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Original poster

Help! My student's shiney new job as Au Pair has gone <poof>

35 replies

Mammuzza · 04/08/2014 21:28

Cutting a long story short, I live in Italy, my student is Italian. She can't start her Master's this year (will be going to study something complicated about finance in Monte Carlo next ac. year) , I suggested she spend this year in the UK to improve her English (she's just passed CAE speaking, near miss on the other three papers). We looked at options. She loved the idea of Au Pairing. Found a job.... and it turned out to be a scam.

I have a thread on chat that underlines my inability to notice an obvious Nigerian Prince in his home office coat.

Anyway. She is a bit gutted, and I am trying to help start round 2 of the job search, but more carefully this time.

Which agencies are reliable and scam free ? Any recommendations ?

I've been checking out some agencies with proper addresses and tax numbers and came accross the need for a certificate from her doctor and one from the police. We live in a tiny rural area. Nobody in those roles speaks or writes English. Would a translation done by me cut the mustard ? Becuase I have no idea where she could find a notarised translator in the vicinity, in August, when lots of places are shut. I am not even sure what the certificates should say specificslly. Any tips on that score ?

And if there is anything else you think I should bear in mind, mucho gratitudo !

Cos it's a bit like the blind leading the blind at the moment.

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MinutesOfMeetings · 08/08/2014 11:56

When I hired through au pair world a couple of weeks back I specified only Scandinavians or Germans and I got 111 responses in two weeks! Obviously not every response was a good one but many were. Germans in particular seem keen on au pairing in their gap years.

DikTrom · 07/08/2014 21:22

Not even allowed to work in the UK

DikTrom · 07/08/2014 21:22

Actually, we went through agencies. We were told there were not that many western European au pairs, so she is in an advantageous position. There are many au pairs who are. Ot even allowed to,work in the UK. And many many Eastern Europeans.

DikTrom · 07/08/2014 21:19

To get a feel how au pairs get treated you may just want to advanced search this board you are posting on using the word 'au pair' or 'problems with au pair'. I agree there are many good families, but there are also many many families I would not like my dd to be their au pair when she is older. People can really be very unreasonable, very able to think about their needs but not about the needs of a young girl in a foreign country.

primarynoodle · 07/08/2014 20:53

I aupaired through aupairworld.co.uk(/.com cant remember).

it isn't a policed agency etc but if you get her to skype the family a few times etc you should be able to tell plus it gibes her the opportunity to check the family out etc.

so sorry for her about the scam, hope it doesnt put her off!

MinutesOfMeetings · 07/08/2014 20:01

I have been reading this thread and while I appreciate DikTrom means well I disagree with some of her advice about emphasising the au pair must have her own sanctuary, must be allowed sleepovers etc. I also disagree aboutasking lots of questions about how the family will help her make friends etc.

We use au pair world to find our au pairs and we do like them to be part of our family but if an interviewee asked me all that then I would worry that they would not be independent and would expect too much from me and I would not hire them.

There are many more potential au airs than potential host families. Your student must show her very best sides to get hired. She needs a great profile, references ready, an engaging manner on Skype etc.

I also disagree with DikTrom that lots of families abuse au pairs. Of course there are some bad families but as an au pair employer who has met loads more au pairs through my own au pairs I would say the vast majority have great host families and great years abroad.

Good luck to you and your student. I only hired last week otherwise I would have interviewed her.

DikTrom · 07/08/2014 16:35

No, what happens is that when they have guests they may ask the au pair to either sleep on a mattress on the floor in the room of the child or in the living room. I have heard from friends of our au pairs that this happens quite a lot.

Original poster
Mammuzza · 07/08/2014 10:52

I've found a nice, clear template.

I'll add your suggested "clarity clause" about the room.

People actually use it as a guest room while the au pair is in it ?

Most of today will be swallowed up with police stuff, cos the scammer is back on the scene.

