have passed each other) after waiting for ages (10mins) on her own DD did what she had been told to do if no-one was there to pick her up and went to the school office...turns out the CM had assumed she had come home with me and left the school without her The school then phoned the CM - (there are actually 2 CMs who work together) one of them went to get DD from the school in her car - meanwhile someone who works at the school and drives past the CMs took her along to drop her off... The CMs actually said they wanted DD to leave ....because she had made them look bad and couldn't be trusted to follow simple instructions (I would argue she followed instructions to the letter and it wasn't her fault the school and the CMs didn't communicate with each other) .... but it suited me because honestly I didn't trust them to look after her anymore...on the other hand DD was really upset because she liked going....