Nanny quit before starting because questions I asked her referee

Good lord! I too would have thought the employee was being massively over sensitive until I read the other posts.

You could have asked 'does x social life ever impinge on her working life?' but not just unrelated questions around her social life. And you just cannot ask about religion, the closest I can think of would be of part of the job was taking your children to church or equivalent, would she feel comfortable with that.

You massively overstepped and seem to not know the basics of the law, which you broke in asking those questions. I'd brush up on that ASAP if you're going to try and hire another nanny.

On the agency point - it does depend on the agency. I've been registered with 5 at varying points and only 1 has been less than thorough. However, employers won't know which agencies are thorough and which not so it is always wise to do some of their own checks too.

I once had a nanny who was Muslim, and a Lesbian. It was none of my business. It did not in any way influence the great job she did with my baby. Even if she was working while I was working from my home office (accounting). There were no overtures, no notions towards Mecca in the day, just a nanny doing a brilliant job.

It only became an issue when she moved in her stack of Lesbian porn into my friends bookshelf. (We had a nanny share - brief)
Her husband was most amused at my friends choice of reading material, even more bemused when my friend told him it was the nannys. "Cor, what do you girls get up to"

Disclaimer, this post is made tongue in cheek in disbelief at OP, nevertheless it is true.

Definitely agree chasing. And to the PP who said 'That's how you know your nanny has been more thoroughly vetted' in regards to an agency, you obviously haven't been on the nanny side of this process or you'd know that isn't true!

Agencies are great for parents who don't feel confident in which checks they should be making of a potential nanny (like you OP), but otherwise a fairly experienced/sensible employer is more than capable of doing it themselves.

All that aside, OP- you are bonkers and should not be an employer.

There is a huge false sense of security around using an agency.

Let's just get one thing straight, I've been on several agencies books at any given time and can tell you this??, a half hour interview, a quick flick through my portfolio and a call to my last job was all they did. They don't even FIND you the nanny, we go to them. They do zero let work. And cost you a bomb. It's a joke.

Are you looking for nannies or trying to hunt peds?

I think you would be happier either a nursery op. And the staff would have safety in numbers!

Batshit.

A nanny agency is not a necessity. You can check the nanny yourself just as well if not better than an agency will. It's fine if you want the security of an agency, but no-one should feel like they have to shell out thousands of pounds to find a nanny who isn't a lunatic. You can do it by yourself should you want to. Sites like this will offer help and advice on any bits you're not sure of (and for free).

What the heck was that last post from the OP all about?

Wow OP, I would totally love to be a Nanny for your family not

Your posts don't even make sense.

If you go through a nanny agency, they have already checked and interviewed the nanny. Then you (the parent) do your own checks and interviews. That's two layers of scrutiny by two independent (ie not friends of the nanny) parties. Including one (the agency) whose reputation is on the line if they screw it up.

That is why i would get a nanny through an agency. Ditto a cleaner.

Agree with others ; trust is vital for employer nanny relationship to work.
If you don't trust the nanny then use a nursery.

That has to be one of the most bizarre dates I have ever read!

Nannies usually show their passport for ID to employer and/or agency that is then checked against police records. In regards to first aid qualification a nanny should be able to provide the certificate herself.
The nanny will then provide them with written references and contact details usually of at least her last two jobs.
An agency does not do anything a parent can't do. Usually the parents will do all the same checks even if the agency has already done them.

Koala - why can't a prospective employer check qualifications and work permits? If a nanny gets her cousin to pretend to be a reference, what difference does it make if it's an employer or an agency they talk to?

Ps sure any partner isn't going to admit to a notorious drunkard and sex offender running extensive paedophile rings across the world if they are one

hollie, it's not whether a previous employer can, it's whether they did.

I would presume an agency checks a standard list of things like qualifications, work permits, First Aid Certs, etc. A previous employer might not be as thorough. Or, in fact, might not actually be a previous employer but actually the nanny's cousin telling lies for her. (This happened to someone I know.)

The point is that an agency ads an extra level of security/accountability.

Weird odd OP. of course she didn't want to work for you.

The first poster who said If she is a Muslim then it is possibly the fact you are Jewish that is the problem.

do piss off, there's a love.

Koala - what "thorough vetting" do you think an agency does that an employer can't?

I was totally about to give the OP a supportive message along the lines of "you don't need a nanny who is so massively over-sensitive to having references checked. Probably hiding something" until I found out that the OP doesn't know the basics of employment law and has such a childish sense of humour and lack of basic ability to understand others that she would be a nightmare to work for.

OP your latest post shows you really aren't suitable to be an employer. Find a nice nursery where your child will be signed on and off the premises and there is a written policy for everything. Having a nanny requires a level of trust.

Asking what religion doesn't protect against the nanny being a nutcase because there are nutcases in every religion whether christian, muslim, Jewish or cult of the flying spaghetti monster (which has some perfectly nice reliable and non-nutty adherents) so asking what religion remains out of bounds and none of your business, your question is "is this person a raving nutcase" which can be answered without reference to religious persuasion. Likewise asking about her partner remains out if bounds because unless you intend to also check up on her father, brothers, flatmates, neighbours and friends it is no protection so if you really feel you can't trust her to judge which of her acquaintances might reasonably have contact with the children then you simply lay down a ground rule that the children are not to have contact with her acquaintances without you having a chance to vet them - but that's something you talk to the nanny about, not her referee.

So glad that this girl found out about your attitude before starting work.

And the nanny didn't want to work for you?! I can't imagine why

I think the earlier posts branding the nanny sensitive/entitled/lucky escape etc. may want to rethink. Maybe shouldn't judge someone's response to questions before you even know what the questions were?

I don't get all of op's jokey replies

Is she trying to be funny

Yes you can ask personal questions if you feel you have the right to know the answers and makes an impact on whether you hire the nanny

But you ask the nanny !!!!

And yes mn can be such a supportive place. Woolly hugs proves that as does secret Santa

The support and caring that an Internet site gave me after dh died was amazing. Total strangers who donate knit and send to those who need it

You had some sympathy with your first post OP. Your post mentioning anal sex was inappropriate, your most recent post is completely over the top and makes you look like a raving lunatic. I think the nanny has had a lucky escape.