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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Is she taking the piss?

115 replies

Minki · 30/06/2014 10:37

I have had a nanny for my two boys, aged 6 and 4, who started with us just over a year ago. My youngest starts school in September so the hours will drop from 40 hours per week to 20. The nanny knows this and I have discussed with her many times and asked her if she will consider staying. She said 20 hours is not enough and that she needs at least 30 but that she would try to find another job to supplement. That was about 2 months ago and she has so far not found another job. I kept saying, do you think you will stay as we can look into other options to boost your hours, e.g. nanny share, and I tried to find another family to give her extra work in the morning, but she has not seemed v interested in any of these suggestions but told me she was applying and interviewing for other jobs. I have also said that we would be happy to use her on just a few days a week if she got a full time position on other days but again, o response. I then decided, in early June, to get an au pair as I desperately needed to reduce the amount of £££ I was spending on childcare (I am literally living off my credit cards trying to make ends meet), and also because I was concerned the nanny would get another job and leave at any point. I therefore dropped her hours to 20 hours per week and am using an au-pair for the extra hours (which means I am spending £280 per week as opposed to £400, plus tax, NI etc). Thing is, I can't really afford £280 per week and would prefer to just use the au-pair, who is sat around not doing much most of the time, but didn't because I was trying to do this right thing by the nanny and keep her happy so that she would stay with us into September. I then get called yesterday by another parent asking for a reference. I gave her a good reference but she then tell me that the position the nanny is interviewing is for only 3 days after-school. I am then massively confused. I then text nanny to mention that someone has called me for a reference, which i gladly gave, but then said, do you know the position is only 3 days a week after school, and so I am offering more hours. I then said, I assume then that you are leaving and so I should look for someone else to start in September? She then said, I don't know yet, its too early to decide etc. I have now concluded that she simply doesn't want to stay with us but is not telling me until she gets another job and it has really really upset me as it feels like she is using me and has rejected the children. I have said several times, even if you stay for a few days per week that would be great as continuity for the children, but it seems she won't even consider this as she is applying for the same job, in fact, even fewer hours. This is not the first time we have been badly let down by a nanny. Really had enough.

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AChildminder88 · 30/06/2014 15:47

...just wanted to add I don't always agree with some comments posted on here, some posters do seem to just enjoy being nasty, but having read this thread, I don't believe anyone was unkind or cruel to you!

Minki · 30/06/2014 15:47

BerylStreep, I think you sound absolutely ridiculous too who hasn't a clue about the real world.

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AChildminder88 · 30/06/2014 15:45

Minki- no need to get snarky because you didn't get the response you want.

Learn from situation, move on, and it's done. Your not a victim, don't be silly.

Minki · 30/06/2014 15:42

Thanks all of the helpful and constructive sh*t, sorry advice. I will give her 2 weeks notice today. It's not what she wants but mumsnet knows best, right? No wonder this place has the reputation it does.

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BerylStreep · 30/06/2014 15:40

OP, I think you should read your thread. You sound absolutely ridiculous!

AChildminder88 · 30/06/2014 15:13

If you can't afford a nanny now, and have been struggling for a while, then you need to be honest and give a months notice.

It does sound as if nanny hasn't got a clue what she is going to do, but it's very disorientating to be told in x amount of time your hours will be reduced, and then you reduce them earlier. That was never going to give you a positive reaction- most nannies would have just walked out at that point.

It's very sensible to stick around until you find another job, that's all the nanny seems to be doing. You cant blame her for this predicament!

Laquitar · 30/06/2014 15:07

Minki
the phraseology you are using is a bit odd.
You dont 'give' her money. You pay her for the job.
You dont go 'above' by paying her tax. You have to.

I think it is awful that you tell her every month about your money problems.

How come she didnt get the job then after your excellent references?

STOPwiththehahaheheloling · 30/06/2014 14:57

Teeb, as a human being you sound like a sinking ship

Confused you are being very immature.

Btw- paying tax and NI on your nanny's salary is not going 'above and beyond'. You are legally obliged to as an employer. And yes of course it comes out of your salary- where else would it come from Confused your salary is what it is because you employ a nanny!

Also- you arent getting taxed at 40% on all your salary.

Teeb · 30/06/2014 14:56

Grin oh dear op.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/06/2014 14:55

And I have given her given her financial security (over £400 per week of the last 16 months)

you have paid her for doing a job of looking after your children while you work - she shouldnt need to feel grateful for you paying her wages, but does sound like the past few months you cant afford/begrudge paying her and she probably worried about losing her job/income in sept yet you do that in june BEFORE what you agreed to previously

if you paid redundancy to the other nanny then she must have been with you over 2years, therefore she cant have been that bad nanny or you would have got rid of her

again redundancy and holidays are a basic right as an employee, you would get them, why shouldnt a nanny?

