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Original poster

Non medical but worrying day off that I can't cover wwyd ?

487 replies

AngelaChill · 02/09/2006 22:33

My CM has found a lump in her breast which obviously she's worried sick about and has booked herself an appointment at a private hospital for Tuesday, she's told me this, not asked if it's ok iyswim. Now I know i'd be worried to death about finding a lump but I really cannot take this time off and DH would be unpaid which we can't afford. I don't want to sound like a heartless cow but she had Friday off at short notice for an uncles funeral and now this, would it be completely awful to ask her to rebook for Wednesday ?

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Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:33

Thank you. I'm near Liverpool, but honestly you could be Mary Poppins herself and I'd be worried sick all day, my LO is an utter nightmare and would howl like a banshee. I did attachment parenting thinking it would make her more independant and less clingy, it doesn't seem to have worked

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emmatom · 03/09/2006 12:17

CM's lump comes first. Health always does.

Where do you live Angela. I'll happily look after your little one for one day to help you out.
I'm retired Police Woman, sane as they come, child would be 110% safe. Really am happy to help (as I'm sure others here would be too). Genuine offer.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:16

I'm going to resign - thanks for the reassurance, I as you said came on here to think out loud and see if there was anything else people could think of but I am stuffed as a turkey lol

I'll tell my boss the truth and I'll know straight away if it's a problem, if so I'll have my letter already so I get in first.

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hunkermunker · 03/09/2006 12:15

Can you ask work for the day off as parental leave, but say that you're happy to tender your resignation if they're having trouble with you being "unreliable"? (I put that in quotes because you're not being unreliable, your childcare is - not that it's her fault, but a no-show at work is a no-show at work, to them - whatever the reason).

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:14

Greensleeves, I think I have to resign, or just bite the bullet and ask her to move the appointment.
DH is the (contract) lead project manager on huge project that if he has bloody dripping from his eyes he would still have be in that office at 8am to be seen to be there.
I can't get sacked, I'd never leave the house again so it's as simple as that.

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Greensleeves · 03/09/2006 12:13

I don't think you should feel guilty - it's not ehartless or cruel to be airing your side of the problem here and trying to find a solution. Of course it's terrifying for the CM and she must have the lump checked out - but you have got to deal with the logistical nightmare. This is the right place to be saying the things you wouldn't say to her!

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:10

Humphrey Cushion - I've made all the right noises to the CM herself on the telephone, my concious is clear [GRIN]

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Greensleeves · 03/09/2006 12:09

Does dh not get sick pay, Angela? I've done a lot of temping in the past, the lack of sick/holiday pay was a real swine. No work = no eat, it's a very scary way to live.

I can see why you are worried, this is a really awful situation.

If he really can't have a day off, I think I would grit my teeth and go for finding an emergency childminder/agency nanny/drop in nursery, anyone who could have them at short notice for that day. I also see why you hate this idea, I never leave my children with anyone either - but you have got to do something, and it isn't going to be ideal.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:09

oops - it is getting too hard, maybe the appointment is just the icing on the cake, I really didn't except to be this tough.
Thanks for the support, I really do appreciate it.

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Saturn74 · 03/09/2006 12:08

I've read this thread from start to finish and I'm stunned! AC, you refer to this as "all for the sake of changing a blooming appointment" . I think Nursery childcare would best suit your situation, then you are not reliant on one person. I hope everything goes well for your CM on Tuesday - she sounds like she's had a very stressful time lately.

oops · 03/09/2006 12:07

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:05

Dh is on a project earning more in a day than I earn in 5 months, it just cannot be done. We can't afford to loose that money, it would be better for me to loose my job.

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oops · 03/09/2006 12:05

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 12:04

Seb1 - it really isn't that simple, if they have any intelligence what so ever they aren't going to say it's because your childcare arrangements have broken down are they ? And as I haven't been with them a year I don't have a leg to stand on anyway.
I'm not in the habit of getting my knickers in a twist but it really does seem that I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
What if I give her notice, quit my job and then she says, oh that appointment could have been moved ?

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Greensleeves · 03/09/2006 12:03

I agree with soapbox. This is a very difficult situation for everybody.

I agree that it's unreasonable of your boss/company to be so difficult about parental leave - but surely it can't come as a surprise to anyone? The attitude of lots of employers towards family commitments is still appalling. And despite the law protecting parental leave, if you are still in your probationary period you do stand to lose your job if they think you are unreliable. I do sympathise with you there.

If I were in your situation I think I would ask dh to take the day off. It's not ideal but it would prevent you/the childminder from ending up unemployed.

seb1 · 03/09/2006 11:58

or here dti again

soapbox · 03/09/2006 11:56

seb1 - normally that would be the case, but AC is still on her probationary period - so they don't need to give her a reason why they are not keeping her on at the end of it.

seb1 · 03/09/2006 11:55

Also here dti

noddyholder · 03/09/2006 11:53

A blooming appointment???

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:52

Well NannyL as I said the real world is not black and white and I think what my employers want is somebody that turns up regularly which I am not doing through no fault of my own. Yes we both would get a weeks notice but I don't need that money to put a roof over my head and buy food, the CM does and so I am trying not to put us both in that situation. All for the sake of changing a blooming appointment.

Soapbox - thanks for the support, this is very stressful, I'm writing out resignation letters now as I don't want to be sacked for my own self esteem, it took me 2.5 years to take the plunge and now I've realised why most mums i know need to work but don't.

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seb1 · 03/09/2006 11:51

I believe an unforeseen breakdown in childcare comes under this direct gov so I don't think they can sack you. Hope your CM is ok.

NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:45

well there you go then...

but as harsh as this may sound... if YOUR employers really wanted YOU then they wouldnt 'sack' you or make an excuse to make you leave because your child minder having potnetial breast cancer.... they would be accomodating...

BUT if they need an excuse to let you go and now they have an excuse then.... well enough said there really...

as for you both being unemployed... do you not have a contract? therefore you have to give her notice... and surely you need notice too?

soapbox · 03/09/2006 11:45

I have read this thread and think there is a lot of understanding of the CM's position, rightly so. However, there seems to be a lack of appreciation for AC's position. I think it is important to recognise the terrible stress that unreliable childcare places on parents. And whilst each one of the CM's absences individually are for valid reasons, 3 days of being let down at short notice out of 5 weeks in my mind is unreliable.

The stress of thinking you are about to lose your job over things that are out of your control must be terrible. And I think that AC was trying to articulate this.

FWIW, I would tell your employer that you need the day off, but that you appreciate the difficulties that your unreliable childcare is causing both you and them. Tell them that you are considering new childcare arrangements in order to prevent this problem occuring again. I'd switch to a nursery tbh, if your employer gets so edgy about unplanned absenses.

Original poster
AngelaChill · 03/09/2006 11:41

Well as I've said basically we'll both be unemployed on Wednesday if I don't think about it, so i'm rather caught between a rock and a hard place aren't i. Things aren't black and white.

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NannyL · 03/09/2006 11:38

*your (sorry dont seemt o be able to spell today!)

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