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Original poster

Au pair smokers

40 replies

artist67 · 07/09/2006 15:12

Our Au pair has arrived last week and seems o.k

However, I am I am really p?ed off. I made very clear in the advert and at interview, ?non smoker?as it won't be tolerated, which I confirmed with her, she is in fact an habitual smoker (concealed fag stubs at the back door) constantly reeking of fags, toxic stench around the house.

I know in the big scheme of things its may seem petty, but I really didn't want an habitual smoker looking after the kids, It?s the whole dependency thing of nipping out to the back door I suspect whilst kids are playing.

As I have had all this before with a previous nanny and our kids smelling of smoke despite her saying she never smoked on duty ?.

So what now? before I jump in feet first ?

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Original poster
artist67 · 18/09/2006 12:05

Au pair back on cigs, went in to her room regarding awful smell and new furniture had arrived for her room. Although it didn?t smell of smoke, just very stale like soemthing had died.

Found Beer bottles with lots of cig ends in it (very nice). I think she is doing this when we are all in bed. Stupid girl will proberly set fire to her curtains?. How long did she think she could do this for??? Must think I?m on the dim side.

Anyway she going, need to think about the best way? is there anyway to do without possible bad situation.

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syrup · 12/09/2006 19:32

Oh Dear!
All is not totally rosy my end though my AP would be perfect but my ds2(4) has started bullying her!!!!! I am currently on another thread about it under behaviour!

Original poster
artist67 · 12/09/2006 19:25

Hi, sounds like you have a good Au pair, may be when she starts language school she will may meet other APs.

I am glad to say there is no evidence her smoking after our chat, she has settled in no problem and started making new friends. BUT if I'm honest, don't really like her very much. A Know - It - All attitude as developed in the past few days, aggressive tones of 'yes i know, you told me' or 'o.k i know this' and then does the opposite.

She also thinks she speaks better English than she does which has lead to loads of confusion, then says to me that i should explain better !!!AHHH I think I'm losing it...

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syrup · 11/09/2006 20:54

Hi I got my ap via ad on gum tree ( loads of replies) but can't say anything else as she has only been with us for 1 week but she seems absolutely lovely (non smoker!!) but I think is getting homesick as she hasn't met any other ap around.

Original poster
artist67 · 11/09/2006 20:49

BTW my house and Au pair have been smoke free today!!but Au pair doesn't look very happy, therefore I have just got some new Au pair applicants to look at. not before looking on Mnet threads for some tips, to see if there's some kind of magic formula on finding good Au pairs?

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Original poster
artist67 · 11/09/2006 18:20

I am just looking for an another Au pair at the moment: it would great if she does was she said she was going to do, but my gut feeling is that she will not .

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SSSandy · 10/09/2006 21:15

I honestly don't think she is the right au pair for your family.

My suspician is if she's contacting dating agencies, she isn't planning on staying with you long.

I know you feel bad doing this with a young girl, but I wouldn't keep her on.

Original poster
artist67 · 10/09/2006 21:06

sorry - should have said internet dating not an issue

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Original poster
artist67 · 10/09/2006 21:04

thanks for your points of view , I have made it very clear about her lying, totally unacceptable, and therefore is now on a trial basis. I have followed it up in writing, stating no smoking on my property at anytime, on duty,no leaving lighters or matches in access of the children ect?OR I will ask her to leave. She has apologised and says she clearly understands.

I think In future a I will definitely do a trial basis

I also don?t think the internet dating will be an issue, however the phone rings endlessly for her at weekends and evenings which is now getting irritating, as she does have her own mobile.

After having a nanny, conduct in my home was never an issue and needless to say she was totally professional and honest ( with one exception but did she didn?t last long). Now DD is at school and DS at nursery, I thought an Au pair would be best solution, after having some success before.

Is it normal to start off like this with Au pairs? I thought issues would arise a least 3 or weeks later?

