Au-pair's bedroom - sacrosanct space, or spare room?

We have twice, with our au pair's knowledge, used her room for our family while she has been away for long breaks back home. I don't think she minded and I made sure the bed was fresh and ready for her on her return. We allow her to have her guests to stay in the spare room. This thread has made me think again about this situation but I would still ask do this again in similar circumstances.

We have used APs room at Christmas when he is away (he has no problems with that) and as quid pro quo, we have had APs' families to stay with us (must have saved last AP's family about 2k).

In our previous house we asked AP to move out about 3 times (into DS1's room), for a night and she was fine with that. I know I will get flamed for saying that, but she had no problem with it. I would avoid it if I could but for us at that time it was the only solution.

It's still got all her stuff in it. She may feel obliged to tidy up when she wouldn't otherwise. I would suggest buying a double sofa bed. You can get them on ebay quite cheaply, and give up your room. Or (depending on DC), you can get a bunk bed that has a double on the bottom, which could be used for guests or for all DC to share whilst they gave up their room.

We've had a number of au pairs. I'd never ask them to give up their room for our visitors.

However, if they're away on holiday and we have guests staying I'd have no problem asking if we could use their room (obviously I'd do the bed-changing before and after). Similarly if we're away, I don't mind them putting a friend or family member up in our room (provided again that bed-changing is done by them).

I know the thread is a bit old but I think this is doable by bribery! Offer her £10 - £15 per night (or whatever you think will work) to give up her bed. If you offer the right amount then she may well be very happy with the arrangement.

I disagree and agree.

If AP/Nanny are there then no way should they be asked to sleep elsewhere. It is their room and I would leave a position if this happened.

However, as a Live in Nanny, I feel that (if asked) whilst I am away for weekends then guests are more than welcome to use the room. After all it is your home, you own the room and as I am not using it then why not let someone else use it?

However in my house we have the motto of a 'bed is a bed' and anyone is welcome to use them. As long as the guest doesn't rummage in my drawers/cupboard space.

What does REALLY ANNOY ME is being asked to change my bed linen and sheets for the said guest, a task that I hate doing and also don't feel I should be doing to benefit the guest/employer!! I always then have to change my sheets back to mine when I get back to work!

In a previous position [live in nanny] I have had to vacate my room for visitors, had items stored in my room and been asked to stay else where due to the family having no spare room. I was given no choice in this or compensation for finding else where to stay, it feels strange to allow your employer to sleep in your room with your private belongings; its even worse when you dont know the other people.

If you want a live in employee then their room needs to be private space,

No, room and board makes up a substancial amount of the aupairs wages. Would you ask her to take a pay cut while you have guests in the house?

Its her room with her personal belongings in, if she is there or not..

U can not just give her room to others...

U need to give up ur room

Our au pair told us we should use her room for guests when she is away. We said we wouldn't and she said that's ridiculous, so we did. Now we are away and she has her mum staying in our kids' room. I think that kind of give and take is normal with au pairs who are meant to be like another family member. Having said that I didn't have the courage to ask before she offered and was therefore v lucky that she thought of it.

This happened to me a few times, and the family paid for a lovely hotel. It's still a hassle/annoying to have to be sent out of the house for the weekend and live out of a suitcase. I also felt a bit weird someone I didn't know staying in my room with all my personal belongings around! But felt bad saying I didn't feel comfortable.

So I'd say no!

I wouldn't ask but in the past both out nanny and au pair have offered. I didn't let them because I view it as their room, as much as I view ours as ours and DS's as his (and DD's as hers when she moves out of ours). So she may offer but you should never ask.

No, I wouldn't ask an au pair to give up their room, ever. I'd either offer my room to guests, or shuffle DCs about, if that could be a solution.

As someone said up thread. If you need the room, you have no space for an au pair.

If you put it in the job description, you are basically saying that you are unable to provide the au pair with adequate sleeping arrangements at all times. Expecting an au pair to sleep on the sofa is not an adequate sleeping arrangement.

I would be surprised if this were legal.

When we were younger we got turfed out of our beds for relatives. Our beds could be pushed together to make a guest double and we slept on foam rolls on the floor in our parents room, as we got older in a tent in the loft.

It feels wrong to me that its the aupairs room that you think of first and not your younger DC's. The Aupair being part of the family is a critical part of how it all works. To me choosing her to sacrifice her space sends a message to the children that she's more a servant and a lesser person it doesn't promote respect from any of the family which inturn would make her job even harder.

Sorry to chime in and pile on but i was an au pair at 21 and i would advise u not to ask. Perhaps she will offer, but it's her cave in another person's family. Part of the family is all very well but tbh i dont want my m&d going in to my bedroom when they're over!

thedoctrine if the aupairs family came to stay they would probably stay in a B and B, as most people wouldn't have space to put them up. Also the au pair would probably want to stay with their family and not with the host family.

But no you cannot turf the au pair out of their room, as other posts have said, its their only private space when they have time off they need to get away from the children and other family members. Their room is their private zone! And that has to be respected. However OP if this is unworkable for you, make it very very clear in your initial advert that the room will be required at times. Maybe you could put the aupair up in a BB for duration of your friends stay. Also sounds like you have already recruited a kiwi, but if not consider advertising for a male au pair that way you broaden your already limited choice of au pairs.
Hope this helps.

I should add though, I used to work for a family who would let MY relatives sleep in their spare rooms. (I had a separate annex downstairs but MB would let my relatives/friends sleep upstairs. One of the spare rooms had the best shower in which MB used every morning but would use a different one so that my guests could have the en suite to themselves).
I would have been happy to give blow up beds on the floor of my annex but MB offered. So I think it's give and take.

rm I agree with you. I'd hate to see relatives not come for an event like Christmas or a birthday because there was nowhere for them to stay. But I wouldn't like it if i was staying in the house at the same time.
The only thing I do ask though is that the bed is changed for me by the time I get back. I'll change it for the guest arriving but I want to be able to come back to my room and it be ready for me as it would be if no one had stayed. (Not sure if that makes me sound like a diva!!)

My au pair has offered if she is going to be away and she knows I have guests. I would never ask her - so often have her room empty with guests in the tiny spare room or in my room. She's very laid back and thoughtful generally - I just asked her about it and she said she would do it at home and so does it here. But I operate on the assumption that it's her space and I don't go in there and nor does anyone else.

You may get lucky but I really don't think you can assume it will be ok.

Don't do it. I was a live in and this would have really upset me, the idea of people sleeping in my room with all of my things there. It shows a complete disregard for the APs only personal space in the house.

You and your kids have beds surely? So you should give up yours first as it would happen if you didn't have a spare room.

I've been a live-in nanny and was happy for (and in fact encouraged) the family to use my room for guests when I was away. How selfish for there to be an empty bed and force someone to sleep on the floor/sofa! I'm actually amazed at people's unkindness!
The only thing I wanted I this scenario was to be told before it happened - so I knew what to expect if I came back early, and so I could tidy up!

Agree with the first part though, while au pair/nanny is working there they'll need some private space.

I am a live-in nanny and get asked to do this occasionally. Normally if I'm going away for the night when someone happens to be staying. If I'm not going to be away then MB offers to put me up in a hotel. (Guests usually are a family so a lot easier to put me up than all the guests!)
I don't really mind for the odd night, and I know the people who generally stay as they are relatives of my charges.
My MB asks me each time though and allows me to say no at any point. (She didn't ask at interview then assume it was okay every time).
But then I am a very open person and rubbish at keeping secrets about personal life, and MB is the same. So I wouldn't be embarrassed about people being around my personal belongings.