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Original poster

Kids saying that the nanny has called them stupid??!!

42 replies

Minki · 29/09/2014 13:18

We have a new nanny who started with us almost a month ago. She seems quite good and had good references and experiences. The children seemed ok with her to begin with but over the last few days have said they don't like her (they have said that about nannies before), that she is the worst nanny they have ever had (they have not said that before) and that she calls them stupid! The first two comments I understand but I am very worried by the third comment as it is not ok for anyone to call them stupid. Not sure what to do though will obviously have to raise this with her and see what she says. The children (aged 6 and 4) are quite naughty/high spirited but they don't usually lie. There have been a few other niggles, in that she leaves the lounge and their rooms messy and she also just texted to tell me that she cannot work on Thursday as she has an appointment somewhere. Bit strange really that she would "tell me" rather than "ask me" given that she is only a few weeks into the job and employed as an after-school nanny. I should be able to take Thursday afternoon off but wouldn't usually be able to on such short notice. Starting to get a bad feeling about this, or am I being paranoid?

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Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 14:30

And I asked her to not work for one afternoon on one occasion and told her why (dad had asked to see them) and that going forward it would be fixed at 3-7pm every day. I thought that she would have had a tiny amount of goodwill rather than reacting like this, if that is what she is doing. She was very keen for the job and had been massively underpaid by her previous employer who was not paying tax or NI. I have already paid her 2k for September so really think that losing 1 afternoon is not significant.

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ArcheryAnnie · 29/09/2014 14:26

I don't think it will, and I doubt it will with anyone else, either. You say that you've had bad luck with other nannies, but I suspect it has to do with what you offer as an employer. A good employer-employee contract is a partnership, and if you expect flexibility from someone but are cross if they want flexibility in return, then it isn't a partnership.

Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 14:21

Yes, but I also need flexibility and made it very clear that I would need more/less hours with v little notice. I expressly said that I will pay her for 20 hours a week but not more and that everything else is a bonus as I did not want her starting then leaving as not enough hours. She was fine with this. I often have to work late and so will be back from work late, often with very little notice. I need her to be on time though! How is that going to work? It's not I guess.

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ArcheryAnnie · 29/09/2014 14:14

I wouldn't like the "stupid" thing.

But on the hours working thing - if you are messing her about at short notice with working hours, then you have set the standard which says that working hours are flexible, and she, too, can change working hours at short notice. If you want a nanny (this nanny, or any subsequent nanny) to be reliable as an employee, you have to show yourself reliable as an employer.

Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 14:06

And yes, of course they would rather have me at home, and I would rather be at home looking after them but sadly that's not possible. They have not liked nannies in the past but just minor grumbles but they have never said that a nanny has called them stupid before.

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Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 14:04

I don't want to give her a contract until she has worked a few weeks. Legally I have a month to give her a contract. I didn't actually know his routine until the day he started although I knew it would be staggered/irregular. I gave her a copy of it as soon as I got it so she knew the hours when I did. Asking her to not work one afternoon came about because their dad (who usually sees them at the weekends) asked to see them in the week as he was away at the weekend. He often mucks me around or gives me short notice regarding access but I try to accommodate him otherwise he wouldn't see the kids. I didn't really want to pay for a nanny for 6 hours when the kids were with their dad, and felt that I had already paid her in excess of the number of hours we had agreed, so didn't feel too bad asking her to not work. I don't mind her taking this Thursday off at short notice but am worried if it is a sign of a bad attitude /tit for tat, or her thinking she can take holiday whenever she likes. Point taken that she is only working few hours and so may not have time to tidy up. And yes, I would expect her to get the kids to tidy up after themselves so it's not even that she has to do it.

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Unexpected · 29/09/2014 13:55

I would have given her a contract before she started work, that's only fair. You knew your child's reception routine beforehand so I think asking her not to work one day at short notice should have been avoidable. If you have asked her at short notice, she probably thinks it is acceptable to give you similarly short notice. I would be very careful about approaching the stupid comment. If they have said they don't like nannies before, is this just an extension of that behaviour? Would they rather have some other care/you at home? I also think you have to be careful about what you ask of an after-school nanny in terms of tidying etc. We had years of after-school nannies who worked mostly from 3.15 to 6.30. By the time they got home, had a snack and changed clothes, did reading, spellings etc and had a bit of playtime/TV, it was time to get dinner ready. I would quite often come home to messy rooms because nanny wouldn't have time to tidy the mess the DS made while she was getting dinner and she would usually only have time to wash up/tidy kitchen afterwards before I got home. Are the children helping to tidy their own mess?

Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 13:44

Yes, I will do a one month review before I give her the contract. The contract I was going to give her doesn't mention extra hours. I have told her I will need additional hours in the holidays.

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Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 13:43

I did ask her nicely about taking last wednesday afternoon off though and said, is that ok etc? She seemed fine with it.

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guitarosauras · 29/09/2014 13:42

Can you suggest a one month review?
Ask her how she thinks things are going and if she has any concerns and then you tell her your views.

What does your contract say about notice on extra hours?

Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 13:41

Yes, maybe she is, which is fine. I have not given her her contract yet (need to this week) but this month has been weird as my youngest as been doing strange hours at school, e.g. 9-12 some days, 9-1 others, 9-3pm other days, which I told her about and made clear that I am only guaranteeing her 20 hours a week but for the first few weeks needed extra hours. Last week she still earnt £220 per week so in excess of the 20 hours /£200 per week that will go into her contract.

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stargirl1701 · 29/09/2014 13:41

Called them stupid or used the word stupid? There's a difference in saying You are so stupid to What a stupid thing to do. Children can struggle with this. I have seen this a few times as a teacher.

Kewcumber · 29/09/2014 13:37

If you gave her short notice not to work last week one day then I think its fair game that she gives you short notice this week and maybe she's making that point.

Don't you have a contract which agrees what notice you have to give each other for hours worked if you don't have fixed working hours in place?

Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 13:30

Thanks DrPepper. I am a bit irritated and don't want to start off on the wrong foot with her. Could it be though because I asked her, on fairly short notice, not to work last Wednesday? I am basically employing her as an after-school nanny for 20 hours a week but told her I needed her for extra hours in the first month as my youngest only start reception properly today (staggered intake etc). She worked 40 hours the first two weeks but only 22 hours last week as their dad ended up taking them one afternoon. Maybe she is pissed off about that as she thought she would work 40 again.

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Original poster
Minki · 29/09/2014 13:25

Thanks Iggly. So you would raise it in a casual way rather than asking her directly about it? Feel completely doomed with nannies. Things always seem to go tits up.

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MildDrPepperAddiction · 29/09/2014 13:24

All children lie. It's part of development. They may or may not be lying about this.

Do you have references? Can you check with them whether this type of thing went on?

Speak to the nanny. It may have been a 'don't be silly/stupid' type comment instead of a direct insult.

As for the telling you part, you are right. She needs to ASK leave/time off. I would be irritated by this.

Talk to her and be honest. Don't dismiss your children's feelings. But don't let them make decisions either.

Iggly · 29/09/2014 13:22

Not paranoid no.

I would have a chat with her - explain what you expect her to do. Also ask her about the stupid comment e.g. the DCs were using the word stupid, I've told them it isn't nice, do you know where they've got it from...? Watch her reaction.