Crying my eyes out!

Poshers put her comment out of
your head. Could have been an excuse maybe she's just been offered a full time role or a more local one and needed 'out'.

hi poshers where do you live?maybe I could help

Some babies are much harder work than others. My first born screamed for six months solid and only ever slept for 45 mins at a time. I had family around me and that was the only way I coped. With a demanding baby you need to be able to take some time out to rest and doing so will mean that you have more energy to give your baby the rest of the time. It is certainly not your fault. I now have a second child who is so low maintenance I barely know I have him. I haven't done anything differently second time around, they're just very different children. And if it makes you feel better they grow up and things get a lot easier, my first born demanding baby has now grown up into the most brilliant little two year old that I actually miss him when I put him to bed at night and am often tempted to go and get him up (which I obviously never do!).

Sounds like your doing a fab job! Taking important time for yourself. Could you afford to paye an au pAir to help out a bit?

I'm a professional nanny experienced in babies under 2 so if want to talk it out messege me x

OP - this isn't your fault, your son's fault or even the CM's. She'd probably forgotten how demanding a 3mo is as, when you're not in that stage, its easy to forget that they don't, in fact, just sleep but require regular feeds when you have to hold them so can't be making lunch/doing craft/climbing in a soft play frame with your charges and that they may need to be jiggled to sleep when, again, you can't do anything hand's on with your other charges.
Consider if another setting may be better. When DC2 was a baby, I had a 15yo neighbour around for an hour as soon as she got home from school &, depending on what else I'd done or not done that day, she'd empty the dishwasher/hang the washing/cuddle DC2 (a very clingy baby)/play with DC1. I didn't need anyone skilled, I just needed a spare pair of hands.

CM's make mistakes! Maybe she thought she could cope but she couldn't. Better to give notice than struggle in not enjoying the job. I'm sorry that she has made you feel so rubbish though.

Try a different one.

Coming at it from the other side - as a CM I have had to give notice before for a baby who I thought I could manage but couldn't. It wasn't a reflection on the baby at all - but on my own poor judgement, I thought I could manage the baby's needs and my other children, but it turned out I couldn't and wasn't giving any of the children the standard of care they deserved, and I was dreading work rather than loving it. However I did give it 6 weeks before handing notice, and did also make it clear it was my fault not the baby's!

OP I really sympathise with you. If you go with a CM again, make sure you have loads of settling in sessions and specifically check that they have experience with high needs babies, ask them loads of questions! What other children do they have and how will they manage all their needs? I'd look for one who had older children (age 2.5 or 3 +) who will be more able to play on their own / interact sensibly with the baby, rather than younger 1 yr olds who are still quite dependent.

Otherwise - mother's help might be better, help you with the house and the baby at the same time?

I am hoping to become a childminder for that sort of age by sept

i'd try him in a nursery setting.

Reiterating what some others have said. Get a cleaner instead, a good cleaner/housekeeper who may prepare some meals? Would the cost be similar to a cm?

Could your dad walk the baby a couple of times a week I the park around nap time? Give you time to clear your head.

I think it also takes a while to adjust to e demands of a baby. So, it is not just that your baby may be demanding, but that your not used to being 'on call' 24/7. This takes a good period of adjustment.

I've had four dcs, it is hard. I don't know how I manage it with my family half a world away. I wish I had always had a cleaner. With a clean house, it is one less major thing to worry about....

I think that your CM is to blame. As a CM myself Ive only ever given notice to one child who was being violent to the other children.

You will find the right childcare, and that has to be right for all of you. I think you have had a lucky escape from that CM tbh. if she cant manage your baby then she shouldnt have him.

Where about are you...can i help?

Also sent a PM

Could you look for a mothers help? So someone who will come into your house,hold the baby if you just need some time away to regather your sanity, and if the baby goes to sleep you can leave her to crack on with the washing/bottles/whatever needs doing and GO TO BED.
I used to remember there was nothing nicer in the world than going back to sleep in the morning after a hellish night knowing that if a baby woke someone else would go to them. And if they didn't my house would be in much better shape than when I dozed off !

