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Original poster

Au Pair ok with kids but driving me insane

39 replies

PrintScreen · 10/01/2015 21:41

I've had au pairs before and all has been great. Are current au pair however drives me to distraction as a housemate. She's messy, inconsiderate and just plain odd. She does stop things if asked but she has no common sense so has to be asked to stop so many things: can you not Sykpe in the living room when we are all in there? can you not use the family bathroom to take a bath when you have your own ensuite bath and it's kids bath time? Can you not listen to headphones while sitting downstairs with me in the evening? Can you not eat 2nds, 3rds and 4ths before we have eaten our firsts? Can you not him loudly while sitting at the dinner table with us.

Her presence is like fingers down the blackboard to me but I have to admit she is good with the kids.

She's meant to be with us for 8 more months. I want her to leave now but can I give her notice when she's good at her core job? How do I phrase it without being horrid?

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OVienna · 11/01/2015 21:50

It's totally unreasonable to sit on the living room with her headphones on, esp if you can hear music and you're trying to chat or watch tv. Wtf.

OutragedFromLeeds · 11/01/2015 21:41

I think your plan is a good one. There is no point trying to make it work if you feel so strongly. I think 'our requirements have changed, here is a plane ticket' is fair.

I also don't understand the problem with the headphones. It's fine that you don't like it, but I think a lot of people do it/wouldn't have a problem with it so be aware that with that one she isn't being unreasonable.

Knicknacks84 · 11/01/2015 21:21

She sat in the front seat of the car?? Well I think that says it all. Good luck.

wewishyou · 11/01/2015 20:52

DH = Dear Husband

Original poster
PrintScreen · 11/01/2015 19:17

DH = my husband (I've no idea why MN calls husbands DH!!!)

OP posts:
Col12345 · 11/01/2015 14:10

what does DH mean? sorry am new to this.....

Original poster
PrintScreen · 11/01/2015 13:29

Thanks all. I'm trying not to overwhelm her with criticism and I let lots of little things slide but some things I can't leave.

I am more than happy for her to hang out with us. We have been very close to previous au pairs. But if she's in the family rooms I think she should interact with us, not Skype not listen to headphones etc. she has a large lovely sunny room with wifi to do those things. I've invited her on family trips but even then she sat in the front seat of the car without asking, leaving DH to sit in the back.

I just can't stand the idea of living with her for months and months. I need to let her go. DH says we just tell her tonight that our requirements have changed, don't hurt her feelings with the real reason, buy her ticket home and wave her off next weekend. What do people think?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/01/2015 13:03

She sounds a bit thick skinned and a pain. I don't think I could put up with somebody so irritating and thoughtless. And really not very well mannered and considerate.

Col12345 · 11/01/2015 13:00

also struggling with my new aupair she wont leave us alone. she is watching tv with us every night. coming out with us.... feel so stressed......

Tanith · 11/01/2015 12:58

How old is she? This all sounds like typical teenager behaviour and she must feel very miserable and unwelcome to be told "Don't!" so much.

I'm not really seeing the problem with the headphones - what do you want her to do? Are you happy to listen to her music, to chat to her, to put on a TV programme she'd like to watch? Or do you want her to keep to her room, or go out instead?

OVienna · 11/01/2015 12:21

We have had some similar issues on the past. OP I'm guessing your issue may be that you feel like you are telling her something every week virtually. I get that you have to set expectations but it can start to feel like bullying when it's very frequent and in my experience it's almost impossible to teach someone common sense. I think with all your examples below though you are well within your rights to say don't do that, none of them are marginal calls or unreasonable to ask her not to do. We've always soldiered on in these situations so I am curious if others have other thoughts..,

blueshoes · 10/01/2015 22:39

I think it is fine for you to tell her matter-of-factly you prefer her not to do certain things. I guess it sounds terrible to your ears and makes you feel like not a nice person. But you have to at least tell her how you want her to behave before giving her the heave-ho.

She can either take it in the right spirit and try to improve, or she can decide she does not want to live in your household and find another one, in which case problem solved. If she stays but does not improve, then you have given her a chance (or two) and tell her that she must now find another family. I treat it like an employer-employee relationship when managing aupairs so that there is a basic yardstick by which to be fair to them.

It is frustrating to have an inconsiderate aupair. I feel your pain. I have had aupairs that just did not gell with the family and we got on each other's nerves. She left in the end of her own volition.

Karoleann · 10/01/2015 22:20

She sounds nuts, can you be made redundant, or take a (short) sabbatical?

I don't think there is a nice way of saying you don't like someone! But life is too short to have someone you don't like in your house.

Original poster
PrintScreen · 10/01/2015 21:42

For "him loudly" read "hum loudly". Sorry.

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