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Original poster

Non medical but worrying day off that I can't cover wwyd ?

487 replies

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:33

My CM has found a lump in her breast which obviously she's worried sick about and has booked herself an appointment at a private hospital for Tuesday, she's told me this, not asked if it's ok iyswim. Now I know i'd be worried to death about finding a lump but I really cannot take this time off and DH would be unpaid which we can't afford. I don't want to sound like a heartless cow but she had Friday off at short notice for an uncles funeral and now this, would it be completely awful to ask her to rebook for Wednesday ?

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NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:38

have read the whole thread not and opion hasnt changed

they are YOU child(ren) and if childminder has a lump then she NEEDS to go to hopsital for her oen sanity...

full support to childminder here and yes it STILL sounds completley unreasonable... to even THINK about it

NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:36

*rebook

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:34

NannyL perhaps you should read the whole thread before commenting - just a thought.

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NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:32

Not read whole post or comments but i cant believe this question has eevn been asked

yes it would be COMPLETELY unreasonable to ask her to reboom it...

how inconsiderate of her... what with relatives dieing then potential breast cancer to take a couple of days off at short notice...

YOUR children and YOUR children and YOUR responsibility and if YOU dont have cover then its YOUR problem...

Sorry but i cant believe you would even CONSIDER questioning it!

Thats just my opinion!

Judy1234 · 03/09/2006 11:32

I found a lump. I waited longer than on the NHS to get a private evening appointment because I couldn't afford to take time from work (I work for myself) and I know most lumps are not a problem (and it wasn't) but people differ. You have to keep her happy. Our nannies have often taken children to appointments with them, including when our nanny was pregnant.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:18

Oops I do see you're point, I guess what makes her such a lovely girl is the fact that she is so genuine and nice and she made the decission she can only work with children she loves and circumstances which are perfect. And on that basis she decided if she couldn't earn enough working for me a few days a week then she didn't want to work for anyone else. Of course that may have changed in the last 7 weeks I don't know.

What i think has become clear as a result of this thread, for which I am grateful is that this arrangement isn't working for me and is putting me under pressure and feeling shit when I have no reason to.
So I think I have give everyone notice asap.
Thanks for the advice.

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Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:11

tissy you are being helpful and i do appreciate it.

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tissy · 03/09/2006 11:02

obviously the thread moved on a bit while I was typing!

tissy · 03/09/2006 11:00

Well, in which case you need to decide what is most important to you- the job, the money dh earns or your childminder.

What happens after your probabtionary period? oes your salary increase? Is there potential for promotion and further job satisfaction. What I mean is, maybe the loss of dh's earnings for a day would be worthwhile, if you can keep your job and improve your earning potential in the future?

I for one, am trying to be helpful, and think around this problem with you. If you didn't want to hear what other people think, why did you start this thread?

oops · 03/09/2006 11:00

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HappyMumof2 · 03/09/2006 10:59

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noddyholder · 03/09/2006 10:59

If you think you will lose your job get your husband to call in sick.It is not the end of the world for one day.I agree you should have some back up childcare in future as your employers sound very rigid.I am sure the alternative childcare will be fine tbh esp as your cm recommends her.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 10:57

Happymumof 2 - I do appreciate that and have not said a dickie bird.

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HappyMumof2 · 03/09/2006 10:55

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Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 10:51

alya99 - please give me credit for being able to anticipate this situation better than you, my boss pulled a face and basically said if these days off are going to be a regular event at short notice then I will not be passing my three month probation period and that was with regards to the CM attending her uncles funeral on Friday and us both taking a days holiday. So I think it is highly likely I will loose my job and there will be nothing I can do about it.

I'm not leaving my kids with anyone else, end of story, alot can happen in a couple of hours, the CM I really like and trust lost them at the zoo.

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tissy · 03/09/2006 10:46

FWIW, I wouldn't tell her if your work object to the time off- that puts her under pressure to accommodate you, and that's not fair.

I wouldn't worry about a "fill-in" for one day, as long as she is a registered CM- it's not as if you're leaving your child with someone who is completely un-checked. Do you have any friends with nannies who could help out, or could you take a half-day off work if you do have to use a "fill-in" so it's only for a few hours?

ayla99 · 03/09/2006 10:46

Its unlikely you'll lose your job over this - you have a legal right to time off to care for your dependants in this type of situation. You just don't have any right to be paid - thats down to the terms of your contract/discretion of employer.

What do you do when your own child is ill and you have to take time off work at short notice?

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 10:40

I have sort of spoken to her, she called to tell me about it and her mum is in a complete flap - not her and whisked her off to the private hospital. If the consulant is only available on a Tuesday then Tuesday it'll have to be but I got the impression Tuesday was just the first available appointment.
I really can't have a fill in looking after my children, what if something happeded to them, i'd never forgive myself for putting a job before them.
I "think" i'll tell work the truth on Monday, if they object I'll tell her and see if she suggests moving the appointment and if not I'll have to run the risk we're both unemployed by Wednesday. At the end of the day all my wages go directly to her anyway so I won't miss out but she'll be looking for another job and maybe on top of other worries.

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tissy · 03/09/2006 10:32

Angela, have you spoken to her about this?

Why not say, " I'm having trouble with work about taking time off on Tuesday, can you recomend anyone who could help out for that day?" and see what happens.

It may transpire that she's not that worried (if GP had thought it may be cancer she would have got an appt at the hospital within 2 weeks) and that she may be happy to change her appointment for you. Most private hospitals don't have a specialist on tap 7 days a week- that may be the only session that the breast surgeon is there, so that's why she's accepted the appointment.

It can't do any harm. If she's beside herself, and absolutely has to go that day, you've not lost anything. Most CM have a network of colleagues- mine has found me an alternative for when she's on holiday.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 10:31

hulababy, thanks i think you're both on right counts just not sure how to solve it yet.

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hulababy · 03/09/2006 10:29

Back to OP, I think it would definitely be unreasonable to ask her to book another appointment at such a worrying time for her.

I am afraid if you choose to rely on just one person for your childcare you have to be prepared to put up with these things.

If this is becoming a problem then I am not sure this form of childcare is the one best suited to you and your child.

HappyMumof2 · 03/09/2006 10:24

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Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 10:24

But she likes her job, she doesn't want to work for anyone else and I like her, so YOU have esculated this from rebooking an appointment to we are both out of jobs and looking for alternatives. Very helpful

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HappyMumof2 · 03/09/2006 10:21

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Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 10:20

And as you say she's self employed, if she "finds another child", how does she live whilst she's looking

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