Teeb · 30/06/2014 14:52

I told her at the start of the year that I was struggling with £400 per week and said on an almost monthly basis that I would have to get an au pair so she has been well aware of this sometime.

How would that make you feel if your boss told frequently told you that they were struggling and considering replacing you with cheap foreign labour? Would it give you a feeling of job security and a sense of loyalty to the employer? I don't think so.

Minki · 30/06/2014 14:49

Teeb, as a human being you sound like a sinking ship. I go above and beyond what many employer of nannies do, including paying tax and NI on her salary, out of my own salary that has already been taxed to 40%.

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Minki · 30/06/2014 14:48

If she is desperate to get away then a) why hasn't she and b) why is she asking me not to look for someone else? Why have I also just received a text from her apologising for not being clearer and saying that she wants very much to keep working with me?

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Minki · 30/06/2014 14:46

Who said I made her feel guilty every time i paid her?? I have done no such thing. Please do stick to the facts here. She has no idea how i fund her salary nor would I bore her with the details of my financial situation but she can see herself that I am a single parent and that anyone would struggle with full responsibility for childcare costs and mortgage, and all bills etc, even if on a good salary. I pay for her salary out of my wages but that uses up pretty much any disposable income I have. There was no agreement, contractual or otherwise, to keep her until September but she has known throughout that my youngest goes to school in September and that the hours will drop then or possibly before. Noone, including myself, has a job guaranteed up to a certain date. The only thing guaranteed is your notice period.

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Teeb · 30/06/2014 14:37

Honestly as an employer you sound like a sinking ship. If I was working for someone who every time they paid my wages trying to make me feel guilty about being paid, that they couldn't pay the bills and were in huge debt then I'd be desperate to get away. You changed the terms you had agreed to by halving her hours three months earlier than intended, and you are openly hostile and aggressive with her (as you've demonstrated on this thread.)

You expect what you yourself will not give.

Minki · 30/06/2014 14:35

Yes, she is entitled to do all of that, just as I am entitled to reduce her contractual hours without being accused of being "shitty".

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MellowAutumn · 30/06/2014 14:28

I'm not trying to help the poor Nanny I'm trying to help you deal with this in a professional manner.

MellowAutumn · 30/06/2014 14:26

No you don't have to wait , just give her notice properly and sort you childcare out.ffs. it's not very complicated, she's hardly a prize by the sound of it and you will be able to untie the knot in your knickers.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 30/06/2014 14:26

It's her right to not tell you at all about her plans for the future at all if she chooses. You buy her time at an agreed rate, you don't buy the right to control her thoughts, feelings or actions (outside of her employment commitments) I am afraid. Nor can you demand that she resign as soon as she is not 100% happy with the arrangements.

Minki · 30/06/2014 14:21

So funny MellowAutumn that you are trying to help this poor nanny by telling me to give her notice when she has asked me not to as she may want the job. She may, she may not, I just have to wait for her to decide.

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Minki · 30/06/2014 14:20

Yes, I am such awful hard work. Like the time when two mothers complained to me about her, telling me that she was on her phone and not watching the boys properly. I was such "hard work" that I discussed it with her, asked her to be more careful etc, instead of firing her as many others would have done, and many told me to do.

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MellowAutumn · 30/06/2014 14:19

Give her notice

Minki · 30/06/2014 14:15

If she wants to work elsewhere that is absolutely fine. She just needs to resign. She hasn't. She has asked me not to start looking for someone else as she hasn't decided what she is doing. How is that fair? She can look for other jobs but I can't make alternative childcare arrangements?

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Minki · 30/06/2014 14:12

Not looking for a concrete undertaking at all. Just an indication of what she is going to do or a yes or no. Giving her time to worry about her wages? Well she would have had a lot more to worry about if I had just terminated her employment and she has been looking for months and not found anything. Very intense and demanding? Don't make me laugh. I have had 3 or 4 conversations with all, all framed along the lines of, we would love you to stay, how can I help you, what other options can we look at? How awful for her. I should have just given her 2 week notice, no warning or explanation. How awful of me to want her to stay on.

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BerylStreep · 30/06/2014 13:59

TBH, you sound very aggressive - you have asked for views, but don't seem to be willing to accept that that there is any other viewpoint than your own. Perhaps she wants to look for another employer because she finds you hard work?

On the one hand, you have been telling her for months that you can't afford to pay her, yet you want a concrete undertaking that she will be staying September. It just sounds very intense and demanding.