No touching newborn for 1st 3 months?

I remember visiting friends who had just had their first baby. A sign in their hallway said "Please wash your hands as soon as you have taken your shoes off, if you want to say hello to baby".

Fair enough. New parents can be a bit anxious and over the top. They will soon learn that germs will from now on play a very large part in their lives.
But educating them would just seem patronizing.

Roll with it!

Has the world gone completely and utterly mad?! Redrag is in the right and her son in law is the one being utterly ridiculous.
That said, just go with their request redrag just to keep the peace. These things easily turn nasty in families so just smile and nod as others have said.

Art that says more about you than it says about Everything....

Everything - in my house your attitude would have restricted visits. One moan on the phone like above and you wouldn't even see your grandchild

I think the op had been scared away.....

they just ask that hands washed first

No, they did nothing.

Does the pregnant woman want this restriction placed on her mother?

That is rationing contact.

It's making physical contact between a grandparent and a newborn something that has to be thought about in advance.

Does the OP's daughter agree?

Does she want her mother to be subject to these rules?

I couldn't have got through the early weeks without my mother's support.

If my DH had started laying down the law to her like this before the baby had even arrived, and caused tension between them, I would have been really unhappy.

Is the mother on board with this regime?

That matters.

Just wash hands etc. and go with it - IMO it is sensible for people to do this with a newborn. It's no problem for you and reassures anxious new parents, why would you make a stand or a fuss about it?

Yes, there are a few things that can seriously affect newborn that people didn't really know about years ago, including rotaviruses and other germs/illnesses that adult immune systems can cope with but newborns can't very well. Pertussis (whooping cough) is a good example - many older people have reduced immunity to this and carry this in their throats - it might give them a slight cough but it can be deadly to a newborn. Cold sores too - I had to explain to both of my parents, who get cold sores, not to kiss a newborn at all (as you can shed the virus loads before you know you have a cold sore), and rarely it can be fatal to neonates. Meningitis bacteria are also carried in the throats of many healthy adults, but a newborn's immune system is not capable of defending itself as strongly as an adult's is. Yes, all three of these ( and other similar) scenarios are unlikely - but they are known, if small, risks; new parents are anxious, and what's it to you to wash your hands or use a hand gel just so they feel more at ease and family relationships are harmonious whilst the new parents are under a lot of stress?

Everything - erm contact isn't being rationed, they just ask that hands washed first

its his and her weight to throw - its their baby. I had a relative who was a very heavy smoker.When my pfb was born and nearly died, and then had a suspected infection, I specifically asked DP to tell her she had to use sanitiser (as we knew she wouldn't wash her hands) as it made it slightly more palatable when she picked him up and breathed fumes all over him.

He's not rationing physical contact. He's simply asking them to use hand sanitisers. The title of the thread is misleading.

The baby isn't even born and the father to be is already throwing his weight around.

I think it is worth wondering how a pregnant woman feels about her husband rationing physical contact between her foetus and its soon to be grandparents.

why is it a mental request when all maternity wards have hand sanitisers and a maternity nurse has been on here and said its normal and advisable for the first few weeks? have you been in a NICU? let's hope you won't be having to visit your GC in one OP or you will be having to do a lot more than squirting a bit of hand sanitiser on.

I've only ever come across pfb-ness on MN.

No one I've ever known has been that bonkers in RL

PS my baby was prem and very small so maybe that influenced me too, I have to admit. maybe with a huge bouncing bundle I would have not been quite so anxious!

It's their baby so their business. I did insist, for the first few months, on anyone coming in from outside just washing their hands/using sanitiser before touching the baby. If it goes on longer than a couple of months it would not be normal, and would of course eventually be weird and harmful, but otherwise I don't see a problem.

Your son is barking mad.

Keep schtum until the baby arrives then hope he unclenches a bit.

He'll soon realise that actually it was a completely mental request.

He asked her to sanitize her hands before holding the baby for the first three months!!! You are being just as OTT as he is...

No, I'm absolutely not kidding.

Where is the actual mother, the one who is carrying this baby, in all this?

If she thinks this ridiculous preciousness is a good idea, then wonderful.

But all we have here is a bossy idiot laying down the law to his mother in law about stuff he clearly knows nothing about.

It is always a shame for the first born-it is far more relaxed with subsequent ones when they have one at nursery coming back with all sort of germs and they have to do the school run etc. (I was my mother's PFB -much better for my brothers) Just humour them until it wears off.

EverythingRunningAway, you are kidding right? You are freaking kidding, right?

How does your daughter feel about having her mother spoken to in that high handed manner?

Does she agree with limiting her child's physical interactions with family?

Does she want her husband laying down the law to her own mother about how cuddles will be allocated?

Do you like him? Is he normally controlling and bossy?

I'd agree to his ridiculous demands, but keep an a eye out for your daughter.

Pregnancy is a time when controlling and abudive behaviours often begin or escalate.

Just do it. They're being a bit silly but everyone is with their first.

God, poor kid having a Dad like that.

Laying down rules about how he will be isolating his child from its family before it is even born.

I don't think this is remotely normal.