Au Pair and Food!

I dot actually think that breakfast is that big. Ok bigger than our usual but ds is 4 and this morning had yogurt with 3 different type of berries, then slice toast with cream cheese and boiled egg. He's underweight if anything. From above she basically has large bowl fruit with yogurt, then x2 pieces toast. Not extra ordinarily huge

I think it would be unfair to expect her to provide 'normal' food for herself even if she eats a lot. It's part of the deal of being exempt from minimum wage legislation that you provide food and lodgings. However, it's not unreasonable to expect her to buy her own treats.

I am still stunned at the quantity of food that my teens can eat. It's staggering. I love my food but they can eat twice the size meals that I can eat.

My teens are all slim too.

I think you should try cooking bigger meals and see if that helps.

Do make sure there's enough food she can have freely, though - even if it's bulking out food like bread/pasta/cereals. Also that the portion sizes are definitely enough for her, even if it's more than your husband eats. Men only tend to eat more than women because they tend to be bigger. The number of calories you need to stay the same (and feel you've had enough to eat) increases with size. So a big girl will need to eat a lot in order not to feel hungry, possibly more than a slim, average-height man.

I'm as tall as most men, and need to eat as much as my DH normally, and when I was pregnant I was STARVING all the time. But when we were away from home I felt too awkward to ask for more except some extra bread, say. After a few times, when we went to visit people I used to bring food with me (hidden in my bag). I hope I never get outed: MIL would be absolutely horrified to think I ever left her table hungry, let alone while I was pregnant!

But I'll never forget how horrible it was to not get enough to eat at a meal.

OK, being pregnant is a bit of a special case, but I imagine that feeling underfed is always completely horrible.

many many years ago when I was an au pair, we had the rule that I ate the 3 meals with the family. anything else I had to buy (and pay for) myself.

I think that's excessive, our au pair eats with us a couple of times a week, but the rest of the time she buys her own food (through a supermarket gift card that I top up when needed). Our last au pair spent £15/week on food, the current one spends about £25/week I don't put a limit on it as I don't want someone to be hungry. She has her own kitchenette in her flat.

One of the school mums suggested before I had my first au pair, that we didn't choose someone who was significantly overweight as they eat too much. I know its not very PC to suggest that, but I also have issues with having a role model for the children, who is very overweight.
I am not someone who finds it easy to stay at my size 10 and I would always like to have an au pair who feels that its important and healthy to stay at an acceptable weight.

Should - I don't think it's necessarily where someone shops but what they choose to eat. We eat mainly paleo here so for example some peoples lunch would be cheese sandwich, we have something like chicken/ salmon and veg/ salad. It costs more admittedly

wouldn't d'oh!

£50 per person! Where do you shop!

I shop in discount supermarkets with the odd bit from somewhere more expensive - budgeting around £30 per week for ds and I. I would expect another adult in my house to more than double the budget!

We had an au pair who ate a lot and that did cost us a lot, and I'm talking about £70 top up two times a week. We simply sat her down and told her the truth - your eating has cost us more than your weekly pocket money. explained the money situation and got her to plan every meal for the next week and stick to it. everything extra must be paid by you. After that, no more top ups and our budget was back on track

We do spend approx £50 per person here.

However maybe you could go half way? I think £15 extra is quite low and only accounts if you always eat bulk made meals together. As she's making own lunch and presumably eats separately some eves/ maybe at weekend I think it's harder to stick to that budget

5 people eating bulk bolognaise and porridge made in one pan -£15 extra ok

4 people eating above, plus one making own meals 1/2 time -£30 ish more realistic

Also consider what is normal in her home country, ie if warm peaches probably super cheap, she might not realise how much more here especially out of season. Can you ask her to do a food shop on ocado or in supermarket keeping to x budget for family for week to allow her to see actual costs?

Oh and I am in a very expensive area in the South East.

Holy quad that is a huge amount of money my budget for me, DD and the au pair is £50 per week in total. We live reasonably well on that. I increased the budget by £20 per week when the AP arrived.
I have a shelf in the fridge that is free/ lunch food and she knows what dry goods are free food.

