Nanny wants to take extra leave in term time but already used allowance for year

I would do it face to face and tbh I would be giving her a verbal warning over it. She's testing your sanity and if you carry on like this, all the goodwill will be gone anyway.

Can DH not speak with her?

Definitely say no, she;s taking the piss and you need to put your foot down. You sound like jollly decent employers to me and she's trying to exploit you.

Anbu at all

YANBU, say no.

I get frustrated with those phrases that seems to have become so popular over the last few years:

'it doesn't hurt to ask' or 'if you don't ask you don't get' kind of thinking...

It does hurt to ask, as it shows no respect for original agreements and it seems like the person is just waiting to take advantage if they can.

I think showing respect and understanding of the employers needs and situation tends to create a much nicer working environment based on trust and mutual understanding. I like to be very generous to people who deserve it. I don't like having to constantly enforce and guard my boundaries as the other person is trying to grab whatever they want. Not likely to engender respectful and harmonious working relationship.

I know I sound old but really, the breathtaking sense of entitlement of younger people just winds me up - crass and self serving. Bah humbug!

Start looking now, it's not that long until feb and you can take your time finding the right recplacement

Disagree with posters saying it doesn't hurt to ask. You say you were very clear in the requirements when you hired her so she's showing a real lack of commitment and understanding of what her job is there to do.

Personally, I'd start looking for another nanny

She is proposing to ask another Mum to look after your 3 children so she can go to a concert. On top of their own children. FFS

Or is she proposing to farm all three of them out to three separate parents, presumably for you to pick up on your way home.

Err - that would be a big fat NO from me. If she has screwed up her entitlement for this year by badly managing it then frankly it's tough.

We'd all like extra paid leave, nature abhores a vaccuum and all that.

There are options - she accepts a lower annual salary in return for additional leave [assuming you can manage the gaps] next year. You vet a reliable babysitter who can cover the odd day here and there [which I would recommend from the sound of her anyway] to cover sickness/random days off.

Final option - Net cost of the day off comes out of her salary or she pays to you. An emergency nanny from in London London is circa 20 phr to cover taxes, transport etc. You'll soon see how keen she is to see Kanye West or whoever.

New contract for next year I think. Min notice periods for requesting days off and an absence/sickness payment policy if you don't have one in place already.

I would remind her that she's already had an "exceptional" holiday for this year, one that did totally inconvenience you.

All that said, I'd also remind yourselves that you do require a lot of flexibility from her if one of us travels then overtime required. Perhaps you need to give her the option of time in lieu instead of payment at the time? Overtime banked could be used against a babysitter cost.

Is this her first/one of her first jobs, OP? The reason I ask is inexperience in a workplace is often responsible for 'not getting' that taking extra leave isn't just about taking being paid or not paid by your employer for a day off.

She possibly doesn't have a concept of what your working culture is like (that it puts you at risk of looking unprofessional as a knock-on of making the request). It also sounds like she doesn't realise it reflects on you (negatively, probably) if she asks another mother to cover her for a 'jolly'.

If it was me as a SAHM being asked by your nanny to look after your kids so she could have a day off to go to a concert and you could keep your holiday allowance, I would be pretty unimpressed to be 'used' like that (an emergency or sickness would be quite a different thing). I'm not saying that you are asking that - as obviously you are not - but I think she is putting you in an unfavourable light by even asking other mother's to cover without your permission...

Can you explain the full impact of her request for extra leave when refusing? She really might not be thinking beyond her own convenience. If she doesn't get it after that then I'd look for a new nanny.

I agree with the consensus. The answer unfortunately is no, can't be done due to all the reasons you have listed above.

If there is a compromise on any of the days then offer the compromise, otherwise you are going to have to turn her request down and accept that she may give notice.

Say no. You have granted her one favour already. If she quits, yes, you're in trouble but if she unreasonable enough to quit over this she'll quit over something else sooner or later anyway.

Id also say no. explain that in your job, you do not have any flexibility to do her a favour, and you were quite clear with her about your requirements for no leave in term time. Id also remind her that you have already been flexible for her big holiday, and so she cannot just have more leave because she wants it - the real world doesn't work that way. Be firm.

I would just say no.

I would then talk to her about future networking with other nannies (a maximum of two others, obviously with children and parents you like) to build up options for the future.

Just say "no, that doesn't work for us we don't have that flexibility with our jobs"

Agree you should say no. You were very clear in your recruitment procedure about holidays and she agreed with that. She has already used up her "exceptional circumstances" clause for this year (albeit it wasn't exceptional circumstances at all). Yes, you have the fear she might quit if you say no but she is surely unlikely to intentionally make herself unemployed without a job to go to over something like that? Remember she needs a reference from you as well - you can't give her a bad reference but if future employers ask why she left, you are perfectly within your rights to give the true reason. How is that going to help her get a job in future?

Have always said don't ask don't get but seems she is asking a lot esp if job and contract stated no holidays in term time

Simply say no. If she leaves then she is silly. Unpaid leave is good under normal circumstances if gone over holidays but not when asking when not meant to take holidays

Yes you could get a temp - but why should you

And you never know if a nanny /employer will quit so anyone may have to recruit/find a new job/nanny if notice is given either side

How long has nanny been with you?

I was agreeing that it's fine to say no.
I don't agree that being put in a position of having to say no is "awful". If you declining to do her a second massive favour actually damages the relationship you need to recruit someone more sane anyway.

Of either having to say no...tired!!

The problem with the " it doesn't hurt to ask approach" is that it then puts the OP in the awful position of having to say no, and risk employee relationship, and say yes and cause herself stress and inconvenience that she pays a lot of money to avoid.