nightmare with au pair and she has been here less than a week

Fried - always pay in arrears!

I think you'll feel better in yourself if you just ask (tell) her to go.

find another au pair and start again

Your ex sounds horrible.

Write down what you want to say to her, if you think it might be difficult. Put down everything, even if you're not going to say it, stuff like "I am not paying you £100 a week to be on fucking holiday, love." Then sleep on it, edit it and say it to her in the morning when you wake her up. Tell her that if she doesn't pull her finger out, she will be out of a job and somewhere to stay by the weekend. That might focus her mind...

Crossed posts by seconds. I was right about your relationship with ex he sounds a bully

If you really can't stomach her then she needs to go but again you can just turf her out without explanation or somewhere to go

I don't understand why you didn't knock on her door at 8.01 and get her downstairs to work. Surely you didn't leave at 8am to buy uniforms?

Why does she have tomorrow off?

How old are your children? If can both cook do they need an ap? Maybe you would be better off with a nanny if you can't give directions as an ap needs some input

Are you children at school today? Or why did you only want her to work 8/9 - did she understand this?

And those who are saying man up etc - have some sympathy. Sounds like op has just got rid of an ex and possibly a bit wobbly and if a bitter split up then the dad may not be supportive

Some people like me just come Out with stuff. Blunt I've been told lol - but others find it hard to confront people but either way op something has to be done so if tomorrow is her day off???? Then talk to her at dinner /when you see her and go over role ie write down hours and duties and what you expect from her. If she doesn't comply then tell her she needs to go by weekend

I feel like there is more to this, though. OP, you sound stressed and unhappy. Do you have a good friend nearby who could meet with you, and speak to your au pair with you?
I think sometimes we can be a bit British about paying for help (I definitely do this) and get all embarrassed about being clear about what we want. There is obviously no objective reason to be embarrassed by a conversation which goes, "these are your hours, these are my expectations, let's have a chat at the end of the day and see how they've been met'.
But the references to your ex are perplexing from the outside - but obviously really bothering you.
Please get some support from real life people who care about you. I mean that in a v supportive way.

What are all these days off about? Why did she need two days, plus a weekend off, after her arrival? Where was she coming from - another galaxy?! And why is tomorrow a scheduled day off? How many days are you expecting her to work for you? How did she end up in bed until 1 p.m. today? Why did you not knock on her door and tell her to get up? So many questions, so much confusion!

It's nothing to do with your ex-husband. Man up and either get rid of her or get her to do her job. I think your ex will have much bigger issues if you allow this woman to walk all over you, rather than dealing with it firmly now.

Don't wake her up. Get her up at 7.00am in the morning and be firm. Tell her "You need to do x and x and if you can't then you need to be out by 6.00pm."

ex

ex

ex

What the hell has it got to do with him - tell him to mind his own business and stop letting him control you.

Put your Big Girl Pants on and knock on her door tomorrow morning at 7. Tell her yesterday became her day off and she either gets downstairs by 8 and ready to pull her weight or she has her bags ready and you'll take her to the station.

If you have two kids able to cook dinner - do you need an au pair?

Don't worry about the ex, speak to the au pair. Why didn't you go and wake her up and give her a list of jobs to be done?

OP - Im sorry to be blunt but you need to "man up".

Go to her now and ask her outright "Do you actually want this job?"

Point out that because she hasn't worked so far you are expecting her to forfeit her day off and start to pull her weight. Ask her to set an alarm for 8am tomorrow and meet you in the kitchen to receive a list of chores.

If she's not in the kitchen by 8.15am she must leave immediately as she is not fulfilling her part of your contract.

I'm sorry but she's walking all over you.

Assuming your ex no longer lives with you, then this has fuck all to do with him.

What's it got to do with your ex - unless he is paying? Without sounding horrible you really need to just deal with this - either find out what her problem is and get her working or get rid of her .

But if she's in your home you can't just chuck her & her belongings out without at least speaking to her first. Get it over with - go upstairs now, knock on the door & ask her downstairs for a chat. Give her the 8am tomorrow deadline ready & willing to work or you'll be dropping her at the airport by midday. The thought of it will invariably be worse than the conversation itself & you can't ignore it/her & hopes she disappears

Your ex's opinion is meaningless.

He is your ex

How he feels is not relevant.

I'd ask her if she was ill. And does she realise what her hours are. TBH you'd be better just calling it a day. Sounds like she is going to be very hard work indeed. If you don't want to discuss it with her which is quite understandable then just say this isn't working is it. And tell her to make arrangements to move out sharpish. Don't let it carry on however much you feel like not facing it.

Then you will have someone in your house, taking the piss and winding you up and you'll get madder and madder that you are paying someone £100 a week to have a nice holiday and make more work for you.

That's not what you want.

Is there anyone who can help you to tell her what you need to tell her? Or would you feel more comfortable giving her a note? It's not ideal, but it's better than bending over and taking it up the arse.

I understand that more conflict is probably the last thing you want, but the situation is what it is and it's probably not going to resolve itself. You're going to feel shitty about yourself if you don't deal with it. Is there anything at all that you think might help you to deal with her?

alcohol, spade and a hole in the back garden..

If you're not prepared to even talk to her I'm not sure you are in the best place to have a live-in employee

You just cant face it?

So what, carry on paying her to eat your food and sleep in your bed? Why not do her laundry and take her to the spa as well.

Whilst I'm sure you just want her out, I can't understand your reluctance to at least have it out with her as she's living under your roof & being paid for a job she's not even attempting to do . You need to ask directly why wasn't she up for work on time? Why are the DC cooking dinner when this is part of her clear-cut duties? Basically wtf is going on - I'd give her 24 hours to prove you wrong otherwise tell her she will be out before the weekend.

Au pairs are not trained childcarers or housekeepers - they need lots of direction. You need to sit down with them and explain what she needs to do on a daily basis. With mine its taken a good couple of weeks to a month before they can do most things competently.

I suspect that you have been a little bit too friendly, though, it is different with an au pair they are not employees, but you still need to assume the upper hand.

I had a little look at your previous posts (and in a very nice way) think you need to just be a little bit more assertive in your life....you could maybe start with sending this au pair home.

I would tell her that she either needs to be downstairs and ready to work by 8am tomorrow, or you'll drive her straight back to the airport and she can use her wages for a flight home.