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Original poster

I'm a bit miffed about this - ok, it's actually a bit of a rant...

41 replies

jabberwocky · 10/09/2006 12:39

We have had a nanny for 3 years for ds, since he was about a month old. When I got pregnant with this baby, she said she was not interested in caring for more than one and dh (WAHD) said he would care for the little one as he really likes and trusts this nanny and didn't want to go through looking for another one. I, however, wouldn't mind finding a new nanny and introducing her to ds in advance of the new baby while phasing out the other one.

Flash forward to this past Thursday. I get a call from the nanny saying first, that she wanted to let me know she is planning a winter vacation. Since I am due December 4th, my first thought was, "Well, not the best of timing, but I'm sure we can work around it" However, all I said was, "OK" and waited for more details. When the details came out though, I couldn't even speak. She has bought a one-way ticket to the Virgin Islands for January 8th and doesn't know when or even if she will be coming back. She's divorced, grown children, and on the one hand, I admire her for being adventurous. On the other hand, I am furious about the timing. It is right in the middle of my maternity leave. I only get 8 weeks and will be recovering from a c-section, so I was counting on having all the extra help I could get.

So, now I have to somehow manage to introduce ds to his new baby brother, help him cope with the (possibly permanent) absence of his nanny, and deal with everything else that comes with a newborn. Dh is still staying firm that he doesn't want a new nanny and that it will work out. I'm furious with him and her over this now. My feeling is, if you're going to pull a stunt like this, shouldn't the date be a bit flexible? She didn't mention anything about it until after she bought the ticket!

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harpsichordcarrier · 10/09/2006 15:34

tbh I don't think you have any cause to be furious with her. she has given you plenty of notice and in her shoes I would be thinking the fact that it is in the middle of your mat leave is probably pretty convenient for you as you will be at home and so wil your dh.
No, I wouldn't expect an employee to consult me about when they were due to leave or to change their plans to suit me although I would expect plenty of notice, which she has given you (prob more than her contract I expect). After all, you were intending to "phase her out...." so she is not exactly indispensible as you were planning to do without her, right?

Original poster
jabberwocky · 10/09/2006 15:29

it's (did one of my own pet peeves )

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Original poster
jabberwocky · 10/09/2006 15:27

Thanks, WWW and edam. I'm glad most of you can see my point about the timing. That's really been my only problem about the notice thing. And, yes, Twiglett, I do realize that I don't own her!

I have been telling dh all along that I don't see how on earth it was going to work with her only agreeing to look after one of the children. Seemed a ridiculous situation all the way around. I had wanted to hire a new nanny and phase her in well in advance, but dh has been uncooperative about that.

When she gave notice, I did think, overall that its a good thing, just, again, the timing of it all...

OP posts:
Katymac · 10/09/2006 15:26

I might wait until I have found someone before giving her notice myself.....

edam · 10/09/2006 15:17

Agree with WWW, give her her notice and start recruiting. You aren't obliged to keep her on until it is convenient for her.

WideWebWitch · 10/09/2006 14:49

Just re read your recent post, it's not up to her, so what if she wants to work up until December, maybe you could have accommodated it if you weren't pregnant but given that you are, well, I would give her 1 month notice now and find someone else. That's plenty of time for your eldest to get used to someone new before a new sibling.

WideWebWitch · 10/09/2006 14:47

And I know she's given you 3 months but she has given permanent notice if she's bought a one way ticket and the timing's rubbish from your pov. I prob wouldn't have any hard feelings about it, people do move on but you can actually get a good result out of this: a nanny who will look after two and be able to help while you're recovering. So I'd almost say this is a good thing!

WideWebWitch · 10/09/2006 14:45

Get a new nanny NOW and give her notice. That's what I'd do. It's enough time to get your ds used to someone new and you could do with someone who is up for looking after 2 children, why should your dh/you have to do it? You will want the help and so that's what I'd do in your position.

Twiglett · 10/09/2006 14:41

um she's given you over 3 months notice .. you don't own her you know

think you need to take a deep, a very deep breath

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 10/09/2006 14:37

LOL if he can look after the baby why cant he look after the two of them . Is your nanny off work over the xmas holiday as in from the 24th th December ?

Original poster
jabberwocky · 10/09/2006 13:35

I really like that idea. It would give us much more time to make the transition.

Dh may be more inclined to go along with that as I just had a major pregnant/hormonal blow-up at him over this. I guess starting this thread got me a little agitated.

OP posts:
Katymac · 10/09/2006 13:29

You might just find someone else and give her a months notice.

I think that is what I would do.

SpaceCadet · 10/09/2006 13:27

its a long time since i had a cm, never had a nanny, but if i were in your shoes, i would personally start advertising for potential nannies now

Original poster
jabberwocky · 10/09/2006 13:24

Yes, I realize that she has given us several months notice and I give her due credit for that. But, she does want to work up until that date, so even if dh agrees to get a new nanny - which is a major sticking point - I still have a major upheaval 3 weeks after I give birth. Actually, I have a major upheaval at that time, in addition to the newborn of course, whether we get another nanny or not.

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Saturn74 · 10/09/2006 13:02

No experience of this, as I've never had nannies or CM for my children. It sounds like you're furious and quite stressed, which is obviously not great whilst pregnant. Perhaps now is the time to start interviewing new nannies who are prepared to look after two children? As I say, I've no experience of having a nanny, but wouldn't it be odd for her to look after one of your children, but not the other, especially as the youngest gets older. It just seems a bit complicated to me. Anyway, bumping this in the hope someone with more experience of this situation can help .

belgo · 10/09/2006 13:01

In her defense: She has given you several months notice. She has also given you 3 years loyal service. She is leaving 5 weeks after the birth, so will she still be working up until that time?