MIL to be childminder - any concerns?

I have various friends who have used family members for childcare. The main pitfalls have been:

• grandparent unable to cope with a non napping toddler as opposed to a baby;
• clashing parenting styles;
• declining health of gps;
• gps becoming unreliable (short term childcare is as rare as hen's teeth when they decide to take an off peak holiday )

It sounds like your biggest issue might be that it could be very very difficult to change your childcare even if you were unhappy if your mil has given up work and is relying on you financially. What would you do in that scenario?

I agree Tanith.

I have three children I mind who go to GPs on other days. Slowly the balance has shifted towards me because they are being let down so often.

The parents who have stopped using grandparents and increased days with me instead have all done so because of reliability.
The GPs simply couldn't be made to understand that they were being relied on to provide childcare. They would go off on holiday or days out at the last minute and didn't get why someone didn't just take time off work to cover.

That said, grandparents as childcare can work well, but you really need to make sure both parties know what's expected and are happy with it.

I seem to remember from an earlier thread that you are a doctor. I know quite a few doctors who rely on grandparents (generally the mother's parents) to cover weekends, nights, long days etc but have nursery places for the rest of the time.

We had 2 days a week of childcare from my mum. We were very lucky that we totally trust her & were 100% happy to leave the kids with her, so that wasn't a problem. However - it's difficult to speak honestly with the family dynamic eg I would have liked her to keep the house tidier but could never say so! Our holidays all had to match which was a challenge for all of us. It was knackering for my mum - she is an active 61 but found working three days a week & minding my kids (age 5 and 2 at the time) exhausting.

My kids still loved me more but they have a great bond with my mum.

You need to phone Ofsted and HMRC to clarify registration/employment stance. Too many opinions here and Ofsted rules have recently changed. Only they can give you an absolute.

Re whether it will work.. This is up to how you all approach it/respecting one another's wishes etc. Would my MIL ever be allowed to look after a child of mine? Not a chance. She's a smoker.

Hope all goes well!

Agreed outraged. I was comparing it to what she would pay for a cm, with all the added benefits of sole nanny care.

£1,000 a month is around going rate for a childminder who has other children and other income. It's nowhere near going rate for a nanny providing one on one care, which is what she'll be doing.

It works out around £230 a week/£46 a day/£4.60ph (based on a 10hr day/5 day week). Less than the minimum wage for an 18-20 year old. That's not factoring in the overnights and weekends.

Of course it's wonderful when children are close to their grandparents. The whole point of the OP was asking what the downsides might be

I'm surprised how many people are so focused on their relationship with MIL where childcare is involved. You do know it's not just about you? What about the wonderful relationships the child will be able to form? Grandparents care for young children in almost all cultures. I think it is wonderful if a child is able to build a deep relationship with their grandparents. My mother and step mother have looked after all their grandchildren and we've all been adaptable enough to accept each other's child rearing practices.

We have one day a week of gp care (non-paid, entirely GPs choice, we'd have been happy with another nursery day).
Our only issue is her holidays. She has a few weeks a year and they have been the worst possible weeks for us (eg when I've had to travel with work) But that's a general cm vs nursery issue.

On the emotional side - I remember how I had exactly the same worries that my DD would be closer to her nanny than me. But actually I came to really treasure the bond between them, as it was so obviously the best thing for her. It can be really tough going back to work, and knowing that your little one is going to spend the whole day with someone they love and trust is incredibly reassuring.

And if you maintain a good bond with her then you'll always be number one. Worth thinking about how you're going to do that?

If you are employing her as a nanny then you will need to pay nmw which your 'salary' Prob won't be and will look after her in your home

If you use her as a cm then think she will need to register and Obv be in own home

From what I read on here most say not to use relatives whether mil or dm as a carer as niggles will appear

I do agree that it would be sensible for her to get first aid training though.

It's not much for 1:1 care by someone you trust 100% though. The alternative for OP is to spend more on someone she doesn't know.

1k is a lot for an unqualified, not first aid trained, not EYFS following babysitter.

I charge over £1k per month for 8-6 mon-fri. It's admirable that you're offering her the going rate.

My own mum is a CM and minds my dd for a fee. It is a considerably smaller sum than yours, however my DM is also minding other kids so my dd isnt her only source of income. At first I was worried, as it always seems awkward mixing business and family, but we seem to have it down now.

Things I considered, and would do in your shoes - will your DM cover all meals whilst your little one is there? For 1k I would expect mealtime food and snacks.to be provided.

Will she take your LO out for fresh air every day? Will she visit a toddler group at least once a week? Will she do games, arts and craft, stories? Will she ensure your LO is mixing with other kids?

And also, how reliable is she? Will she drop days or ask you to jig your shifts around because she has been invited out somewhere with X&Y?

She can't be your employee as she won't be earning minimum wage. currently £6.50/hour.

If the care is mostly in her home, I don't see any problem in her being classes as a childminder, the law was changed to make it easier for grandparents to be carers.

She'll just need to register as self-employed with HMRC. They will clarify things with you.

If she has similar values and parenting style to you then it sounds perfect.
Although, I wouldn't let my MIL look after one of our house plants, never mind any of my children!

Some of my friends started off using grandparents as regular childcare. A few years down the line and it seems that only those who have to use grandparents for financial reasons are still doing so. Reasons why it hasn't worked out longer term:

• grandparents were willing and able to look after a crawling/toddling 1yo who had naps but had forgotten how hard it can be to look after a 2yo (half a dozen instances);

• parents had a second DC and grandmother couldn't cope with both (half a dozen instances);
• differing views on child rearing which make more obvious as the children got older (half a dozen instances);
• grandmother got very bored and missed the interaction and company of her job (she was taking the baby to baby groups but found the mums to be polite but not that friendly, her own friends were either at work or retired but the retired ones didn't always want to do something toddler friendly);
• grandmother got cancer & couldn't look after child whilst going through treatment (one off);
• grandfather (who had worked full time) got made redundant with good payout & wanted to take frequent holidays &, when at home, didn't want to have a child with them all of the time;
• grandmother's other child had a drug addiction and moved back in to get clean and parents no longer felt it was appropriate (one off).

There are lots of issues around how you want to parent and how she thinks you should parent. There are lots of issues around what the DC hears from MIL while you are not there and she is. My MIL minded my DD for a short day once a week (at her request and unpaid) for about two years. It was only about four or five hours total. It was fraught with difficulty. MIL couldn't understand that I thought that a six month old shouldn't eat chocolate on a regular basis (maybe ever, certainly not every week). She didn't get that I did actually want DD to have naps at the times she was tired and not when it was convenient for MIL. I often got home to a howling baby who hadn't been given the opportunity to nap when she'd have liked to because MIL wanted to play with her. MIL was just difficult. She had a different set of ideas about how children need to be treated than I had. I had far less difficulty with my aunt who minded DD for another short day but was more on board with my own ideas and was happy to be told what I'd like her to do and how and when. And didn't give a tiny baby chocolate at every opportunity. If you want family to do childcare, I'd definitely suggest getting someone from your own family if at all possible.

I think you'll need to register as her employers and sort her tax/NI etc.

It's one of those arrangements that could go either way, depending on you/MIL etc. Personally I wouldn't employ family. I'd prefer to keep the relationship with my childcare provider professional. I think it's easier to specify exactly what you want that way. Although obviously you get the benefit of DD spending all that time with family rather than a 'stranger'.

Sorry, you are correct lucky.
If she wanted to expand and have more mindees or if childcare vouchers were being used she would have to be registered.

That is not correct jackie