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DikTrom · 06/08/2014 20:09

Do also put in that she will have her own room solely for her use and not to be used by family and/or guests. Some families let their kids bother the au pair when she is off duty, it has to be her sanctuary. Ideally with TV,DVD, internet etc and the opportunity for her friends to stay with her during the weekend (ideally also a sleep over). We initially only allowed female friends. After we had had several au pairs we also had boy friends now and then, never was a problem but most families will not like this.

She can also ask a potential host family: What will you do to,help me feel at home?
If they get annoyed with this question, then you know it is a one way street and I would bin them.

DikTrom · 06/08/2014 20:03

Either Google or be bold and ask one of the au pair agencies if they can send you an example of an au pair contract.

Original poster
Mammuzza · 06/08/2014 19:35

I'll have a google and see if I can get my hands on downloadable templates of au pair contracts that can be "filled in" as it were. If nothing else they will be a useful comparison with whatever she gets asked to sign.

What you are saying rings very true. I am looking at some of messages of the people interested in her, with huge lists of stuff she has to do included ..... and I think they have confused au pair with "skivvy"

There was one in particular that had my eyebrows going so high I almost gave myself a DIY facelift.

They were offering between one day and ... a half day ! off per week.

A six and a half day week ?

I really don't know what to say about that.

Other than they hit the reject pile at the speed of light.

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DikTrom · 06/08/2014 17:21

True. But she is in an especially vulnerable position. Due to the crisis, money is tight, people work long hours and demand cheap childcare which suits them and often even when they have time off they want the au pair to look after the kids because they are knackered. This can easily result in exploitation.

People thought we were mad how we treated our au pairs as we took them with us on long weekends abroad, restaurants, days out, because they were and are part of our family. Nice thing is we are still in touch with all of them.

If she is careful and only goes for a family which really wants her rather than just anyone who just provides cheap childcare, then it could be a brilliant experience, helping to improve her English and further development. The key is to be selective and not to feel pressurised just to take any job. Once she has found a family it is crucial to draw up a contract which clearly states her duties, her working times, her time off, what is allowed, what is not allowed, etc. This avoids the risk of claims that she has misunderstood things. Exploitation is rife at the moment.

Original poster
Mammuzza · 06/08/2014 12:23

That's is all really good info. to have, especially this bit You may want to sit in on a few telephone interviews. Might make her look less "exploitable" as well.

I'm happy for me to phone them cos I don't have to pay for the call, and if they know a British person is availble to her to ask "is this reasonable/is this really what I agreed to" they might not play the bait and switch people try on me all the time here, namely "oh you must have misunderstood"!

You would not believe the number of people who bare face lie and claim your non native speaker status essentially means they get to move the goal posts and claim immunity cos it's always your fault for allegedly getting the wrong end of the stick. But they don't do it when they know I have an Italian DH, becuase that makes it too high risk. Can hardly claim HE doesn't understand the language properly.

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DikTrom · 06/08/2014 11:00

When speaking to the families I would suggest she also asks them how they will help her making contact with other au pairs/making friends. She almost certainly will go through a period of feeling homesick and to have friends who are or have been in the same situation can be of great help.

Another important issue is how the family sees the role of the au pair, eg cheap labour not to be seen/heard when not needed and on call when needed or really a young person who becomes a part of their family. So you can ask questions to find out, like would the whole family eat together? What does the family do in their time off? Would the au pair be included? For example, if they all go out for dinner on a Saturday, would the au pair also be invited to join? If they all go to an amusement park would the au pair be invited? Once the kids are in bed, is the au pair welcome to stay in the living room watching TV with the parents or expected to stay in her own room so the parents can spend time together? (Most of our au pairs actually preferred to stay in their room and invite their friends over for a chat/watch a film or skype, but the point is do they have the opportunity to join in family life if they want to - it tells you a lot about the attitude of the host family to the au pair, is she a servant or a family member (of course it is not so black and white, but it can make au pairs feel very isolated and left out). You may want to sit in on a few telephone interviews.

Original poster
Mammuzza · 06/08/2014 08:47

Thank you love, I'll give them a call.

