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Original poster

son playing up

39 replies

HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 01:56

My son has been having meltdowns at home for a few months now. I've tried to get to the bottom of it and failed. His father has now experienced one and didn't deal.with it correctly. But there's nothing I can do about that as I'm seperated from him..my childminder has had twining the lastb wo weeks. My son becomes abusive and angry. My childminder did nothing at all to eliminate the problem and my son really upset her. She has asked for him to be taken to school for the next few days which I'm fine with although it's a bit of a pain. I'm now waiting for her decision. I don't know why I'm writing this. But being a single mum I don't really have anyone to talk to.

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Blondeshavemorefun · 25/11/2014 15:24

how did his dad deal with it, you said not correctly,as in why/how?

if your son behaves at school ie no meltdowns , to me that means he knows how he is behaving and is pushing the boundaries with you/dad and cm

you may find another cm but unless you get to the root of the problem/s then the same thing may happen

as i said in my first post cm have other children there and they have to make sure those children are safe, and if your son has outbursts that are abusive and angry

FlorenceMattell · 25/11/2014 15:14

Lucky agree it is very hard to make sense of this thread.
OP I wasn't trying to say your child had medical problems. But sometime children misbehave when they are early stages of viral infection.
You sound a lovely caring mum; Bag of Worries sounds a good activity.
If I have understood correctly your childminder is finding your son's behaviour challenging at the moment and has asked for a break.
That's sounds a good short term plan.
You need to have a frank discussion with, maybe she would prefer you to find alternative childcare long term? Maybe she has ideas for improving his behaviour ? Maybe it is a personality clash between the two of them.

OhReallyDear · 25/11/2014 14:55

Neither is itbalways associated with medical disorders

What is itbalways???

nilbyname · 25/11/2014 14:43

i am not sure the op is making a lot of sense.

op you have put your kids names on here.....maybe ask for the threat to be deleted and start a new one?

LuckyLopez · 25/11/2014 14:40

I just want to say well done to everyone who's given advice on this thread.

I can't understand a bloody word dispite someone asking the OP to read back their posts before submitting.

lucidlady · 25/11/2014 14:33

Hi OP

Regardless of whether or not this sort of behaviour is common amongst 7 year old boys, I think the issue is that your childminder isn't prepared to put up with it. What you need to do then is work with her and your son to figure out what is going on and how to deal with it. What do you do when he behaves like this at home?

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 14:26

He's normal in all aspects. He has meltdowns. From the advise I've received elsewhere it's not rare. Neither is itbalways associated with medical disorders

I wanted to knowing anyone had the same experience. His behaviour is good at school. He has lots of freinds. He lacks a Little self confidence but that's it.

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Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 14:24

Ahhh pasted something I don't want on here :(

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Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 14:21

He's normal in all aspects. He has meltdowns. From the advise I've received elsewhere it's not rare. Neither is itbalways associated with medical disorders.

I wanted to knowing anyone had the same experience. His behaviour is good at school. He has lots of freinds. He lacks a Littlet
I will pick up the children on Christmas morning at about 10 if this suits and drop them back before 4pm (should they be happy with this arrangement, of course). I have spoken with my Mom and finalised our Christmas plans, and they are coming up to visit over the Christmas period. I will be picking them up on Boxing Day morning and will pick up DS and DD at 3pm on Boxing Day as per the usual weekend arrangement. The offer of having them overnight from Christmas night is appreciated but not a logistical possibility (not enough room in my car). Instead, I would like to have them a little longer on the Sunday and return them in the evening. Please let me know your thoughts.on self confidence. But that's about it bar the meltdowns. [edited by MNHQ to remove names]

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OhReallyDear · 25/11/2014 14:16

I didn't give you an advise because I can't figure out if you say

"Hey, my child behaviour is normal, but the childminder might give me her notice"

Or

"Hey, my child has a behaviour that I find worrying and my childminder might give me her notice, I don't know what to do"

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 14:13

His behaviour at school is fine. I'll book a gp appointment but I don't think it's anything medical. I'm doing a bag of worries with him tonight. To take the worries off his shoulders so to speak and help him distinguish what worries are who's.yes English is my first language. I also have fat fingers.

