I have read this chain with interest, and have actually felt compelled to respond. I thought it was really interesting to see how, largely, the nannies and aupairs thought no rules should be made and the parents thought they should. Firstly, I agree that a nanny and an aupair are very different, but as in any contract of employment rules or "terms and conditions" must be put in place as otherwise there is no contract. I have found, to my cost, that what I consider as common sense is not necessarily what my aupair sees as such. As for nannies, I am surprised that any professional would not expect proper terms and conditions. Perhaps that way they might achieve the professional standing their jobs should warrant, after all what is more important to any of us than our children?
I think that in the long run having a clearly defined set of basic expectations is much the best policy, a document that all concerned have agreed to, otherwise you just end up falling out over trivia as it builds up. The point for most of us in employing help is not to end up having yet another job to do everyday in explaining what we want and how we wish our children to be treated ? that should all be agreed in advance so that both parties know what to expect, and of course this should be followed up with plenty of open and honest dialogue. If issues arise they should be discussed and resolved and not brooded upon by either party.
I was actually shocked at some of the comments from nannies, such as ?it is my house and I should be able to bring in who I like? ? I have had half my aupairs family staying in the house ? and her boyfriend, but it was all discussed first and they were invited ? this is my house ? she is living with us yes, but it is not her house and she does not have a free hand in what goes on ? if she wished to have a series of young men then she could go and use a motel, not my home, I do not control her, but I am in control of what my children are exposed to and I do not wish them to think that I would condone such behaviour, nor would I expect to meet total strangers in the morning eating my cornflakes ? of either sex ? afterall I buy the cornflakes so I should have some rights! I know this may sound prudish to some, but surely our children?s welfare is the most important issue here? As before, if this is agreed in advance then everyone knows what to expect and no one should be disappointed. If anyone applying did not like this then they need not apply!
Also, we have a rule that the aupair must not be ?hung-over? when looking after the children ? I do not think this is unreasonable ? how much fun is it for a child to play with someone who is grouchy and headachy from over indulgence? If I turned up to work in this state I would be disciplined ? and being hung-over in charge of a computer is far less dangerous than being hung-over in charge of a toddler! Of course if she wishes to do this on her days off she is more than welcome.
My advice is read carefully what you can and should expect, write down what you personally want and expect and be clear in advance. Thereafter treat each other with courtesy and respect. Having the right aupair is fantastic, but having someone who thinks that all they have to do to earn their money is be there and enjoy themselves at your expense with the children?s welfare being secondary, and any chores done with bad grace and sloppily, is absolutely horrendous. Having an aupair should be a mutually beneficial relationship. We all have things in our ?job descriptions? that we don?t like, that is life; we do them because we like the rest. It is no different in this situation. It takes time and effort, but is well worth it in the long runs as you get the sort of person you want, and not someone who is so totally selfish and unreasonable as to resent you saying what you want to happen to your own home and with regards to your children. My aupairs turn out to be friends for life I hope, who keep in touch and come back, so I do not think what I have written is unreasonable.