I did initially think it might be about the costs of translation. But when I called back to ask if we could go around the Italian agencies by paying for offical translations here and deal with the British agencies directly, the reason for the clear "no" was becuase Britian does not allow agencies to charge applicant so dealing direct was not economically viable for them.

It was a quick phonecall. I may have got the wrong end of the stick. But my impression was that the Italian agencies charge, and the British agencies get a fee from the Italian agency (therefore not taking monies direct from candidates) if the place a candidate.

Which would explain why the fee over here is so high. It has to cover two agencies cut.

It looked like a work around of British law so they could generate the necessary income required to provide the additional protections for the placed candidates,nlike the 24 hour emergency number, screening families and intervention if it all goes horribly wrong.

We have lots of bites since reworking her profile (thanks to your suggestions) on au pair world. And because of the issues you underlined in terms of lack of security there is a large cushion being provided by her family. Additionally the area has been narrowed down so my sister can get to her easily and bring her back to her house if it all goes horribly wrong.

I'll definstly call the agencies you suggested. I'd much rather she had the protections they offer. But if they don't have anything for her I can't stop her taking a job from an au pair world family. But at least this way I have Plan B-ed her in as bubble wrapped a fashion as possible.

I am going to be worried until she gets there, settles and reports back that all is well though.

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DikTrom · 05/08/2014 23:16

Heavenly au pairs is another one where she can register directly.

Was the issue with the other agency that all the paperwork was in Italian by any chance? May be cheaper to translate it and go through UK agency? Maybe initially you can translate it and only have it done officially when they request that?

DikTrom · 05/08/2014 23:08

She can register herself for free with Almondbury Au Pairs, there must be others as well.

Original poster
Mammuzza · 05/08/2014 17:16

OK, having talking to an agency from the bapaa directory, they don't deal with Italians direct. My student has to go through one of a selected group of agencies here. Excpet they charge each candidate 500 euros.

So basically even though the good agencies in Britian don't charge, you pay here to be able to plug into their services.

I called the British one back to check they knew about the charging, and they did, it's the only way they can make it work.

So we have hit au pair world again, fleshed out her profile, vetted squillions of profiles and applied for loads that sound reasonable.

Becuase there won't be the saftey net of a good agency I've steered her to city settings and large towns so if it all goes bent she is not stuck in the middle of nowhere with few options. The 500 euro agency fee she understandably doesn't want to fork out is now her "cushion" money in case of "oh bugger" events.

Au pair world don't seem all that interested in police/medical certs but I'll translate them anyway so she can offer them. Ditto all her references.

More than this I don't think we can do. It is now a case of keep trying, see what stick and who (if anybody) emerges from the interview stage still looking like a contender.

But some of the families we picked sound lovely, and she has a strong profile, so with any luck lots will want her, she'll pick well and everything will be alright.

At least no other scams have happened, so I'm putting today down as a win.

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Original poster
Mammuzza · 05/08/2014 14:33

Sorry, I didn't make that clear, the au pair+ for less than au pair not + pay is one of the feelers from au pair world.

I called unique aunpairs in hampshire, they were lovely and put me on to the Italian agencies that collaborate with them for pre screening in Italian.

I just have to wait for student to get back from sorting out the police/doctor thing and then we can start on the directory from the British Au Pair Association. She's going to do it at my house so I can keep an eye on things and I have free calls to the Uk if any agency wants to speak to her to check out her English etc.

I take your point about perhaps best not to have a newbie family and a newbie au pair together. That's a bit too much lesrning curve all round to have good odds of working out well.

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DikTrom · 05/08/2014 13:51

I thought the agencies had guidelines wrt how much au pair plus should earn, I would query this with the agency. Sounds like a no no to me. In 2008 we paid our au pair plus £100 per week plus phone and travel allowance, all evenings and weekends free, only cleaning to do with child, cleaning lady did proper cleaning of house etc. i would ask agency the current pay for au pair and au pair plus, theynshould know as it will be in all the contracts. Which agency are you in touch with? Maybe try several agencies at the same time.

