Crying my eyes out!

I have a 3 month old boy, it is hard work and you are definitely not a shit mum. I am not on my own but aside from caring for my son and toddler daughter, I try and make sure dinner is done every day (don't always manage that on time), keep up with the washing so we all have clean clothes and that's about it. I am in bed for 7pm with DS as I never know what the night will bring and toddler doesn't nap so no chance to catch up in the day.
Until you find someone else who can help you out, forget the housework, bung a load of washing on a day and sleep while the baby does, whatever time of the day or night. It won't be like this forever

Don't take it personally. They are all hard work at that stage and she might have found a child who will attend more days than yours (hence pay more).

Whatever gets you through the day.
Agree with previous poster who said first three months are the worst- it starts to get a bit easier.

Try not to be too hard on yourself - you are doing your best which is all any of us can do and don't feel guilty about using childcare - it seems a very sensible choice.

All babies are demanding on your energy and time in their own way - what is it that's so demanding about your boy? I know people find my five month old hard work because he's never still - he always wants to be moving and interacting, but he's just what I'm used to...

It's not unreasonable to put any child into childcare - I think you just need to find somewhere that can manage a small baby with more confidence - a nursery with dedicated baby staff?

You need a good rest. You'll feel like a more capable mum and person after some sleep and some time to yourself. It's great that your parents can help too. Please don't feel bad - small babies are exhausting, and all help is great.

Babies are tough and I would say the 1st 3 months are torture, with moments of joy!

Talk to your HV, maybe she can give you some reassurance that what you are doing is good.

Have you got some mum mates that you can meet up for tea and cake, essential to have so e mates you can chat and empathise with each other.

Hang on there.

Is there anything you want to ask us?

Babies are hard. Even those of us with many years experience of caring for children find them hard... it takes quite a while to learn what a baby wants from their various cries. You find something that soothes them one day, then find it does not work the next day. Babies are continuously evolving, there are good days and not so good days. They are adorable and frustrating.

The calmer you are, often the calmer they are. So try to relax, take life as it comes, each day a new day.

meanwhile... forget the bloody housework. do the bare minimum and sleep when he sleeps for a few days

oh OP, you'll find another plan that works better. Sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing by organising some relief for yourself 2x a week. You shouldn't feel guilty. And it often takes a couple of tries before you find childcare of any description (nursery, nanny, CM, babysitters) so try not to worry.

You are not a shit mother and you are not a failure in any shape or form.

The current arrangement didn't work out, these things happen. Look into other arrangements and you will find something that works better.

While your dad has him, have a big cup of tea and a sit down. It will get better.

Oh love you are not a failure

The childminder has let you down badly. Grrr at your sweet boy being too much hard work

You sound really low and sad - have you seen your HV recently? They might be able to put you in touch with a Home start volunteer or maybe get support from your children's centre?

You are not a failure. It is fucking hard work. It will get easier i promise. Be good to yourself and forget the housework for a bit. Accept any other help that is offered. It's probably hard for the childminder to cope with a small demanding baby when she has other kids to look after too. You could try again in a few months when he will be a bit easier or if you are desperate a nursery may be able to help as they have more staff.

No you aren't Sweetheart. You just found the wrong childminder. There will be others who are much more used to babies who will take him in their stride. In the meantime, hang on in there. My ds1 was huuugely demanding and very very hard work. He's now 14 and most of the time is a real star.

If you are blaming yourself, then it's time to have a chat with your health visitor. Some babies are easy, others are hard but it's nothing to do with you as a mother. They just are like that (though to be fair I was a very anxious mum and always quick to blame myself and to panic that I was doing things wrong. I wish that someone had been around to tell me that it wasn't my fault and that I should relax a bit, grit my teeth and get as much help as possible.)

Keep on posting. There will be others along to commiserate soon too.