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Saturn74 · 09/09/2006 23:24

I wouldn't employ someone who reeked of cigarette smoke around my children. I wouldn't sack her immediately, but I would insist that she only smokes in her free time, and away from the house - and that includes the garden. I wouldn't want the children to see her smoking, so she'd have to go for a walk round the block, or whatever. If she doesn't like or can't abide by those rules, she would have to leave. I think you're right to be angry about this - she has deceived you about a fairly major isue IMO.

fistfullofnappies · 09/09/2006 23:11

sarz has summed it up, really. why lie, when you are bound to be found out? The only reason is, that you think you can bully your employer into accepting something they didnt want.

fistfullofnappies · 09/09/2006 23:08

Difficult one. I have an au pair too, and so I understand the reluctance to just get rid of her.
But you're now in a bad situation, having a smoker in the house, which you dont like, and also, now she has put one over on you. She hoodwinked you, and if you let it lie, she may try it again.

As a general rule, its a good idea to agree an initial 2 week trial period, for this sort of reason. Probably just being wise after the event though.

I dont think that internet dating is a worse risk than her meeting men in any other way. My more successful au pairs have met hordes of men! But a house rule for au pairs in our house, is no male guests.

goldenoldie · 09/09/2006 22:29

No way - get rid ASAP. She is a liar.

And she will smoke in front of the kids - in the park, o the way to the supermarket, school run, whatever.

There are stacks of good non-smoking au-apairs out there - get one.

Uwila · 08/09/2006 15:07

I wouldn't sack her, but would make it very clear that there is no smoking
1- in my house or on my property
2- when the kids are with her
3- when she is on duty (assuming her hours are clearly defined)

And if she didn't like it, well she shouldn't have lied. And, she is free to leave if she can't accept the terms.

And, yes, I'd be mighty ticked off about it.

sarz · 07/09/2006 22:49

Wow she sounds really dis-honest! I am a nanny, and i would NEVER lie to my employers, EVER. there is so much trust involved in this line of work and would never want that jepodised.

Original poster
artist67 · 07/09/2006 18:03

Jura - we put up with MIL and she doesn't realize how much she smells and how irritable she get when deprived, i would opt for absolutely non smoking.

DH is more tolerant than me ( because he was brought up with MIL) and believes that cultually is more accepted and Au pair she this as no big deal.

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southeastastra · 07/09/2006 17:53

well sack her then, it's obviously something you feel strongly about, she's only smoking not snorting cocaine off your coffee table

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 07/09/2006 17:51

"i guess if she's a committed smoker she will be off to the garden when looking after the kids or sneaking off when in the park with the kids. "

Not if she's serious about her work she won't......

Original poster
artist67 · 07/09/2006 17:50

southeast - she does smoke in the garden, but I have a problem with the smell and the whole dependency thing, i guess if she's a committed smoker she will be off to the garden when looking after the kids or sneaking off when in the park with the kids.

DH suspected when she arrived and thought she was smoking out the window of her room when she thought we were all asleep, which is a fire Hazard

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FillyjonktheFluffy · 07/09/2006 17:49

Well, I think you have a perfect right to sack her, and I would probably do this, (in my dreams would I have an au pair, but still...) but I am neurotic about smoke.

I don't think smokers actually realise how much they stink.

Secondhand smoke, ie smoke from clothes, on people's breath etc is still dangerous.

But I am a complete nut job when it comes to cigarettes smoke...ex smoker...always the worst...

jura · 07/09/2006 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

southeastastra · 07/09/2006 17:39

ask her nicely to smoke in the garden, if she doesn't adhere to the rules then go with finding someone else. maybe she didn't understand, or was desp for the job.

Californifrau · 07/09/2006 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

syrup · 07/09/2006 17:34

Call me cynical but I expect she understood her terms/conditions and perks (pocket money etc) so i am doubtful if non smoker were misundersood!!!! I hope you sort it out sooner rather than later as I think the language schools get a bit funny about enrolling and then not pitching up and she may not be able to enrol else where if you give her the boot. (well that was certainly the feeling I got when I took my AP for her enrolment)

Original poster
artist67 · 07/09/2006 17:27

HRH - wish Au pair was more like that, but above all I prefer honesty and i agree with all views

Au pair is currently enrolling at college, I have spoke to DH about my conclusion, he thinks she possibly didn't understand although clearly stated in the advert at interview about houserules smoking was 1. he thinks she doesn't understand half of what we say! and that will be her response. I know i do talk a lot, and i am use to good English speakers.

DH is more concerned about the internet dating

I think she it was her resposibility to ensure she clearly understood the advert.

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