Oh really dear. Every child is different. My child has meltdowns it's normal for him. He's also extremely intelligent, loving and caring. Albeit a little mard. But hey thanks for the advise.

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FlorenceMattell · 25/11/2014 13:51

OP is English your first language ? Sorry but it very difficult to understand what you are trying to say. I think some of the other posters have found it difficult too.
It is very very hard being a single mum and you are obviously a caring mum who is worried about her son.
My advice would be all children are different. Sit down with your son and talk to him about life in general. Maybe take him out just the two of you. Ask for an appointment to see your sons teacher. See how his behaviour is at school. Take him to your GP for a health check up incase it is anything medical.
Hope you sort it out.

OhReallyDear · 25/11/2014 13:40

I am a bit confused. First you say that it is normal for a 7 years old to have meltdowns (it's not), that it is harder for boys to adjust to life (WTF?? It's not) then you say that your friend said that a teacher would never see a child like yours ...

So what's your point?

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 12:10

She couldn't reason with him. I understand her point of view due to there being little ones there. One of them being mine. Also think she may have been lucky with mindeea. But that's just a personal opinion.

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Sunna · 25/11/2014 12:07

Sorry, OP, I can't make head nor tail of your last 2 posts.

What are you saying - and please check that it makes sense before posting. Autocorrect is playing havoc with your posts.

nilbyname · 25/11/2014 11:55

I think a seven year old that throws a woby isn't that rare.

Is your childminder unable to cope?

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 11:39

Inching so the parties thats one point. I havnt found any fault with the cm at all. I've known her 5 years and she's amazing. But Its logistally impossible for me to drop two children at two locations.. I posted for support. I have no one to talk to.

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HSMMaCM · 25/11/2014 11:29

So, had he been staying up late at parties? Is that why?

nilbyname · 25/11/2014 11:29

I'm not sure why you've posted?

You're posts seem quite clipped and as though you've found fault with the cm.

A 7 year old having melt downs---- what does that entail?

I've seen my sons friebds lose it.... They have what is an awful lot like a temper tantrum and get sent away to cool off- then the reason they kicked off becomes apparent.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 25/11/2014 11:23

Bit of a sweeping statement that a teacher would never see a child like yours,teachers tend to be exposed to all sorts of behaviour due to the nature of the job. That's also a really unhelpful comment to make too worried parent especially from a child psychologist.

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 11:16

Oh and having talked to a freind who's a childbpsychologist shebstates it's rare teachers would ever see a child like this. My son teacher thought I was lying.

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Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 25/11/2014 11:15

Every childbirth different I have a boy and a girl. He is the most chilled out loving child until he kicks off. He's worried about not doingbgood in English literature. He's scored Joseph in the school.play and thinks all the kids will stare at him. I reassured him he isbgood and wouldn't have been chosen for it if hebwasnt. He's a bit of a perfectionist. Alot like his father. I split from my ex three years ago.

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 25/11/2014 10:55

I remember ds having plenty of tantrums at 7, it was like he had a hormone burst then it settled down again. Boundaries and more boundaries worked for us.

drinkyourmilk · 25/11/2014 10:53

Is he able to talk to you after his meltdown and explain what has upset him? You mention that you are a single mum? Is this recent? I can see that having an effect on behaviour. Its also coming to end of term-lots of kids seem to act up at this time.
I can't see many people backing the gender difference idea. Children are individuals.

Sunna · 25/11/2014 10:46

I think you will find that boys have more problems adapting to life than girls.

Bollocks. I have 2 DSs (not meltdowns aged 7) and I taught for 40 years, a lot of the time I taught 7 year olds. His behaviour is not normal for 7, it really isn't.