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Original poster

Au Pair and Food!

56 replies

OvertiredandConfused · 05/09/2014 09:23

We have a great new au pair for DC 11 and 13 - so more of a taxi driver, big sister, provider of meals etc. She's been here for about a month - longer if you count the two week break where she chose to holiday separately rather than join us.

As with many people, our monthly budget is fairly tight. We're better than many, but not lots of spare cash and counting the pennies very carefully towards payday.

Since our au pair came, our food budget has rocketed. Typically, we'd expect to see an increase of about £15-20 to add in another adult plus a few foods the AP especially likes for lunches etc. That's par for the course and I encourage our APs to tell me what they'd like - it's their home too etc, etc. Usually, when cooking, we cook for 6 and then there is a portion left that sometimes is eaten by the AP at lunch and sometimes taken to work by me or DH.

However, the current lovely AP is a big girl and she eats a LOT. I did my main weekly shop last Saturday (Friday today) with another coming today.

I did a top-up shop on Tuesday and the cupboards and fridge are still bare this morning. Plus there are no leftovers for anyone to have at lunchtime.

As an example, she's eaten 8 eggs, three packets of ham, a packet of bacon, 3 cartons of OJ, 3/4 of a roast chicken, 6 apples,and the homemade brownies that usually last a good week that were made on Tuesday have all gone. For her lunch she says she has a salad and some soft fruit with yoghurt and breakfast is muesli (that I buy for her as no-one else eats it) so what I have outlined is on top of the food that I'd normally expect IYSWIM.

We were hoping to have a family curry out this evening (and include AP, as we always do) but we can't afford it as I've spent £50 more on food this week than I usually do when we have an AP.

Do I need to just suck it up or could I say something? If so, what? I reckon the next few days are my only chance if I do want to say anything as after that will be too late. We've talked about reviewing things generally this weekend now the school routine is re-established.

Everything else is great so I do realise we may need to adapt, but it will impact on what we can do as a family a bit so I thought I'd ask.

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Original poster
OvertiredandConfused · 05/09/2014 16:49

Thanks for the replies. She's been an au pair before, has also lived away from home when not au pairing and is 23. It's just that she likes her food. As I said, she is a big girl - about a size 22. That's her choice and no judgement / disapproval from me in terms of her choices, just wondering how much it's reasonable for me to fund!

I am going to do a more detailed weekly plan, specify what we need other than for the main evening meal and then ask what she thinks she needs for her breakfast and lunch. I'll make sure portion sizes available for her are the same size as my DH. I'll also highlight a space, in the fridge and cupboards, where she can keep anything else "if she fancies treating herself". Hope that works.

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HarrietdeBagotSoay · 05/09/2014 14:04

Teh other thing is, if this is the first time she's lived apart from her family, whe may have no idea what things cost and how people plan their lives to get to the end of the week w/o having to go to the store every single day. One of our au pairs used to present me with shopping lists in December thta included fresh berries and smoked salmon (for her toast). Some stuff we just ignored, but she would also do things like drink all the milk, leaving DH to rush to corner shop for the breakfast stuff the next morning, come down and make herself cereal without the least bit of thought how this gallon of milk appeared again, as if by magic.

HarrietdeBagotSoay · 05/09/2014 13:57

This comes up from time to time; you'll get a variety of responses.

Eating loads (or not much, either extreme) can be a sign of homesickness; it may taper off on its own. Does your AP have much going on during the day? Is there any chance this is sort of boredom eating? Does she seem otherwise happy?

I think you should tell her you're organising yourself by doing a meal plan for the week and you need xyz items to last for all of you during the course of that week. If the ham and apples were also meant to be part of the DCs packed lunches then add those into the meal plan too.

Can you do the thing people often suggest and buy in other items like pasta to top up?

I know it's not fun for the rest of you but for other items like the orange juice you may need to go to a system where it's just not replaced after you've bought the quantities you think are reasonable for the week.

I do think what you've described, if it has been over a seven day period, is not showing particular consideration to other members of the household, in pareticular the person who is organising the meals for everyone!

LondonLocal · 05/09/2014 13:41

I once as an Au Pair was told that I was eating the wrong foods (eg Fathers pizzas etc) and should just eat sandwiches, and I felt so incredibly awkward after that I felt like I didn't want to eat anything in their house again.

So phrase it nicely!

Maybe suggest that she has a shelf in the fridge for any extras she wants to buy?

Original poster
OvertiredandConfused · 05/09/2014 11:38

No room for a fridge. Could maybe identify more clearly how long I expect to go before shopping again and what is needed for family meals. If I also ask her for a list of food she needs for breakfast and lunch and then offer her somewhere to keep an extras she chooses to buy herself, would that be fair?

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should · 05/09/2014 09:28

That sounds very awkward!

Can you get a little fridge for her room? Then say she can eat meals with you as a family but anything extra she buys herself on top and keeps separately.