Child extremely upset at au pair leaving

i didnt see the post that got deleted before it got deleted iyswim

but i do kinda agree with that poster in the fact that a 7y shouldnt be crying theirselves to sleep every night over their au apair and possibly could be something else bothering her

yes its nice they got on so well but she has to learn that people move on

agree also keeping in daily contact is prolonging the pain, but fine to say write letters or skpe once a week but blondes hates skping anyway

I think bkkl has a really good point too maybe she's just missing a close relationship with another person. They're not at school at the moment as well so she doesn't have the closeness of her friends either.

Our children have enjoyed talking to the new au pair over the past couple of weeks over Skype.

I also think sometimes criticism of other people's parenting methods is a good thing, its very acceptable to condone misguided parenting methods that benefit the parent rather than the child.
I suspect my son would have had a better reception year, had a couple of the parents not subscribed the the unconditional/attachment parenting philosophy.

Good post from bbkl - wish we could like on here as on Facebook.

Morethan you are not telling the truth though. The 'truth hurts' argument would be relevant if what you said was true, but it clearly isn't, so what we're left with is just hurt and that is nasty.

...unless you were talking about someone else hahah

I think that's unfair

Never let it be said that attachment parenting advocates are judgemental about other parenting styles.

I think to accuse someone of not raising their own child, suggesting they don't even know who their mother is is very nasty, I'm not sure why you even think that's ok to say...the fact the OPs DD is sad, isn't because she is a bad mother at all, I've never heard so much shit!

Yes we disagree massively.

ACM88

We will have to agree to disagree then.
Yes I do think it healthy for dc to bond with other adults, but not to the extent they continually cry themselves to sleep at night.
I think some people prefer to see the truth, facts as nasty or cruel because they don't like to hear the truth tbh.
Anyway, have added my comments now after reading the OP.

morethanpotatoes

I don't know anything about you or your life, but do you not encourage your children to have bonds with other adults? Having looked after other peoples children for nearly ten years now, it's so so important that children feel attachments to adults other than their mom or dad. Let's face it, lots of people not just have to work, but want to, and if that parent is able to find someone who their child loves, they are not doing their child a disservice at all, quite the opposite in fact.

Did you never have an attachment to school teacher? Or neighbour? It's incredibly selfish and detrimental to prevent your child from bonding with other adults.

What you said, whether you consider it to be truthful, was just nasty, and cruel. Actually I believe it to be completely incorrect. It was unnecessary, and when you can see the OP is clearly upset, it seems to me all you wanted to do was deliberately torment someone further. You can't dress up nastiness as "the truth" when it's not.

Completely skirting over morethanpotatoes ridiculous post (that isn't in anyway true OP) it's wonderful that your DD had such an amazing attachment to au pair, you obviously made a good choice for your family.

One thing I would say, and it mirrors some of the other posters thoughts, in order to help DD why not perhaps limit contact to once a week, and rather than just Skype, perhaps encourage writing letters, and sending pictures. As she is 7yrs old, it will be lovely to have a pen pal, and the friendship can still be special and sacred to her, but not too overwhelming, that impacts daily.
You may have to double check this is ok with au pair first.

Try use this as a good opportunity to talk about wherever it is that au pair lives, if you are happy to visit in October, that would be lovely. I suppose in a way you would if you were grieving, you try to find the good, and turn it around.
Hope that makes sense!

Morethan what you've said isn't true. The au pair was there for one academic year. The child is 7. Basic maths will tell you that the au pair has not raised the child. Basic psychology (and conmon sense) will tell you that a child can be attached to more than one person at a time. What you've said is both incorrect and nasty.

Think there is a troll on here - reported

Sorry, but sometimes the truth isn't very nice.
A parent should be able to manage their own child so they aren't crying about an au pair leaving.
of course I haven't anything against au pairs, wouldn't use one myself but each to their own.
As far as treating the au pair as a member of the family, all well and good, but isn't that what your parents are family
Of course though you say it how it is and you are talking bull shit, or being rude, some people are so touchy and don't like the truth, methinks.

Wow morethan, how rude are you?

I've never read such a bull shit post towards another mother on here. What an absolute joke that because her daughter has become attached to another female the OP is at fault and should feel guilty.

More than potatoes your post is not very nice. Of course OP has bonded with her own child .

You clearly have a problem with mums using au pairs. Children who have au pairs actually gain life skills from learning about other cultures and languages.
The OP is very clearly the best kind of au pair employer as she treated the au pair as part of the family .

It might be that they just connected in a special way. If you're a childcarer or family that uses childcare there are lots of comings and goings, relationships etc., but only occasionally will you really connect with someone. So you might find she's fine when future au pairs leave.

I think Peter is right and you need to ask the au pair. If she is happy to stay in contact, I'd keep it up. If she isn't keen then you need to start weaning DD away from her.

Have you asked the AP for her views on this? As a young adult, does she want to keep in touch with a 7 year old? I would look to base decisions on ongoing contact on what the AP wants, as she has effectively left your lives now, rather than on what your DD wants.

Did the AP feel pressurised into offering her a visit because your DD went on and on about how she missed the AP, for example?

I think you should let them meet at half term . Maybe your daughter and au pair just get on very well and have special friendship. Would be a shame to loose it.
You might find that relationship with future au pairs
Is not so intense.
Floop post is right re getting her to think of it from au pairs view.
It must be very hard for you to see her so upset but she will probably learn from it emotionally. Maybe when she is older and friendship change etc. so maybe that's a positive .

I don't think planning a visit is a problem - it has a definite beginning and end and might give her some sort of closure to see ap in new environment. Do think continual contact might be though , especially once the new ap starts. There will be tears initially but maybe knowing she can Skype at the weekend for example would help manage that.