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Original poster

Concern over MIL and BLW

37 replies

babrow13 · 10/02/2014 23:48

Sorry for long post.

I am due to return to work next month 2 days per week and MIL will be looking after DS who will be 11 months. I am concerned that she will be trying to spoon feed DS behind my back as she does not agree with BLW for a variety of reasons.

Me and DH have both made it clear that DS is not spoon fed and MIL had previously seemed to respect our decision. However, the other day I was feeding DS mash, loading the spoon up for him and passing it to him to to feed himself which he does very well. After about 5 spoonfuls he didn't want any more and started to whinge. MIL decided to take over and tried to put the spoon in his mouth in front of me. DS just whacked it away from his face and over the floor it went.

MIL is great with DS and he adores her. I am happy in all other aspects of her care of him but I now have this doubt in my head that our weaning methods are being undermined and she will care for him as she pleases behind my back. Also he has made so much progress with the BLW that I want to continue.

Am I reading too much into it? Has anyone else experienced anything similar and what did you do? Or should I just let her get on with it?

She has seen DS eating whole foods and knows his capabilities but I think she believes he needs some extra help with eating or needs more food. I gave her the Gill Rapley book to read in October and she hasn't read it yet, told DH she wouldn't read that rubbish and it is all just money making. I truly don't mind if she disagrees with it but I want her to read the book so she knows what to do as this method is so alien to her.

Another big concern is that DH is overweight and does not know when he is full up. He eats excessively. DS is a big boy, 98 centile for weight and height from birth to 10 months. I believe DS may have the potential to become overweight as an adult so am keen to install healthy eating habits now. MIL also told me that when DH was a baby she ignored the midwives who told her DS was overweight for his age and claimed they didn't know what they were talking about and that she know what was best for her child!

ah dilemma, all opinions welcome.

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OrangeFizz99 · 11/02/2014 09:08

That book is just money making to be fair to her.

If you're not happy with her care then get the a professional and pay the bill...

grabaspoon · 11/02/2014 09:08

Spoon feeding 4 meals a week will not make your child struggle with Blw the other 17 meals and it will not make them fat Hmm

Also the idea of introducing healthy eating at 11 months is just that an introduction don't worry if for 20 hours a week your child is spoon fed it won't make him suddenly over weight/hate vegetables etc

BonaDea · 11/02/2014 09:07

The other option - perhaps more work for you tho - would be for you to prep the meals in advance, making it stuff that really can't be mushed.

So make him up some porridge slices for brekkie, sandwich fingers and fruit slices for lunch and then you give him dinner? You could dress it up as helping MiL out?

Yerazig · 11/02/2014 09:02

I understand your concerns but your child is only with her two days out of seven so it really shouldn't make much of a difference as your child it was with you the most of the time. Yes she should 100% listen to you and follow everything you say. But to be honest as she is doing you a favour and saving you money there's only so much you can. So you either have to suck it up or employ a childcare professional.

Lucylouby · 11/02/2014 08:37

I don't think being spoon fed for two days a week will make your son overweight. As you say if your baby doesn't want it he will push the food away, he already does this. My mil generation do believe that bigger babies were healthier, maybe it comes form the days of rationing when food was scarce, if you carried a bit of extra you could survive that bit longer if food was even rarer for a while, I don't know why the thought has lingered for all these years. Just one of those things I guess.
I do think if you don't feel you can trust her to look after your baby you need to tell her you are finding someone else to look after your dc. That will come with a financial price tag, but if you can afford it and this is that important to you it might be the best way to go.

My third dc was completly blw and is the fussiest eater ever, so I don't think it is something I would do again btw. My best eater is the one that was part blw and part spoon fed.

natwebb79 · 11/02/2014 08:16

I take it your DH has survived just fine? And your MIL was the woman who brought him up? Thing is that for many years now people have been feeding babies perfectly well using a variety of methods without writing elaborate books about it and giving the 'methods' daft names. And those babies have often grown up with a very healthy attitude to food and a varied healthy diet. So it's no wonder really that people of your MIL's generation look at all the fuss and get a bit confused. I agree with the above posters that if you're lucky enough to be getting free child care then you should trust her to care for your child as she wishes in that time. For the record my 2 year old was weaned on a mixture of purees and finger foods and now eats pretty much anything. The evil spoon didn't do him any harm. Grin

Nancery · 11/02/2014 01:00

My mum found the idea of BLW weird, kept talking about choking. We never had / have to use her for child care though.
If I were you I'd just go with it. It's not like he is with her all week and she, like my mum, possibly just finds it such a ridiculous concept that she can't get her head around it (personally I think it's great! Though have spooned things like fruit pots too as I don't find mixing a big deal, although 80% was probably him feeding himself at first.)

Original poster
babrow13 · 11/02/2014 00:50

Hi thanks for replies and advice

No not paying her she wouldn't accept payment. She is doing this as a kind gesture for us and to spend time with her grandson which suits us all.

I don't believe i need total control, I am happy for her to get on and do things in a way that suits her. I have just given her a copy of his routine and asked he to stick to it as best as she can and let her get on with it. In fact one of the reasons I was attracted to BLW was the handing the control over to the baby!

If it were anyone else I probably wouldn't mind. I think this has stemmed from my concern over the family's eating habits and attitudes and not wanting them to pass onto DS. For example MIL's belief that bigger babies are more healthy. She also told me that babies should have their food mashed until they have a full set of teeth, so I don't really know how long this might go on for!

But as said this is only 2 days pw so I am probably worrying too much.

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 11/02/2014 00:23

For two days a week it really doesn't matter, it's a spoon to feed him.

LittleBearPad · 11/02/2014 00:16

You can ask her to do as you wish but she probably won't. Equally though she's looking after him so you have to let her do it her way.

It is only 2 days and it won't hurt if he is spoon fed a few times. Blw isn't the be all and end all (and I largely did it too). It's ok for children to be fed. Sounds like DS knows when he's full anyway.

PurplePidjin · 11/02/2014 00:15

is it really so important that a spoon never passes his lips? if he doesn't want it, he won't open his mouth. if you want total control, pay someone Hmm

TheScience · 10/02/2014 23:53

If you are going to use family for childcare, I think you do have to just trust them to get on with it.

Are you paying her?