£50 is a lot of food for just one person if you are cooking in bulk for a family. There are 2 adults and 2 children in our house and we spend maybe a maximum of £100 to feed all of us. And we live down south in a relatively expensive area.
Not really sure what difference it makes as far as cost goes. Surely tesco prices are the same wherever you are.
I like the stickers idea. Or allocating her a space in the fridge/cupboards for her stuff. You provide some and then once it's gone she has to sort herself out.

Bloody hell HolyQuad that is a lot per person.

I'm not good at meal planning or anything like some mumsnetters seem to be, but we spend around £100 to £120 per week for all food for 2 adults, 2 teenagers (who eat more) and a nine year old, plus 2 cats and a dog!

I would have thought allowing an extra £15 or £20 to weekly shop would be more than adequate for the OP

We have a situation at home which warrants 6 staff members coming and going at various times and having access to everything we eat as a family so I seem to cook for about 9 at each meal time which is ok as its what Ive always done.

It was never a problem till recently when the arrival of a new member of staff seemed to coincide with cries from everyone of - what happened to such and such that was in the fridge, or where the hell did that all go? It was an awful situation to be in because food is life and how do you go about saying to someone - Im sorry but you're not the only one who likes x y or z so please dont eat it all?

I was mortified and just didn't know what to do so I took the cowards way out and started putting things in the fridge in boxes with labels on them saying ingredients for tomorrows lunch/dinner, snack, help yourself, for so and so when they come on duty, for me, - the list of labels was bloody endless truth be told but it didnt need done for long. A couple of weeks in and the message had obviously got across and things settled down.

I still dont know how I would have actually said - please stop being so unreasonable because whilst help yourself to whatever you fancy generally does mean help yourself to whatever you fancy, there is usually an element of politeness in the situation that means a person doesn't go overboard and eat everyone else in the house out of house and home.

I was quite disgusted by the way the person went about it. It showed a distinct lack of good manners.

the friends with husbands and 1/2 small children would spend £200 per week and that is budget for, not spending willy nilly.

Yes, I think so.
And I know so. I did say depending on the area. The au-pair is a grown up, a child could be allocated less.

Round where we live the food budget is exactly that. DD and I use £100 per week and I have to be careful to stick to it, easy to spend more.

Holy - do you really think £50 per week is what people spend on shopping per household member? That would mean I should spend £200 per week for me, dh and 2 adult dc's when I actually spend around £100 and we eat well - and that includes cleaning products, shampoo etc but no alcohol.

I find it surprising you expected £15 more a week to feed an extra person. I'd factor in around £50 depending on where you live.

I'd say to her that weekly food budget is so and so per person and you can't spare more than that. If she eats up her share, she has to feed herself for the rest if the week. To manage that you could say that usually you'd have 2 slices if toast for breakfast, breast of chicken with sone salad for lunch, etc. and if she feels that's not enough fir her, she will need to buy more herself.

I find it surprising you expected £15 more a week to feed an extra person. I'd factor in around £50 depending on where you leave.

I'd say to her that weekly food budget is so and so per person and you can't spare more than that. If she eats up her share, she has to feed herself for the rest if the week. To manage that you could say that usually you'd have 2 slices if toast for breakfast, breast of chicken with sone salad for lunch, etc. and if she feels that's not enough fir her, she will need to buy more herself.

Brilliant idea jendot !

Stickers..... Buy 2 colours. One is do not eat as is for a meal, another is eat but only a small amount as must last the week or need some for breakfast etc, no sticker is FREE eat...eat all you want. Leave stickers off bread, biscuits, yoghurts, crisps, eggs, cheaper foods etc
Works really well if explained properly.

Could you buy a load of value stuff in ? So if she drinks tonnes of orange juice it won't cost as much if it's the value stuff, ditto bread

We kinda did the same for our last aupair, she used to with us but decided we ate too early for her so I used to write down what she wanted for lunch and dinner and she had a section of the fridge and she used to cook for herself (about 10 which is random) she found the £1 shop so I gave her £10 a week extra and she spent it on junk and ate until it was all gone !