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Original poster

i think my au pair smacked my son

56 replies

T0R1 · 30/10/2014 23:37

Hi there, I'm having a bit of a rough time. My husband has had to go away with work for 6 months and now my situation is that I have college 2 and a half days a week, two dogs who need walking 3 times a day and our son, who is a super star and lots of fun to hang out with. Our au pair arrived before my husband suddenly had to go. He's been gone two weeks. I find our au pair demanding/bossy and has no patience with ds.

She probably does 20 - 25 hours a week at the most and practically clocks in and clocks out which is not my previous au pair experiences at all. I would take them out and pay for trips and coffees etc and not directly in exchange but if you know what I mean they would be flexible and watch ds other times (if I went for a run or popped out to the shop) without expecting anything more.

This au pair asked for more money when she had to watch ds when I was poorly the other week which really felt like a kick in the teeth to me. I said no. Anyway, I never say anything about the things I'm not happy with. At the end of the day I leave her alone with my son so I don't want to p*ss her off.

The other day I told her we couldn't afford to keep her anymore and that it was because I couldn't afford to put her on the car insurance which we needed for her to take ds to pre school from January. She talked me out of it but I can't tell if its' because life is easy for her here or if its' because she really likes us?!?!

Yesterday and today ds has pretended to smack himself whilst getting on the potty. I know she hates potty training as she's made it very clear to me. He is 3 in November and starts pre school in January. We're not rushing things, it's a fairly relaxed go at potty training. As I said, I'm fairly laid back about things. DS already poops in the toilet and she told him he wasn't to poop in the potty which I don't agree with and told her. Whatever helps to get him to wee into a potty/toilet instead of a nappy is progress. However, I think she has smacked him on the leg to make him stay on the potty.

I think i've really had enough. Even if she didn't. Thing is her flight is booked home on 28th February. I don't want to rock the boat, she is nice, I hate confrontation. I really don't know what to do. So sorry this is so so so long!!!!

(PS my husband has gone to Sierra Leone so I realise this is very much 1st world problems!!)

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3luckystars · 31/10/2014 00:09

Get rid of her tomorrow. Get someone decent for your son.

Original poster
T0R1 · 31/10/2014 00:03

@Coconutty - I tried to but although he's nearly 2 he's not saying full sentences. When we went on the dog walk when I got back from college today I asked him if he got smacked today and he said yes and I asked who smacked him and he said "what he calls the au pair" but he's little so I don't know that it's confirmation. The way he was doing it suggested to me that she had smacked him on the leg so he wouldn't get off the potty until he had wee'd - she has no patience at all.

@Quints…. Sometimes I do projects and other college stuff right through lunch and have even started eating Pot Noodles at lunch time as it's fast and easy!!! I'm 35!!!!! Ha ha! But seriously I'm thinking that as much as it will be nice to see ds at lunch time it's going to be a huge pain and also a waste of money

OP posts:
QuintsTombWithAWiew · 30/10/2014 23:56

What a mare. You need to let her go so that you find somebody else by January.

You cant focus on your studies if you need to leave college to take your child to preschool. You are right it defeats the object of having her.

Coconutty · 30/10/2014 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
T0R1 · 30/10/2014 23:51

Sorry, I didn't make it clear, she talked me out of letting her go. She's been here 2 months and has 4 to go and I didn't NEED her on the insurance until January when ds starts pre school. So she has convinced me that I can take him to pre school in my lunch break from college and she will go to. She will stay in the village where pre school is and apparently I can provide her with money to get a coffee!!! I digress. And then he finishes at 3.15 and I finish at 4 on two days of the week so I can pick them both up at 4. So I will be dropping and picking ds off every afternoon. Largely defeating the object of having anyone here at all!!! I'm doing so much at the moment I may as well be on my own.

OP posts:
CurlyWurlyCake · 30/10/2014 23:45

Oh dear. I would arrange to meet with her without DS present and tell her your concerns, keep it factual and listen to what she has to say.

Have you given her an official termination of contract, confused because her flights are booked for feb but you have told her you can't afford her due to insurance?