DikTrom · 05/08/2014 13:47

It is well worth to spend time on it now. It is crucial to be careful and select the right family and to ensure she is protected if things go wrong (our au pairs were always given a 24 hour agency helpline number in case there was an issue), also ask about introduction programs/other things they do to bring au pairs in contact with each other so they settle quicker as they have friends in the same situation (almost all au pairs do get homesick at one point in time, so check available support). Families who have had au pairs often have more realistic expectations, it is often also a steep learning curve for the family, not just the au pair, with little misunderstandings which need to be promptly resolved so they don't fester.

Original poster
Mammuzza · 05/08/2014 13:46

Interestingly enough, one of the feelers want what sounds like aupair+, but is offering less than what others are paying for what you are describing as just normal au pair.

Oh man, I wish we had been in a position to start this earlier. Her mum is lovely and less "apron stringy" than average..... but has a core of steel and knows where I live. I fear for me if I screw this up and don't help her pick right.

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DikTrom · 05/08/2014 13:37

Au pair plus works about 35 hours, au pair about 25 hours, both with 1-2 evenings babysitting on top. Au pair should not be left in sole charge of children (from memory, may be wrong) under 2 years of age. Au pair should have the opportunity to follow a language course (so if this is only possible during time the parents are not there to look after the kids then they have to arrange something to enable the au pair to nevertheless follow the course no matter how inconvenient, but she should be clear upfront if she wants to follow a course, so the host family can decide whether they want to go ahead or not). She should have two full days of per week, with sufficient notice to arrange activities if she wishes to do so.
She has the right to have her own room, her space should be entirely hers and not used for guests etc. (bapa requirement, some people let au pair sleep on sofa or in room of the child and move guests in room of au pair). Other points to think about: are friends allowed to visit and stay overnight on her days off, does room have own TV/dvd/internet/laptop, how close to public transport, does she get transport and/or mobile phone allowance every month/ does she eat with whole family or does she need to cook and eat with kids (some families even don't want au pair to eat with them, use living room when they are home themselves, again I don't think Bapa allows this). What are the cleaning duties, should be light cleaning, many families take the piss (not allowed under Bapa rules).
We always went through agencies and employed a separate cleaner, worked out well both for our au pairs and ourselves. Au pairs should not be treated like cheap labour (as often happens) but as part of the family.

Original poster
Mammuzza · 05/08/2014 13:32

That's timely advice. She's just had some feelers on there. But... I'm a bit concerned about both options, becuase if it doesn't work out she'll be high and dry in the middle of bleeding nowhere. And I do mean the middle of nowhere. With no bus. Because I checked and neither place has any kind of public transport,

I spoke to one of the agencies in the British AP Association directory a couple of hours ago. She was LOVELY! Really nice and helpful. Becuase of the paperwork and everything being in Italian they use a handful of selected Italian agencies to pre-screen candidates, she's sent me the list and they are top to the To Do list later this afternoon.

At the moment my student is getting her police certificate. With any luck the doc can fit her in today as well.

She'll come over to my house later so we can see where we are and make some more calls to England if needs be to other agencies in the UK on the "safe" list.

It seemed like such a simple and easy solution at first. Turning out to be a lot more work than I anticipated.

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DikTrom · 05/08/2014 13:23

I wouldn't use Au Pair World as she will have no protection whatsoever, and she wouldn't be the first ending up with a horrible family.

Au Pair World is nice and cheap for families compared with agencies, however this also means that the families are free to do whatever they like. Really this is not in HER interest. Families who are keen and want to find a fully vetted au pair and are willing to play by the rules through giving the au pair a proper contract with clear duties and rights will pay an agency a fee thus showing their commitment as well. Au Pair World is for families who want everything for free, often treat au pairs like shit because the au pair has nowhere to turn to, don't help the au pair making friends (bapa has a special program with activities), really I wouldn't go there. As said before, it will cost her nothing to go through agencies and if things were to go wrong there will be help at hand both from the agency who placed her and BAPA.