Have pm'd you.

You are not a shit mother. Babies are hard work esp if no partner about to help you

I am surprised the cm didn't leave it a bit longer tbh

Look into a nursery or another cm or pay a cleaner to come and do housework tho this means you don't get a break from
Your baby - which is what you need - and no need to feel guilty for wanting that

When you say high needs what do you mean by that? As in won't sleep? Always wants to be held? Etc

Maybe we can offer some help and advice/solutions with your baby?

Please let's not berate the childminder. The op has admitted that her DS is high needs and I really feel for her having my own high needs baby. It's very hard to admit to a parent that you cannot continue with a contract and it is 'just work' for her and if she feels it's not working then she is perfectly entitled to end the contract just as the parent would be if it were not working for her. I'm sure she's a lovely cm who tried her best just as the OP is doing.

Good luck op.

Just one thing to add about using a nursery, don't book Mondays, if they're closed for bank holiday you generally have to pay but don't get another session, so you miss a session that week but never get to catch up. (I appreciate some places are differs but that appears to be common around here)

Awww, 3 month olds are demanding, especially if they aren't in a nap routine yet. But its in a lovely 'need lots of cuddles and milk' way (well, lovely as long as you don't need to get anything done other than cuddle . I imagine your CM was finding him hard to fit around her other charges, rather than being hard in his own right.

Don't beat yourself up, its better she admit it then ignore his needs and you'll find someone else who loves babies who will love to share his care with you. Good luck with finding someone who is a better 'fit' with your needs.

And of course you need a break!

Oh and if your little one starts to nap regularly then you'll get a bit of a break then - usually look for signs (rubbing eyes, pulling ears, yawning) around 30-60 mins after he wakes up in the morning and you may find he'll nap then and give you a couple of hours peace. x

Ok, deep breaths, it's so hard having a demanding baby. My dd had severe reflux, hated/s napping and is into everything. She never slept for very long unless upright on you. (And at nearly one is just getting better) your cm was unfair and just not the right one for you.

Look again, go on experience, word of mouth etc, go visit, leave baby for a couple of settling in sessions etc to see if you are both happy.

Dd went to cm at 5 months, full time with a list of requirements to help with reflux, they were fine, they love her, she naps for them still doesn't for us though. They are used to dealing with all sorts, they've got a new baby with them currenty who's demanding and teary,they manage fine. Honestly good ones are out there and I think your experience reflects badly on the cm not you or your gorgeous baby.

I found the first four months so tough, it gets easier in some ways the more mobile they get and they enjoy exploring a bit more too.

all 3 months old babies are hard work, your childminder has misjudged it and has thought she could cope and it has turned out she can't. find another childminder, one who is used to babies. I took a 5 month old on last near and it was a shock how hard it was and with having several other children too I did struggle. my fault I had just forgotten what it was like. Please don't take it personally and it's definitely not your child's fault.

I think that leaving a 3m for a full day is maybe a bit much, but loads if people do it and in the states it's commonplace. For me, it would be too long, but that's just a personal thing!

I would second the poster who suggested a couple of afternoons might be better?

Have you tried cranial oestopathy? This helped my fussy ds. Also the moby wrap sling worked a treat at keeping him close to me but left me hands free.
Also a dummy?

I'm sure you've exhausted everything, but hang in there, things will get better!

I had a difficult one first time round and I put him in a nursery for a couple of mornings a week to give myself a break.
I wouldn't do it for a full day, but if there's more than one childcarer there they can pass him around if he is crying a lot.
DS1 cried constantly for really the first year.

I'd find a nice nursery and book him in for 2 mornings a week - Fridays and Mondays are usually the quietest.

Poor you, it's really hard and I am sorry a professional has let you down. Could you get a cleaner in the short term?

When DD (now nearly 3) was a baby, I had a student for a while who came and cleaned, tidied and sometimes made us lunch, just for a break. Another local lady came and took her and the dog out for a walk (a long walk) to give us a break.

It's really hard at times but you are not a shit mother. Glad you have your parents and that you are feeling a bit better.